Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My husband farts incessantly. It’s not woefully odorific (usually) but annoying nevertheless. What say you, Dali Mama?

—Yucked Out (United States)

DEAR Y.O.:

Well, perhaps it’d be more fun for you to be amused rather than to be yucked out. Haha. And thank your lucky stars that his gas isn’t usually too noxious.

Now, as far as dealing with the cause of his flatulence, could he perhaps have food allergies? He might want to keep a log of what he eats and what causes his gas, and then to go consult his doctor with this record in hand. His doctor might want to do an allergy test. Many people are unknowingly allergic to common foods such as wheat or dairy or a combination thereof. These allergies can often cause gas and other symptoms.

You might also want to google causes of flatulence and the two of you could try to avoid gas-causing foods, which may help as well.

Perhaps you could also thank him and thank God that that’s his annoying thing he does versus gambling away your joint savings or cheating and lying about it or any number of alternative transgressions he could have.

Also, as strange as it sounds, that’s the beauty of intimacy between two perfect souls in very human bodies—appreciate the close but sometimes messy intimacy of humans who love and trust each when they are close to each other and living together. If he were gone, you might even miss his inconvenient noises. Cherish even this because this is a part of your current life together.

That being said, I hope you both can enjoy a lot of laughs about this and I hope that perhaps his doctor can help him eliminate the cause of excess gas for his health and comfort and, even then, then it can become a long-distant, funny memory for you two to laugh at together.

P.S. If he is embarrassed about his constant farting, maybe you could be silently amused while having compassion. We’ve all been “betrayed” by our bodies doing their jobs at some point (whether it is gas or a tampon leaking) and we know how it feels to be embarrassed. If he doesn’t want to make a joke of it together, just keep going about your business and don’t let his farting bother you too much. Just enjoy the other gifts of your life together. xoxo