HOW DOES A SHY PERSON NETWORK?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I’m starting a business. I work at home and I read so much about the need for networking. I am very shy and introverted. How does someone like me network?

—Hiding in my House (U.K.)

DEAR H.I.M.H. :

Fortunately you live in the perfect age for a shy and introverted businessperson who needs to network. Haha. You can take advantage of the Internet with your website and perhaps a facebook or other profile for your business. If you can, if it is appropriate, share a little bit about yourself even for your business website or facebook profile as the energy of story of the person starting the business can be an important draw for your business.

Start networking in person with your family and friends and simply ask them to help spread the word about your business to anyone they know who might benefit from your products or services. Think of networking as a way of getting to know others and letting them know you and start with smaller and local groups. You might also want to look into your local Chamber of Commerce and ask fellow friends who runs their own business to attend with you. That might make you feel more comfortable attending an event for a new group.

Please have fun and be yourself so people can come to know what a jewel you are inside.

SUNDAY SHARE: NOONEH KARAPETIAN JEWELRY DESIGNS

I love Nooneh Karapetian’s new jewelry line, which is powerful, stunning, and spiritual. All pieces are handcrafted. A number of her pieces also include stunning detail work such as Armenian filigree. I got a pair of her earrings and people often stop me and ask me about them in the street. They’re that gorgeous! Check out her new line if you like, even just to admire and enjoy looking at her work: http://www.nooneh.com.

IS THERE JUST ONE RIGHT PERSON FOR EACH OF US?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is there just one right person for each one of us? I think I met that person but blew it. Is this it for me?

—Alone (Canada)

DEAR A.:

Sometimes we may feel like we blew our one chance at happiness with a certain person, but there are infinite chances for us. You might even consider that because it is over with a certain person, maybe they weren’t the “right” person for you—or perhaps they were simply the right person to learn a particular lesson with.

You will meet someone else who is a wonderful match for you when you let go of the energy of holding onto a past love and open space for someone else who is the right match for you now.

Wishing you much love.

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How can you tell if a woman is interested in you as just a friend or romantically?

—Shy Guy (United States)

DEAR SHY GUY:

That’s a great question as sometimes discerning the difference can be very subtle, and can vary from person to person, and sometimes according to someone’s cultural, family, and religious backgrounds.

If you can, notice how the woman you’re interested in treats the people around her—both male and female, friends and close friends. If she is generally a friendly and extroverted person, it may be a little more difficult to tell but you can still look for little cues. If she is shy or more introverted, maybe she blushes more or seems more nervous or even may clam up. If she is extroverted, does she tend to touch you more than she does her other friends (both male and female)? Or maybe she’ll reach out more to you or ask you to call her or text you a lot just to say hi. You can also scope out if she’s seeing someone by asking her things like how was her weekend.

If she seems open, maybe ultimately you need to just follow your heart and make your interest known by making a romantic gesture like giving her flowers or inviting her on a date, stating, “I’d love to take you on a date,” so there’s no misunderstanding. Even if she is interested in being platonic friends only, she’ll respect you for putting yourself out there and expressing your feelings and you can stand tall with pride for being a man with the courage to follow and express his heart.

WHY DO PEOPLE SAY I’M JUDGMENTAL WHEN I DON’T ACT THAT WAY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My friends have told me I’m judgmental but I don’t feel like I ever act judgmental to them. What’s going on? It’s not just a couple friends who have told me that, but a number of people who have mentioned that to me over the years.

—Worried (United States)

DEAR W.:

I applaud you in looking for the truth in a case where many don’t have the courage to look within to see if something is the truth or not. Because you’ve heard this comment not once but a number of times and because you’re thinking about it, it’s probably a sign that there is some judgment energy to look at within yourself.

Even if you are not judgmental towards your friends, perhaps they have noticed you being judgmental towards others. Most likely, you may also be judgmental towards yourself. Also, people often pick up on not just words or actions, but energies as well.

Oftentimes, we may so in a particular energy that we don’t even notice that this is the case, particularly when we were raised in those energies so we don’t recognize a different way to be until we choose to be conscious of it.

Practice validation and acceptance towards others as well as towards yourself. Have fun doing this and notice if your relationship with others as well as with yourself starts to shift.

Enjoy the journey, friend.

ARE NEGATIVE ENTITIES AND EXORICMS REAL AND COULD I DO IT ON MYSELF?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Are there such a thing as negative entities and exorcisms? If I feel I have a negative entity attacking me, can I exorcise it from myself?

