30 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, complainers, dali mama, negative thinking, people who keep repeating the same things over and over, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do you talk to someone that keeps repeating the same things over and over? My brother-in-law has been having all kinds of problems and I try to talk to him and give advice but he’s so negative in his thinking and just keeps saying the same excuses and complaints and I’m so tired of it that I’m not wanting to talk to him anymore or even see him.
–Tired Ears (Canada)
DEAR TIRED EARS:
It can be frustrating talking to someone you are trying to cheer up who is not hearing what you are saying and just keeps repeating negative thoughts. Initially when someone does this, all you can do is listen.
Also, maybe you can validate his ability to get out of it or ask him questions to make him think how he can change this pattern rather than being stuck in it. For example, you could say, “So what is one thing you can do to improve the situation?” If this doesn’t work after a while, maybe you should just save your breath until he is ready to actually hear you or make a positive change.
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29 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, introducing your kid to different music, listening to a song over and over, listening to a song repetitively, music lessons, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My kid listens to the same song over and over and over again. It’s driving me crazy. How do I handle this?
–Fed up (Canada)
DEAR FED UP:
Some people like to immerse themselves in certain music before they move onto the next song or kind of music. Your kid might be one of those people. Eventually, your kid will switch to another song.
Perhaps you could help the process along by taking your kid to different concerts (some towns or libraries or music schools offer free performances) or introducing your kid to cool songs of different genres (including whatever kinds of music kids of the same age are listening to) and listening to them together and discussing what you like about each song.
You might want to ask your kid if he/she wants to take music lessons as well. Then, that ability to really listen to a song over and over and practice it and learn it thoroughly may pay off someday, whether for your kid’s enjoyment or a prosperous career in music.
Also, may I suggest headphones? Preferably the on-ear headphones, not earbuds, as that’s probably better for your child’s hearing if he/she is constantly listening to music.
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28 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: a vampire, a zombie, advice column, an Avatar, Angelina Jolie, ask dali mama, costumes, dali mama, Day of the Dead, fairy, Halloween, Lady Gaga, makeup, makeup artist, Michelle Phan, space princess, spiritual advice column, sunday share, Tim Buron, Youtube.com
TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE: MICHELLE PHAN, MAKEUP ARTIST
Every Sunday, I feature something cool I come across.
With Halloween coming up (for those in countries that celebrate Halloween or act or have a cool costume party coming up), go to www.YouTube.com and type in Michelle Phan makeup tutorials. She has tutorials on how to to do makeup for Day of the Dead, a vampire, an Avatar, a Tim Burton character, to look like Lady Gaga, Angelina Jolie, a fairy, a space princess, and much more. Michelle Phan is truly a makeup genius.
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27 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Sex
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, coital alignment technique, cowgirl sexual position, curved penis, dali mama, different sexual positions, experimentation, reverse cowgirl, reverse cowgirl sexual position, scar tissue, scar tissue on penis, soreness, soreness from curved penis, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am a woman dating a man with a curved penis. Sometimes certain internal spots get irritated because of the constant pressure on certain areas because of the curvature. Your suggestions?
–Sore (Canada)
DEAR SORE:
Perhaps you could play with different positions and switch things up regularly so that the same spots are not affected by too much pressure over time. For example, maybe you could do cowgirl one time, then reverse cowgirl the next time, then the coital alignment technique the next. Fortunately, there’s a multitude of different positions you can try and experiment with. Switch things up a lot and that will not only alleviate the issue of too much pressure on certain areas but might be some fun variety for your sex life as well. Have fun exploring!
Your guy might want to see his doctor as well and make sure there is nothing physical going on that can easily be addressed. For example, sometimes scar tissue or certain conditions can cause penile curvature, which can sometimes increase over time.
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26 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, false pretenses, football, girlfriend changed when we got married, lack of sex, parents’ behaviors, parents’ patterns, sex, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am married to this chick that I feel misrepresented herself when we were dating. She said she liked football and we had lots of action too in the bedroom. As soon as the wedding was over, all of that stopped. She complains about me watching football and doesn’t want to watch it with me or my buddies. I won’t even get into the lack of action around here. I feel like I got married under false pretenses and now I’m either in hell or have to get a divorce and end up shelling out for alimony or whatever for years.
–Stuck (United States)
DEAR STUCK:
I can imagine the frustration you’re feeling. I think the first step would be to talk with her and find out what is going on. Did she ever really like football (or sex, for that matter), or was she behaving a certain way in order to try to get you to commit to her? I suggest you both go to couples counseling as well.
Sometimes people’s behaviors change once they get married because they fall into a trap of living out their parents’ dynamics or patterns without even being aware that this is what they’re doing.
It’ll be up to you both to get to the root of what is really going on here.
