31 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, dating, dating with a STD, dating with herpes, dating with STDs, herpes, medweb, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have herpes, which I got from my ex, and I have been single a few years and I am afraid no one will want to be with me because of the herpes so I haven’t even gone on any dates since we broke up. What do you advise?
–Lonely (United States)
DEAR LONELY:
I believe that there is always love for everyone. It is part of our divine right when we are open to being loved and to loving. One thing you might want to consider is looking for online social groups. The Internet has a million groups all over the world for people of all interests—people who like to hike, foodies, people who are interested in film, and also people who have herpes. Maybe you would feel more comfortable starting out by joining a social club with others in your area who have herpes. That way you don’t have to deal with the uncomfortableness of explaining your medical situation to a prospective romantic partner.
I would also continue to meet people and date as you would normally. Take your time in getting to know a prospective partner and, when you start to get close and decide you’d both like to take things further (but well before the heat of the moment), you can let them know about your condition. If they’re the right person for you, they won’t be dissuaded and you can take precautions to protect their health. You might want to check out http://medweb.mit.edu/wellness/programs/herpes.html for further information on herpes and safe sex.
May you love wholeheartedly and be loved wholeheartedly.
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29 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, can men and women be friends, dali mama, platonic friendship, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Can men and women really be friends?
–Curious (United States)
DEAR CURIOUS:
Yes indeed. We are each much more than our gender. Sometimes we might have to be more conscious to really see each other as individuals or, in some cases, to not let physical attraction dictate the dynamics or manifestation of our friendships, but I have many beloved, platonic male friends just as I have many beloved, platonic female friends.
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28 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, divorce, ex badmouths spouse, family counseling, family dynamics, family therapist, love, positivity, respect, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been divorced for a year. I have two small children for whom I share custody with my ex-wife. Sometimes my daughter who is four will say bad things about me, which I believe she is repeating, like “That’s because you’re a bad daddy and you don’t care about any of us.” My wife says things like that on the phone to me and I think she is parroting what she has heard, but it hurts me a lot. How do I handle this?
–Hurting Dad (Australia)
DEAR HURTING DAD:
I would start by having a neutral conversation with your ex-wife, possibly with a family therapist, and emphasizing the importance for each of you to speak with respect to each other. Even though your daughter is probably parroting what she has heard her mother say to you, this will impact her thinking, possibly for years to come or for the rest of her life if this is not addressed as soon as possible.
You might want to go with the whole family as well to therapy so you can all start building a new and positive way of relating to each other in the context of the new family structure.
No matter what your ex says to your children, never say anything negative about her. If you are defending yourself, I suggest not saying things like that she was wrong or whatever, but just stating the positives as related to your own self. For example, if your daughter says that you don’t care about any of them, simply state with love that you will always love her and her sibling. Maybe you could even say that you will always love her mother because she gave birth to her and her sibling and that you’ll always be thankful for that. Talk to the family therapist, though, and get some specifics guidelines on what would be appropriate for the ages of children you have and for the particular family dynamics you’re working through.
I applaud your courage in working through this and for finding a way to improve this situation with positivity and love. In the end, love is the only thing that matters.
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27 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, difference between a twin flame and a soulmate, karma, karmic agreements, passion, soulmate, spiritual advice column, spiritual lessons, twin flame, twin flame vs. soulmate, what is a soulmate, what is a twin flame
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I wrote to you earlier but have one more question. What’s the main difference anyway between twin flames and soulmates? And is it such a big deal to find your twin flame–or can you have an equally mind blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate?
–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia)
DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING M’SOULMATE:
Many people do long to meet their twin flame but it isn’t terribly common to incarnate in the same lifetime with each other, nor would it always even be desirable. For example, if you came in this lifetime to develop a healthy sense of ego and individuality balanced with knowing the oneness of humanity, incarnating with your twin flame might impede that lessons you came to learn.
It is possible to create a mind-blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate, with a twin flame, or on your own, for that matter. The more you create that for yourself, the likelier it is that you will attract someone that can share that with you and contribute equally in creating a mind-blowing and fulfilling life together.
Short answer about twin flames vs. soulmates: A twin flame is essentially considered your other half. The other half of your soul, if you will. But then again, in the bigger picture, we’re all part of the same oversoul, aren’t we? We are all one anyways.
