MY HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORN

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My husband of twenty-three years is addicted to porn. He watches it on the Internet, staying up late at night in his office, and hides magazines in the garage and other places. His porn life has largely replaced our actual sex life and on the rare occasion we do have sex, I feel like a live blow-up doll and it makes me sick and I’m pretty much at the point I don’t even want him to touch me anymore. We’ve had many conversations and now fights about this but nothing ever changes. What do you recommend?

–Fed up (United States)

DEAR FED UP:

Porn addiction is an extremely common problem these days in “developed” countries. Whether porn itself is a problem depends on the couple and their agreement with each other, but when it’s affecting your satisfaction with the relationship, particularly in regards to your sex life, it is definitely a problem. And your comment that you feel like a live blow-up doll suggests that he isn’t emotionally or energetically present even when you two are actually having sex.

When someone’s addicted to anything—whether it’s porn, drugs, alcohol, or work, they’re usually running away from something in themselves, so it’s important that your husband get counseling or therapy to get to the root of this issue. Once he’s been in therapy for a little while, I would recommend couples’ counseling as well. Eventually, you might even want to look into taking a tantric class together so you can rebuild your relationship and sex lives on true intimacy, helping both of you be fully present in the new vibration of your relationship.

Great job at looking at this issue in your marriage.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Solomon Calvos
    Feb 16, 2015 @ 09:42:13

    Kudos to you for asking the question! I wish my wife were even interested in my finding a solution for my addiction. Does your husband know that you want things to change? Part of what drives me to my porn is the lack of intimacy with my wife. She is never interested in sex. We may have it once every 4 or 5 months. She is never in the mood. I realize I can’t pin my problem on her but it sure doesn’t help knowing that I have no outlet with her and that I am unwanted.

    Like

    Reply

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