If she was pretending about those things the whole time you were dating, then you’ll have to see if there’s enough there in common between you two to continue down this path. You might be able to find new ways you can bond and connect, including improving the amount of “action,” or maybe, if the whole marriage was based on lies, cut your losses and make space for a relationship that suits you better.
NOTE TO READERS: I invite you to send in any questions to askdalimama@gmail.com or to write your question in the comments section.
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25 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, high school, making friends at a new school, move, moving, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My family moved this summer and I am at a whole new high school in a whole new state and I don’t know anyone here. I’ve tried to make friends with the kids here but they are pretty clique-y. Or maybe it’s just me although I seemed to do ok back home. What should I do?
–Newbie (United States)
DEAR NEWBIE:
Congratulations on your new start. It can be challenging to be the new kid at school, but perhaps you could join some clubs that interest you. Theater, yearbook, newspaper, chess, or sports maybe. Look and see what clubs exist at your school. Or maybe you could even start one of your own if there’s nothing that really grabs you. Joining a club is a great way to get to know other people in your school. Also, if you’re religious or spiritual, maybe you could check out a local church or synagogue or something and see if they have a youth group you can get involved with.
Another thing you might want to do is approach some other kids that are on their own. Or maybe a group of three other kids, as sometimes it’s difficult to join a group of two that are involved in a one-to-one conversation. Don’t take it personally if they’re not receptive. Keep being yourself and stay confident. Often it is the people that are insecure and unhappy that aren’t friendly to others that approach them and they may feel just as nervous as you do, so keep that in mind.
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24 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, boundary roses, crowds, dali mama, do I have to go to my friend’s party, energetic roses, energy, sensitive people, social etiquette, social obligations, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I hate going to parties but feel bad if I skip them. My good friend’s big 50th birthday party is coming up and I know there will be a huge crowd and I just can’t deal. Do I have to go?
–Outskirter (Canda)
DEAR OUTSKIRTER:
I think you don’t HAVE to do most things in life. If you are not comfortable at parties, perhaps you could instead take your friend to a quiet lunch together or make him/her lunch or dinner at your home. That way, you can celebrate this special birthday with your friend while not subjecting yourself to a large gathering in which you don’t feel comfortable.
If you do choose to go to the party, or any party or large gathering for that matter, one thing you can do is to help yourself manage the energy. Many sensitive people get overwhelmed with energy in large crowds. One thing you can do is to imagine putting large energetic roses on each side of you (and above you and below you) and to allow those roses to absorb all the energy that’s coming at you while allowing in only energies that you want in a more filtered, neutral form. And set the intention to go to any party for your optimal fun and enjoyment.
Play with that next time you go to a gathering or go out in public and see if that helps.
Whatever you choose to do, have fun!
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23 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, discerning the truth, lie, spiritual advice column, truth, what is a lie, what is the truth, what’s not, what’s real
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How can you tell what’s real and what’s not? What’s the truth and what’s a lie?
–Confused (England)
DEAR CONFUSED:
Oh, that is an excellent question, my friend. And one about which volumes could be written. Here is a very basic, usually applicable guideline. When you are in the quietest part of you that is peaceful and calm and feels like God, what do you believe then? Sometimes this is a complicated process—clearing out all the lies and other people’s energy or beliefs so you can even begin to connect to that still space of truth within you. If you feel confused or upset when you’re thinking about “the truth,” it may or may not be the truth. You must get neutral to whatever is in order to discern or have the truth.
I hope this helps you in your quest for discernment. Enjoy the process and the growth that comes along with it, my friend.
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22 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Health
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, exercise, exercise regimen, health, how to start an exercise regimen, spiritual advice column, validating body
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am trying to start a healthy exercise regimen but just can’t seem to get going, even when I wake up early in order to go exercise. I welcome any suggestions.
–Slug (United States)
DEAR SLUG:
This is pretty common when you’re starting out any kind of new program, so keep heart! Do you have any friend/neighbor you can be exercise buddies with? If you’re meeting someone at the gym at a certain time or at the corner to go for a jog, it’s a lot easier to create a habit of healthy exercise when you have to be accountable to someone else who would be very annoyed to not have you show up!
Also, set your exercise to honor and support you and have fun with your body and keep validating it as the blood flows more easily through your body, as your lungs build its capacity, and your energy levels start to change. Set your exercise to validation and for your optimal health, and release any existing energies of “having to” to anything or resistance to the way your body is now.
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21 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Sunday's Share
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, equality, hiphop, honor, love, music, musician, positive lyrics, Racine Carree, rapper, spiritual advice column, Stromae, sunday share, uplifting lyrics
Every Sunday, I like to share something cool I’ve come across.
My friend Danielle told me about Stromae. I don’t speak French, but those of you who understand French can enjoy his lyrics and their messages of love and equality and honor. He is known as a poet and if you can understand his lyrics, you will understand why.
