IS THERE ANY WAY TO CONTROL WHETHER YOU HAVE A GIRL OR A BOY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is there any way to control whether you have a girl or a boy? Energetically speaking, that is.

—Wanting a Girl (Brazil)

DEAR W.A.G.:

A baby’s gender is generally determined by genetics, particularly the genes of the baby’s father, although there may be other contributing factors. Too bad this wasn’t known before various women in history were killed for not bearing their husbands a male heir!

However, even men who father five boys, for example, may father a girl on the sixth try.

Energetically, if you want to have a girl, one thing you could try is mocking up (visualizing as a way of manifesting) conceiving and giving birth to a healthy daughter. Keep in mind this may help but is by no means guaranteed. If you end up with a son, love the heck out of him, regardless of whether he fits the picture of what you wanted. Divine gifts come in all different packages. : )

You could also either keep trying for a girl or consider adopting one of the many beautiful girls in the world who need a safe and loving home.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE IN ALIGNMENT WITH ONE’S SPIRIT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What do it mean to be in alignment with one’s spirit?

—Curious (United States)

DEAR CURIOUS:

Generally speaking, living in alignment with your spirit involves doing what’s right for you on a spirit level—not what’s right for others or even what’s right for who you think you are, but what’s right for who you are as a soul. Sometimes it doesn’t always fit our pictures of who we think we ought to be or even who we think we are. But when we are not in alignment with our spirit, sometimes you may sense a discomfort or something just not quite feeling right.

HOW DO I HANDLE BEING A KLUTZ IN A FAMILY OF ATHLETES?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am not athletic but I come from a family of athletes—my dad is a coach and my mom was a cheerleader and my brothers and sisters are each superstars in more than one sport. I feel I was switched at birth or am experiencing some sort of cosmic joke. How do I handle this?

—Two Left Feet (United States)

DEAR T.L.F.:

Even if sports are not your forte, no doubt you have some unique gifts you can focus on and develop. Not everyone needs to be a track star or football player or cheerleader or volleyball player.

I do encourage you, however, to find something you love doing that involves moving your body and make it your own—doing it for your strength and cardiovascular health and mobility, whether that’s yoga and zumba or dancing around in your room to your favorite songs or using free weights. That will give your body the support and attention it needs with the sole purpose of honoring and maintaining your physical vessel so you can continue to do all the things you love with ease and comfort.

Good for you for following the beat of your own drums! Have fun with it!

SUNDAY SHARE: KENNY LOVE AND CAPRI HOLLAND (lovely mash-up)

WHY DO I SOMETIMES MEET PEOPLE AND LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do I sometimes meet people and love them or hate them?

—Regular Person (United States)

DEAR R.P.:

Sometimes we have a spirit recognition of folks in our soul group or sometimes you just sense something beautiful about that person. Sometimes when we “hate” someone upon just meeting them, that could also be a spirit recognition of someone with whom you had disharmonies. Sometimes, too, people get under our skin when they are mirroring something in ourselves we don’t like. For example, sometimes a controlling person may meet someone and get triggered by their controlling energy or behavior or mannerisms or sometimes may even simply project controlling energy onto that person, so it’s always good to look within ourselves to understand what we’re really getting triggered by through that other person.

Thanks for your question!

HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS SPIRIT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a medium and having worked on myself for forever, you would think I would be free of negative attachments (spirits). However, there is one spirit in particular that tries to upset me and it manages to do just that.

It feeds off my need for “external romantic love” and company and comes in and imitates loving energies very similar to those of my partner. It is very conniving and good at getting me off track.  It also knows I get angry at its presence and plays on that. I’m losing the will to live here! I have tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it.

Being an amazing medium, can you see anything I can’t see regarding why it’s here? Maybe I’m doing something wrong as surely there’s a reason it’s still hanging around? Please help.

—On My Last Nerve (Bolivia)

 

DEAR O.M.L.N.:

We are all in process, no matter how long we’ve worked on ourselves (and that includes past lives).

Spirits are just like people, who are of course spirits in human bodies. There’s a saying, “What we resist, persists.” Anything we resist energetically keeps sticking around or we’ll manage to get rid of something and something of a similar vibration comes along. For example, if a student is being bullied at school, the more he resists, the more the bully may bother him and may even escalate. However, once the student learns to get neutral to the bully and starts to have more of his true power, the bully will generally find someone else to go persecute. This is of course easier said than done but it is possible with practice and retraining of your attitudes to learn to get neutral to what you are resisting.

Another example is when dealing with energy vampires, people who suck and suck and suck our energy, whether they are narcissists or people who try to ingratiate themselves, then pester to get some kind of reaction and to pull energy from you, even if it negative attention. Once you stop resisting them and give them space to be without giving them any attention, they generally tire and go suckle the energy from someone else, whether that is by charming them or creating drama or pretending to be helpless, or whatever techniques they use to suck energy.