—Haunted (United States)

DEAR H.:

Yes, there are entities that are negative or harmful, and exorcisms, if done correctly, are real. There are also a number of charlatans or people who will say you have a negative entity or bad karma and that you must pay X amount of dollars to release it.

If you believe you have a negative entity attacking you, do not try to remove it yourself. It takes a lot of training in order to do that safely in most cases. For example, someone in the Catholic church told me that priests study 10 years to be able to perform an exorcism. The legitimate healers I know who remove harmful beings all studied and practiced many years as well in order to do it safely.

If you are suffering from this problem, please find someone legitimate who can assist you.

Wishing you a safe journey.

HOW DO I HANDLE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SNOOPING?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am dreading the holidays as my mother-in-law snoops when she is visiting. I know she has gone through our medicine cabinet and my desk as I have caught her rifling through our things, even though she claims she was just looking for aspirin or looking for a pen or whatever. How do I handle this in a way that won’t start World War III?

—Reluctant Hostess (United States)

DEAR RELUCTANT HOSTESS:

If you have something incredibly personal and private you don’t want to see, perhaps you might need to invest in a lockbox.

The next time you catch your mother-in-law in the act of snooping, I would address it neutrally, saying something like, “I’m really private and prefer that you not go into our medicine cabinet without asking but please feel free to ask me if you need anything and I will happily get you whatever you need.” If she cannot respect your rules and privacy once you’ve made that clear in a friendly and neutral way, you can always book her a room in a nearby bed and breakfast or spend the holidays at her house or meet at a neutral location like a scenic town halfway between you.

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE A STRANGER IN MY OWN LIFE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own life. What makes me feel like that?

—Stranger in a Familiar Land (Canada)

DEAR STRANGER:

Feeling like a stranger in your own life can actually be a very positive sign of your own inner growth. When you change, sometimes familiar situations or groups or environments may feel strange because you’re different than the old you that felt comfortable (or sometimes unaware) in those old environs.

Celebrate this feeling of strangeness and use this as an opportunity to view your life from a different perspective and take the opportunity to change anything you’ve outgrown.

Happy growing!

SUNDAY SHARE: ARTIST SHERYL MERCURE

I love Sheryl Mercure’s incredible art. Look at her paintings and just be. Notice what you feel inside and what comes up for you. Notice your connection to the divine within you and all around you as you enjoy her work. Here is her website:

https://www.sherylmercure.com/artintro.

CAN I ASK FOR MY FINANCIAL GIFT BACK FROM MY BROTHER’S WIDOW?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My brother passed away and I sent his widow money, thinking she would need a little help with funeral expenses and bills since he’s no longer in the picture. I’ve noticed she’s wearing new clothes and gets her hair dyed regularly and even had Botox and I think a facelift. I wish I had never given her the money. Can I ask for it back? I am still grieving and she is probably just trying to make herself look good to get a new man if she hasn’t already found one.

—Angry sister (United States)

DEAR A.S.:

I suggest you do not ask for the money back. It was a gift and you can’t put conditions on that gift. I understand that you are still grieving and getting that money back will not help your grief. Know that his widow is likely still grieving as well. She might not have spent your financial gift prudently but she might also just be trying to make herself feel better and trying to escape her own pain by shopping or making herself over after the trauma of losing her husband. Grief looks different on everyone.

Remember that, no matter what, you both loved your brother and she probably gave him a lot of joy by being in his life so thank her for that and think about positive things you can do for yourself that will make yourself feel better in a productive way.

Much love.

WHY DO I GET DEPRESSED AT THE ZOO?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Whenever I go to the zoo, I get really depressed. I can be having a great day and happy as a clam, and then get to the zoo, and feel awful. Why is that?

—Not Having Fun at the Zoo (United States)

DEAR N.H.F.A.T.Z.:

You’re probably very sensitive to energy. Before I learned how to protect my energy, I too would get extremely depressed at the zoo because I would pick up on the energy of the animals, many of whom were bored and depressed.

Try imagining energy roses on all sides of you and allow the roses to absorb external energy rather than having your body absorb it. When the roses get full of depressed or other energies, explode them and create fresh new roses around you. Repeat as needed.

Also, consider visiting and supporting places that treat animals well and that give them plenty of space, preferably in their natural habitat. One animal sanctuary I love if you are ever in the San Francisco Bay Area, is PreetiRang (http://www.preetirangsanctuary.org).

HOW DO I STAY FAITHFUL?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I sometimes fantasize about other men. I have been married to my husband for more than twenty years and he is a good man but I just feel so bored that I am almost depressed. I have been faithful but I don’t know if I want to or am capable of continuing to be faithful. I am longing for something more than this. Is this all life is? Is this all love is? Even with a good man?

