HOW DO I SUPPORT MY FRIEND WHOSE SON IS IN PRISON?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My friend’s son recently went to prison. I want to support her but I don’t know what to say. Your thoughts?

–Wanna be a good friend (United States)

DEAR WANNA BE A GOOD FRIEND:

Perhaps you could tell her you are thinking of her and that you love her. Maybe you could also take her to lunch and talk—talk about fun things if she wants to or just listen if she wants to talk about what she’s experiencing. Let her guide the conversation as far as what she needs and wants.

If you know her son well, perhaps you could send him a letter in prison, letting him know that you are thinking of him. If you care about them both, showing that you still care about him regardless of his situation might just be the best thing you can do for your friend.

 

HOW DO I BOND WITH MY BABY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a very big problem. I have a baby and I don’t even like her. I feel so strange and I can’t even talk to anyone about this. What is wrong with me?

–Not a Natural Woman (United States)

DEAR N.A.N.W.:

Please speak to your doctor immediately and your partner or family if you have one. Many women experience post-partum depression, which affects their ability to bond with their baby. Sometimes certain operations can temporarily disrupt the bonding process with your baby as well.

If you feel at all like you want to hurt your baby, please let someone you trust know right away—your parents, your partner, your doctor, your clergy, etc., and find someone who can take care of the baby until you feel like you can handle this safely.

If, however, you and your doctor and partner feel you can safely take care of this baby, there are some things you can do to develop a bond with her.

Sometimes past-life dynamics can affect a relationship between a mother and a child. Practice gently holding your baby and just being love, letting love emanate from your center through your aura layers and out your arms and hands as you hold your daughter. Let the love flow through you to everything and everyone around you, including your baby.

Also practice holding your baby, looking upon her face and her eyes with love, and giving her lots of love with the intention of also giving yourself love as you express that love to her.

Kudos on taking steps to strengthen this important relationship in your life, which is the first step to being a great parent.

 

IS IT BAD KARMA TO STEAL FROM SOMEONE WHO STOLE FROM YOU?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

If someone steals something from you, is it bad karma to steal something of equal value from them?

–Wondering (Brazil)

DEAR WONDERING:

I would recommend you do not steal anything, even from a person who stole from you. By doing what they do, you are becoming like them by committing the same mistakes they did to you and it keeps you stuck even more in the energy of theft.

Perhaps one thing you could do is ask that person to either returning your belonging (if you’re sure they took it) or to give you a specific item of equal value as recompense. Ask from a space of your power. If they give it back to you, you’ll have kept your honor and integrity and found a more positive way of balancing the scales. If they don’t give you anything or return the item, you’ll still have your honor and integrity, which is worth way more than whatever they took from you.

 

HOW DO I HANDLE A FRIEND WHO ALWAYS GOSSIPS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

One of my friends I’ve known for years is always gossiping about other people to me, including our mutual friends. I can’t stand it. At this point, I don’t think I even want to continue being friends. Your advice?

–Fed up (United States)

DEAR FED UP:

Congratulations on not engaging in the gossip mill. It’s smart, too, as she probably would gossip about you if she gossips about others. The next time she tries to tell you gossip, simply tell her you don’t want to hear it. If she keeps going, say, “I have to go,” and either get off the phone or walk away. Then see what she does. It’ll make her think and hopefully she’ll think about her toxic behavior and will apologize and stop doing it. You might have to do this a few times as it’s probably become such an ingrained habit, she’ll fall into it sometimes. If she doesn’t stop, perhaps you can transition her from friend status to a friendly acuqintance, and make space in your life instead for someone who honors the true meaning of friendship.

 

 

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A GUY IS THE ONE FOR YOU?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do you know if a guy is the one for you? I’ve been with someone for almost a year now but I’m still not sure.

–Love-Confused (Brazil)

DEAR LOVE-CONFUSED:

Congratulations on having the courage to look at this so you can make a conscious choice for your relationship.

Some things to think about…. Is your life better with this guy or without him? Do you feel comfortable with this guy yet also motivated to continually grow and improve yourself with this guy? If everything fell away from this guy (his looks, his job, his title, his home, his car, etc.), would you want to be with this man? Is he strong in himself? Do you share core values? Do you trust him? Can you be yourself with him? Can he communicate with you when things get tough? Do you make each other laugh? If he never changed at all, would you be happy being with him exactly as he is?

Relationships are complex but these are some starter questions to look at in contemplating whether or not you wish to continue this relationship.

Wishing you much love.

 

HOW TO GET RID OF DEBT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have so much debt I don’t know what to do. I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never escape from it and that there’s almost no point to even trying.

–Less than Penniless (United States)

DEAR L.T.P.:

Congratulations on looking at this issue so that you can turn around your financial situation.

There are some great (and free) tools you can get online, including from Oprah’s debt diet. Check out http://www.thedigeratilife.com/blog/debt-management-plan-oprah-debt-diet/. Suze Orman is another great source.

On an energetic level, debt is the equivalent of how you are going against yourself or how you are not supporting yourself. For example, if you are buying presents for other people (or unnecessary items for yourself), that is going against yourself and/or giving to others instead of giving yourself a sound financial support system.