Keep your focus on what’s important to you. Since you want love and good company, use your energy to take practical steps like joining a meetup group for a topic that interests you (hiking or art or movies or whatever) or just get a group of friends together and encourage them to bring their nice friends as well. You’ll meet people, have fun, and who knows what else? And your focus will be on creating positive things you want rather than giving your energy to this spirit or your worries or any negative people or anything else you don’t really want in your life.

Good on you for your awareness and making these changes!

Today’s Question from Dali Mama

Hello All,

It’s Thanksgiving in my home country, the United States. I have so much to be grateful for, including you all! What are some of the things you have to be grateful for?

Much love and gratitude from me!

HOW DO I GET TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND PROMOTED AT WORK?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 25-year-old woman and I am pretty smart and very ambitious but somehow at work, I feel like nobody takes me seriously even though I volunteer for extra assignments and do a great job. What can I do to be taken seriously at work and maybe get promoted eventually?

—Ambitious (United States)

DEAR AMBITIOUS:

It could be that your bosses and co-workers underestimate your abilities because of your age. It could also be that there may be ways you can portray yourself more seriously. For example, many people are humble even when self-confident and so may not quite be portraying their abilities fully—for example, volunteering for assignments that aren’t as visible or high-priority or even making statements but using intonation that makes those statements sound uncertain or like a question.

I would ask one of your successful friends who has been in the work force a while (preferably in a similar field) for their feedback on how you can be taken more seriously on work. They might give you their impression as far as the way you speak or dress or generally purport yourself. Then make those changes and notice how things shift over the next month or two.

Next, I would ask your supervisor for a meeting and let them know you are wanting to X, Y, and Z (be specific about what your hopes are for the next step in your career there) and ask them what you need to do to make that happen. Go prepared with a portfolio of specific things you’ve accomplished at the company and how you’ve contributed thus far.

Best of luck, my friend.

WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS THINK I’M GAY?

10/25

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a straight man in his thirties but people always think I am gay and outright ask if I am gay. I don’t understand it. What is going on?

—Bewildered (Straightland)

DEAR BEWILDERED:

Bottom line is it’s really not your issue to worry about. If you’re straight, then let people think whatever they want or ask whatever silly questions they want.

People have different pictures (some cultural) about what qualities a gay man may have. The truth is that every single woman runs both male energy and female energy and every single man runs both male energy and female energy. Some people run more of one than the other and the proportions of either may change in the moment according to whatever we’re doing. But let them have whatever pictures they have and think whatever they want and just live your life and enjoy it and don’t waste your thought and energy on nosy questions that aren’t really any of anyone’s business in the first place.

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO LOOK FOR WHEN PICKING A SPOUSE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What is the most important thing to look for when picking a spouse?

—Looking for Love (Brazil)

 

DEAR LOOKING FOR LOVE:

For me, that would probably be compatible values. For example, if the biggest priority to one person is humanity and making the world a better place for all and the other person’s biggest priority is having stuff, they might not be that compatible in the long run. That doesn’t mean you can’t have stuff AND make the world a better place, but if one partner prioritizes having stuff over helping others, for example, it might not work out.

Values can entail lifestyle (for example, someone prioritizing health and clean living might tire of a partner that is always doing drugs or drinking or eating only bacon fat, or someone who loves hiking and skiing and being active might be frustrated with someone who prefers to lounge on the couch, and of course the couch lounger would undoubtedly feel frustrated if their person were always trying to drag them along to climb some mountain) or sexual needs (a person to whom sex is very important might feel frustrated if with someone who doesn’t give a fig about sex).

And even though you asked me about the most important thing, I’d have to add that it’s important to pay attention to how you feel in your body when you’re with a potential mate. Do you feel comfortable and secure? Happy and confident? Or something else? Listen to your gut.

SUNDAY SHARE: SINGER LEXI WALKER

WHY DO RELATIONSHIPS SEEM TO GO SOUTH?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a man in my fifties. I was married for 10 years and then divorced and since then, have dated many women. Things go well for a while and inevitably, even though they are each and all great, things go south and not in a good way! Why does this happen? I am beginning to think a happy long-term monogamous relationship (much less a good marriage) is a myth like a unicorn or a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

—Baching It for Too Long (United States)

DEAR B.I.F.T.L.:

There are many reasons relationships go south (and not in a good way haha). Is there a theme in what you hear from the women you have been with? If they have all (or mostly) mentioned certain things (for example, feeling like you’re not present or whatever else they mention if they mention anything), pay attention to that and look within to see what you can do to change these patterns if you would like to address issues that seem to consistently get in the way of you having a good relationship.