—Wifey (Canada)

DEAR WIFEY:

I applaud the fact that you have been able to stay faithful to your husband for decades. The most important thing to remember is the importance of creating passion for ourselves. That means for your individual life, not just for the marriage, although of course marriages need passion as well. What do you love to do? Do you like to paint, do crafts, write, or travel? Start getting excited about your life in ways that don’t involve some other man. Once your reignite the passion in your own life, it is much easier to build and maintain the passion for your husband.

For the two of you, try switching things up—travel, take a class together on something you’ve always wanted to learn about, eat a new kind of food at a local restaurant, try some new sex positions or tantra, or go camping or take a little trip to somewhere the two of you have never been before. Yeah, it can get old when you’re with the same person for decades but it certainly doesn’t have to and it doesn’t have to stay old. Validate the beauty and the magic and miracle of creating a love and a life with the same person and experiment and see just how deeply in love the two of you can go. No matter how familiar he is to you, or how old hat he may seem, I guarantee there are things about him you will be delighted to discover and explore because no, this is not all that life and love have to offer you.

HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT MY SEXUALITY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am in high school and I guess I am popular but I’m a big fake. My whole life is fake. My parents are fake. My sister is fake. I’ve been into a couple of girls but mostly I’m not into girls. My parents will go ballistic if I try to tell them the truth. What can I do? I don’t want to be a big fake like my family.

—Scared Sh*tless (United States)

DEAR S.S.:

I congratulate you for your quest for living an authentic life. Many people, no matter what age, are “scared sh*tless” to be who they are in the world. Your asking this question means you have the courage and also the means to be REAL instead of fake.

No matter what your parents’ reaction is to your truth, honor yourself for being who you are and for taking steps to live your truth. This is a process and you are taking the first steps.

You might want to check out this website for some resources: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx. There are many other resources online, so check those out as well.

Above all, know that you’re not alone. Many other people of all ages are on all different ranges in the spectrum of sexuality and this is just one aspect of who you are—like your hair color, your talents, your intelligence, etc. It is part of the unique recipe of what makes you the person you are. So keep getting to know who you are and celebrate all parts of your individuality and celebrate your courage to express your unique brand of authenticity in the world.

I applaud your courage and your walk of authenticity, my friend.

HOW DO I HANDLE MY GOSSIPING FRIEND?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

One of my friends is always gossiping about our friends and I feel very uncomfortable. How should I handle this?

—Uncomfortable (United States)

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE:

First, be very careful what you say to this friend because he/she is likely to gossip about you in the same way he/she does about others.

Second, you might want to mention you don’t feel comfortable hearing gossip about your other friends. If the gossiping continues after this point, change the subject to something more positive. You might want to also consider if you really want to spend as much time with this friend.

Great awareness of your feelings in this energy. Thank you.

HOW TO BUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP ONCE THE TRUST IS BROKEN?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do I build trust in a relationship again after it’s been broken?

—Samba (Mali)

DEAR SAMBA:

Whether you have lost someone’s trust or whether someone has lost yours, it will take time and consistency to rebuild the trust.

If you are the one who broke someone’s trust, it is important for you to look at your part in breaking the trust and the reasons behind it. If you do not do this, you are likely to repeat similar mistakes. Next, apologize to the person and explain that you realized why you did that (and share the reason if it feels appropriate) and tell them you are working to regain their trust. Finally—and this will be a process—you will have to work consistently to prove to them you are trustworthy—you are going to have to show up and be impeccable in doing what you say you’re going to do. And then you’re going to have to do it again and again and again.

This is a wonderful journey, however, not just for them but also for you because, in regaining their trust, you are practicing becoming a more trustworthy individual, not just for them, but for yourself, and this will only make your life better in the long run.

If someone broke your trust, look at your energetic matches with them in yourself. Are there ways that you break promises to yourself? Or let yourself down in your goals towards your betterment as an individual? Are there similar ways you let others down? Next, sit down with that person and talk about how you felt and what needs to happen for you to regain trust in that person. Their reaction to this conversation will be a good clue as to whether they will work to regain your trust or not. If you feel that they are sorry and are truly going to try to make amends and gain your trust back, you can think about moving forward with them.

Keep in mind, however, that some people may give lip service but not follow through on their actions in becoming more trustworthy. Over time, you will have to decide whether you truly want this person in your life. If someone is not loyal to themselves or strong in themselves, they can not truly be loyal or trustworthy to you, much less anyone else, and this is no reflection on your worth as a person.

Thank you for bringing up this important topic, Samba.

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