Start paying attention to each purchase and ask yourself if it truly supports you (paying for healthy groceries or tuition, for example, are ways of truly supporting yourself). If it doesn’t truly support you, think about forgoing that particular expenditure.

Also, with each expenditure, ask yourself if you are spending that money from a space of wholeness (consciously spending money on an affordable gym membership you’ll use everyday might be one example) or from a space of fear or feeling not enough (for example, buying an outfit so other people don’t look down on you or so you won’t be “alone”). Play with consciously using every outgoing penny only on what truly supports you and your long-term vision of your life if you like.

Have fun and enjoy your new conscious prosperity.

 

TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE: SCULPTOR BRUNO WALPOTH

I love the haunting stillness of Bruno Walpoth’s wood sculptures. They look like they’re about to break through the wood into life at any moment.

Check it out:

http://thepassengertimes.com/2013/05/06/bruno-walpoth-art-dept-sculpture/

 

HOW TO HANDLE CHILDHOOD BULLYING? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ROBIN WILLIAMS’ TRAGEDY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

 

In considering his tragic death from suicide, Robin William’s recollection of childhood bullying is important. While it would be impossible to know all the contributing factors, being stalked so often as a child that he reportedly had to change routes home from school in order to avoid his torturers may provide one clue to his deep sadness.

 

Think about it: Most people in society say to one degree or another torture is abhorrent even in the cases of terrorists. Our United States Constitution prohibits its application even to convicted murderers. And yet innocent children worldwide are daily tormented, and little is done about it.

 

I suspect that bullying is an outdated vestige of the ancient tradition of culling the weak. Thousands of years ago nomadic primitive tribes had no use of those ill, elderly, or in any way complicated. They were killed or left behind. Today, bullies view sensitivity as weakness and thus target those they see as vulnerable or different.

 

Among the many problems with this is that experts suspect child abuse alters the brain in ways that promote early and later depression and suicide. Yet society acts as if the source of child abuse cannot be categorized as such unless it comes from adults. That’s absurd. The results of mistreatment may be catastrophic regardless of the source’s age. When will people stop bullies from committing long-range homicide?

 

What do you think, Dali Mama? What do you make of all this? And what can people do if they are haunted by memories of childhood bullying?

Thank you for your wisdom.

–Tired of Bullying (Canada)

DEAR TIRED OF BULLYING:

Thank you for your thoughtful and informative letter. I see bullying as just one symptom indicative of the health of our society. People are separate from each other as well as from their own spirits and hearts. And when people are disengaged from parts of themselves, it is all too easy to either stand by and do nothing when seeing others being bullied as well as to bully someone else in a desperate attempt to cope from your own pain and terror, and possibly from your own experiences of cruelty done to yourself. These days, cruelty is sanctioned and overlooked on a worldwide level as well as on the individual level, with some even turning to cruelty towards themselves through cutting and other forms of self-mutilation.

People of immense light like Robin Williams possibly became even more hilarious and gentle and compassionate due to the difficult experiences they’ve had. Some people, however, instead turn to the dark and become more hardened and become the tormenter instead of always the tormented.

Perhaps that’s the difficult choice we must all make, and keep making as far as transmuting our experiences of pain and not getting stuck in them—to keep choosing the light no matter the shadows that have plagued us. And to remain in the light even when others are unkind to us because the light always vanquishes the dark, without any effort even. Turn on the light and the shadows disappear.

We must remember too that we are not weak or helpless or invalidated even when those around us wish us to believe we are so. Of course, sometimes we all feel like there’s just too much to bear and no one can truly understand what another has gone through or is undergoing. But we can all be there for others when we sense them struggling. Sometimes truly all it takes is a smile or just someone who will sit and listen for a few minutes. And people like you who are thinking about these questions and how to instigate change.

 

CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN ROBIN WILLIAMS’ SUICIDE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I just can’t seem to get over Robin Williams’ suicide. What’s the deal? He spent his life making me and so many others laugh. Your thoughts?

–Sick (United States)

DEAR S.:

It is often difficult to understand when you see people who brought so much joy to others undergo their own trials, especially despair to the point of suicide.

Great comedians are among the most powerful healers in the world. They help people release pain and anger in a delightful way through ease and joyous release. That doesn’t make them immune from their own challenges, however. Many comedic geniuses (and Robin Williams is obviously on the comedic genius list) have a lot of internal pain and their talents and skills are born out of their own private pain. Also, sometimes comedic geniuses unknowingly tend to take on the pain they help people release.

Also, keep in mind that celebrities are, like all the rest of us, human, with their own set of challenges as well as gifts.

If you believe in a heaven, you can bet Robin Williams is cracking up the angels right about now and is laughing with the best of them.

 

WHY DO I HATE CERTAIN COLORS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do I hate certain colors? Is that an “energetic” thing?

–Green hater (Brazil)

DEAR G.H.:

There can energetic reasons that people can hate a color. Sometimes they don’t like the energy associated with a color. This may be from past experience (like maybe someone wearing a red shirt beat them up) or simply a resistance to the energetic vibe of a color (like maybe red always felt a little too intense for them).