Check him out at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6CmHVlk-8Y
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20 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, shyness, shyness in large groups, social anxiety, social skills, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I feel I have pretty decent social skills. I am great talking to people one-on-one or in small groups of maybe up to three or four people. But when the crowd gets any bigger than that, particularly at a party, I clam up and might as well be a big, silent clam in the room. How do I change myself so I can function in a group setting?
–Unbearably Shy (Canada)
DEAR SHY:
Perhaps you can practice being your amazing self in bigger and bigger groups. If you feel comfortable with four people, get together in groups of four for a while. Then spend the next month going to at least once function a week with five people. Then the next week, have a party with six people, for example.
The good thing is that it sounds like you already have good social skills so it’s more of a matter of being who you are/staying who you are, no matter how many people are around. You don’t need to change yourself.
Notice any energies that make you withdraw into your shell, then laugh, and poke your head back out. Keep doing this and watch as it becomes easier and easier over time to shine no matter who or how many people are around.
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19 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, alone, alone on a Saturday night, ask dali mama, dali mama, loser, Saturday night, social opportunities, spiritual advice column, validating your own company
DEAR DALI MAMA:
On weekends, sometimes I end up at home alone as I am single and in my 30s. Being alone on a Saturday night makes me feel like a loser and even more alone. How do I get out of this rut?
–Lonely (Canada)
DEAR LONELY:
Well, you’re doing the most important thing—looking at this so you can change your situation. First, validate the worth and joy of your own company. When you have time to yourself, whether on a Saturday night or any time of the week, take some time to honor that opportunity and to enjoy your own company, whether it’s an opportunity to sit quietly and meditate, to take a bath, catch up on errands or organizing, taking nap, or doing something you’ve wanted to do a long time.
When you’re in the energy of really appreciating you and who you are, take action to create some social opportunities if you like. Invite a few friends over for a potluck or coffee or movie night or something fun for some Saturday night. Chances are, other people are feeling the same way and would be delighted for the opportunity to hang out together and do something fun on a Saturday night.
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18 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Money
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, cheap, dali mama, difference between cheap and frugal, frugal, line between cheap and frugal, smart, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My girlfriend thinks I’m really cheap. I don’t feel like I’m cheap, just frugal. And that I’m being smart. Where does the line fall between cheap and smart/frugal? Please help us resolve this dispute.
–Flummoxed (United States)
DEAR FLUMMOXED:
That’s a good question and the answer is different for every person and couple. One question to think about: Do you ever skimp on things that would make you or your girlfriend comfortable or your life easier even when you can easily afford them? If so, maybe in that moment, you could be being cheap rather than frugal. If you buy something that’s poorly made that will break soon because you don’t want to shell out money for something that will last even though you could use it, you might be being cheap rather than frugal.
However, if you don’t spend $20-$40 bucks on a dozen roses because you’d rather buy a rosebush to plant that will bear flowers for years, you’re probably being frugal/smart rather than cheap. This is an analogy, of course, but you get the idea.
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17 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Work
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, looking for work, making friends, moving for work, spiritual advice column, unemployed
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am an engineer but have been unemployed. I got offered a great job but it is in a different state where I know no one. It is difficult for me to make friends but I finally know a lot of nice folks in my current city. What do you recommend?
–Looking to Get Back on the Gravy Train (United States)
DEAR LOOKING:
If the job you have been offered is good and you’ve been looking for a long time and the town you’d move to seems livable, don’t let the fear of not being able to meet people stop you from taking the job.
You managed to get to know lots of nice folks where you live now so you can do it again in your new home. Plus you’ll still be able to keep in touch easily with your current friends, thanks to the Internet and reasonably priced airfare.
If you do take the job, start looking into clubs or organizations in the new location. Check into places such as metup.com, where you can hook up with people with similar interests and have the opportunity to meet new friends.
Congratulations on this new opportunity.
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16 Sep 2014
by askdalimama
in Sex
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, foreplay, quid pro quo, selfish lover, spiritual advice column, turnoff
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My guy is pretty selfish in bed. I always give him lots of foreplay (oral and manual) and I love doing so. But he just accepts it then just wants to have intercourse without reciprocating at all and I am starting to feel pissed. What do you think? I’m even getting a little turned off at the idea of having sex and I’ve always been a woman that loved having sex.
–Frustrated (United States)
DEAR FRUSTRATED:
First, communicate about this to him. Second, the operative phrase here is quid pro quo, my friend. And I think you should have him pleasure you before and intercourse to lessen the chance of him rolling over and passing out without ensuring you have been satisfied.
Maybe you could even make it fun and play a game of he does one thing for you, you do one thing for him. Tit for tat. Ha ha.
Remember: quid pro quo!
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