It’s also very difficult (but certainly not impossible) for relationships to succeed in general because different issues and energies come up in relationships. If you can imagine, each of us have our own issues that we are working through, whether it’s self-worth or addiction or whatever else. When you put two people together, no matter how great each person is, these issues are compounded and will come up more and more, particularly as you get to know each other beyond the fantasies and projections of what you each believe each other to be initially. However, it is worth doing the inner work and also working with each other to see just how deep your love can grow when you grow to know each other as divine spirits living within perfectly flawed human personalities if it is important to you to have a loving relationship.

COULD YOU HELP ME UNDERSTAND MY DREAM?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Had a dream that I was maybe in South Africa in a little hardware store talking to one of my former co-workers. Suddenly she mentioned that her daughter had passed away. Later I was in an infirmary getting treated for two small cuts on the tips of my two middle fingers, one on either hand. Then in an adjacent room the person putting Band-Aids on the cuts also put a needle into the outline of a person on a piece of paper. The place the needle went in and started oozing white and blue liquid. The woman said “I don’t like this one bit!” I thought maybe she was observing that I have high cholesterol.

There was other stuff that I don’t remember. What do you think, Dali Mama?

–CURIOUS (UNITED STATES)

 

DEAR CURIOUS:

That’s curious you knew I like interpreting dreams. Haha!

Maybe you were having a premonition that something is wrong with your co-worker’s daughter or perhaps that your colleague is letting herself die (what she has left of herself) by living her life only through her daughter.
The heart line is on the middle fingers so perhaps your body was telling you that you need to take better care of your heart and cardiovascular system. And yes, cholesterol and also blood sugar are some things you might want your doctor to take a look at. Also that you’re not really living your life—so they’re injecting the outline of where you would be if you were in your body, which is full of corporate energy and societal energy but your life force and essence are missing from there so your spirit is telling you about it so you can make a choice to inhabit your body and live your life if you want to.

Live the life you want, my friend! Now is here!

WHAT KINDS OF THINGS IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO LET MY KIDS WATCH?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Do you think it is harmful to let my kids (5 and 8 years old) watch PG movies with slight violence but it’s more kidding-around stuff? Like Home Alone, for example. I’d rather my kids don’t watch that kind of stuff just yet but my wife thinks it’s not a big deal. I just feel like they’re going to see all kinds of things when they get older and I’d rather protect them from it a little while longer while I still can.

—Concerned Father (United States)

DEAR CONCERNED FATHER:

I’d have to re-watch the movie but I seem to recall the main character defending himself and the house with violence against the robbers. I think it depends on the kids (how sensitive they are or how easily influenced they are) and also it depends on you and your wife being able to provide a context or framework whenever they see a movie like that—saying afterwards, for example, “In real life, of course you shouldn’t do X, Y, or Z because you could hurt someone very badly.”

If it were my kids, I would probably try to expose them to movies and shows and people and situations where people interact in a much more positively and healthy fashion and where people solve things in a much more peaceful and productive manner, especially until they are older because that kind of violence (even in a comedic sense) can seep into their consciousness and affect some of their choices and can also desensitize them to others.

Thanks for being conscious of what your putting into your kids’ minds. You’re creating a better future for them and the world!

HOW DO I WORK THROUGH MY FEARS OF SUCCESS AND FAILURE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been paralysed by my fears from taking action in my professional life for the past few months. This lack of action has affected my mental as well as financial well being. It all comes down to a fear of success, as crazy as that might sound. And also, a little fear of failure and rejection.

Ultimately I am scared that if I take action and make things happen in my business, it will propel me towards success that I won’t be able to handle and that it will bring me added responsibilities. I’m scared that new responsibility will tie me down and make me less of a free spirit and be a noose around my neck. Also I will have to take responsibility towards others who buy my product: I am a perfectionist so it kinda scares me, the potential fault finding and finger pointing of others.

My fear of rejection by clients is the flip side of the coin. I don’t deal with rejection well or bounce back up quickly. I retreat even more.

How can I break out of this self-sabotaging behaviour? And how can I drastically change perspective and shed my fears?

—Success Hungry Yet Success Scared (S. Africa)

DEAR S.H.Y.S.S.:

Many people have fear of success as well as fear of failure but don’t understand that those fears are holding them back. Your awareness of these fears will help you work through them more quickly since you can do so consciously.

Perhaps you can take the first step of breaking down your bigger goals into small concrete tasks in order of priority and tackle them one by one. Focusing on concrete tasks will ultimately be more productive for you than focusing on abstract worst-case scenarios or fears of being successful and then tanking or fears of being rejected (or your products rejected) by clients.

As you complete each small task, ensuring that they are part of your larger goals, validate each step you took and validate yourself for taking that step. Do this consistently and build small changes and, over time, this will result in a drastically changed perspective that you will have created by practicing changing your way of thinking over time.

You might want to work with a counselor also to help you work through those fears and the root causes.

I wish you any success that you want. I have no doubt you are capable of success as you work through these energies. I applaud your efforts.

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