Sometimes, too, people are resistant to the energy that has qualities that they need. For example, if they need a little more get-up-and-go-ness and red could help them with that, they may resist its qualities and feel they are too jarring for their current state.

Green is sometimes associated with growth. So it might not be good for someone who has cancer, for example, to be around green all the time. Also, someone who is resistant to taking whatever their next step needs to be might feel resistant to the color green, as just one example.

Play with all the colors and see how you feel and what you experience and what you get from each of them.

 

WHY DO GROUPS ALWAYS BREAK UP?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do groups always break up? Bands, families, clubs, etc.? I keep trying to join groups but things always disintegrate for some reason or another—politics, in-fighting, boredom, I don’t know. I want to find some kind of community that can gel and stay the course.

–Loner but don’t want to be (United States)

DEAR L.B.D.W.T.B.:

That’s an excellent question. I believe it has to do with everyone’s issues being exponentially magnified when in a group. Of course, even an individual has his/her own issues that need to be addressed. When you get two people together, you have the first person’s issues, the second person’s issues, and then the issues of the joint entity that is made up of the two individuals. This becomes more and more complicated the more people are in a group, so you can only imagine although you don’t have to because, no doubt, you’ve seen a lot already without having to imagine.

It takes a lot to keep a group together. Often it is one or more key people—a social lynchpin, if you will. But it takes commitment on the part of each member of the group to stay the course even when difficult issues come up. It helps to have the group focus on a common goal (the fun of playing together if it’s a band or even a common goal such as getting to a certain level of fame or whatever). Only the most committed can stay the course. Sometimes, too, the group evolves and some members may decide they simply no longer fit, and that is okay as well.

Perhaps it is up to you now to find like-minded people and to create a space and forum to bring all of you together. Enjoy the process of building a community.

 

ARE GHOSTS REAL?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Do you think ghosts are real? I feel like maybe I saw one a long time ago but I’m not sure.

–Ghostbusted (Canada)

DEAR GHOSTBUSTED:

I do believe that ghosts, or spirits, exist. I think there are many spirits existing in the same or different planes but that we usually don’t pay attention to them. Have you noticed have babies tend to look and point at the “air”? Often, they are pointing at spirits before they’re trained to no longer see them. Many times, you will notice dogs and especially cats doing the same thing. They are matter-of-factly looking at a spirit.

Validate your ability to see ghosts and other spirits and notice how this ability gets stronger the more you do it.

 

HOW DO I KEEP FROM SAYING MEAN THINGS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Sometimes when I’m with my boyfriend (usually with him but sometimes with my sister or once in a while with friends), I’ll hear something that makes me feel insecure and then I’ll say something really awful to make him or them feel the same way I do. What is wrong with me and why do I do this and how do I change this?

–Mean Motormouth (United States)

DEAR M.M.:

Well, you’ve already done the most important thing in changing this behavior, which is taking a look at why you engage in this pattern and being aware that you do this.

And there’s nothing wrong with you, per se. You’re just being human. Perhaps, though, you are learning in this lifetime about how to use the power of your words in a way that is both constructive and positive. When you have power using negative words, that means that you can have even more power than you harness your gift of language for good and for the light.

To start changing your old patterns, take an extra breath and pause for a moment when you feel that impulse to say something mean to make someone else feel insecure. First, reset your space so that you validate yourself. For example, if you’re insecure about your schoolwork, validate that you’re great in a particular subject. If you’re insecure about your looks, validate a part of you that is beautiful. Once you do this and get more and more in a habit of doing this, you’ll notice the urge to say something to cut someone down or make them feel insecure will start to dissipate more and more until maybe you rarely feel like you need to say those kinds of things anymore.

Congratulations on taking a look at this so you can evolve into the powerful-tongued (perhaps even a writer) self that you were born to be.

 

TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE: PHOTOGRAPHER MARCUS RADCLIFFE

Back by popular demand, today I am again featuring photographer Marcus Radcliffe (also known as the butterfly whisperer). Marcus Radcliffe is a photographer from Australia who travels around the world, doing photography of nature, landscape, and more. Today’s photos showcase the beauty of Australia.

photo 5photo 4

photo 3-1photo 2-1

photo 1photo 3

HOW DO I STOP MY PARENTS FROM FIGHTING?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My parents fight all the time. They fight about a lot of stuff. Sometimes they fight about me. How can I stop this?

–Tired Out (United States)

DEAR TIRED OUT:

It is very difficult to keep other people from fighting, particularly when they’re your parents. Perhaps what you can focus on for now is how you handle their fighting. Are you taking on responsibility for their fighting, especially when they fight about you? If so, recognize that their fighting ultimately has nothing to do with you, even if you or subjects related to you seem to be a point of contention between them. Even if you were elsewhere, I guarantee you they would be fighting anyway.

You might also want to use this opportunity to delve and live in a space of your own inner peace, no matter what the people around you are doing. Do this and maybe just a little bit of this may rub off on the people around you. Maybe, maybe not, but you will ultimately be healthier and happier this way.

Much peace and love to you on your journey.

 

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