A soulmate can be someone special (not limited to the romantic realm—a buddy, a child, a parent, etc.) with whom you have a soul agreement to help each other learn different lessons you’ve been wanting to learn. Sometimes this can feel wonderful and sometimes not. You can imagine. Who else but your soulmate would agree to help you release the worst kind of pain or grief or whatever limiting habits or energies or beliefs? Some people pray and pray to meet their soulmate and when that soulmate breaks their heart so they can release all the old grief or walls or whatever they needed to release, they forget to say thank you for having their prayers answered because they don’t know they got exactly what they asked for.
Both twin flames and soulmates come with different teachings and different gifts. For example, with a twin flame, sometimes if you date or marry a twin flame, you have to consciously feed the passion between you because you are one and the same, which doesn’t always translate to hot sex or instant passion. On the other hand, when one dates a soulmate, often there is volcanic attraction and sex between you, fueled by the fires of karma.
Any which way you choose, it’s all good in the end. Just intend to meet the person that is right for you and follow your heart and listen to your spirit.
Much love. Wishing you well on your journey.
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26 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, annoying characteristics, ask dali mama, comparisons, compatibility, dali mama, dealbreakers, soulmate, spiritual advice column, twin flame
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I recently found out that my twin flame hasn’t incarnated with me on Earth this lifetime and initially this was a bit of a shock. So I want to know how I can find as close a fit to him as possible in the form of someone else—or is that just not a healthy thing to do…?
Also, what if you meet a soulmate that has a couple of annoying aspects in their personality? Do you just put up and shut up (hoping they’ll change and heal with time) or do you move on to someone else? What should be the deciding factor?
–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia)
DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING M’SOULMATE:
I’ll try to answer your questions one by one. It’s wonderful you’re thinking about these things.
As far as looking for someone who is the closest match to your twin flame, I would suggest not doing so. Instead, you might want to think both generally and specifically about what qualities are important to you in a mate and in your ideal relationship and look for someone with those qualities whose ideal relationship matches yours as much as possible.
If you are looking for someone with the intention of him being the closet thing possible to your twin flame, it’s very invalidating for your potential suitors, and you would also be holding them to an impossible ideal to measure up to because how could he possibly measure up in any way to your twin flame who, because he isn’t incarnate at the time, doesn’t have to deal with bills or jobs or worry or stress or insecurity or the other dense energies of the planet? After all, an incarnate human, no matter how exceptional their spirit is, can never match up to some abstract ideal of a spirit who doesn’t have the challenges of being on the earthly plane.
And of course, I’m guessing likewise you wouldn’t feel very good about the situation if your partner compared you to some impossible ideal, whether it’s his twin flame who is not incarnate in this lifetime or an ex or a wife who passed away at an early age or some celebrity or to anybody else for that matter. That would do neither of you any good at all.
As far as meeting a soulmate with a couple of annoying aspects in their personality, I’d be amazed and thankful if they just had a couple. Ha ha. Every single one of us humans are replete with annoying aspects and the funny thing (even though it doesn’t always seem funny) is the most annoying aspects are those that match our own challenges in one way or another. Also, the thing about soulmates is that we have soul agreements with each other to bring to light some of the oldest and gnarliest pain or lies or whatever else has been tamped down inside of you that is not really you, and that process is not always fun. Not in the least. Of course, there’s always free will so you can run away from these lessons and always try again at a later date or lifetime, but I always like to go for the growth now.
Finally, I suggest that you never date or marry someone, soulmate or not, hoping they will change. If you can’t live with them exactly as they are, don’t marry them. Don’t even date them once you discover any dealbreakers (and each person must decide for themselves what those dealbreakers are). Hopefully your dealbreakers are misalignments to your core values, not things like that he wears socks with Birkenstocks or anything less pertinent to true compatibility.
Another even funnier thing is that you may run away from someone because of their annoying facets, but you’ll soon discover that no matter how many times you move on, you’ll move onto someone new and discover their own unique set of annoying facets. You’ll also probably find they have annoying facets that are very similar to the ones you ran away from because you left the last relationship without addressing what you needed to learn from that relationship and without releasing your own matches to those energies you found extremely annoying.
Only you can decide what is most important to you and what the deciding factors or dealbreakers are. However, keep in mind that we all are imperfectly perfect as humans and that’s part of the package for us all. Knowing this, if you want, practice validating and seeing the divine in every single person you come across and that will open up the space for love with the person who is right for you in the moment
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25 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: art gallery, ask dali mama, dali mama, floral radiographs, floral radiography, flowers, plants, Stephen N. Myers, sunday share, www.xray-art.com, x-ray photography
Today I’d like to feature an artist and photographer, Stephen N. Myers, whose work I published years ago when I worked in publishing. His work continues to be classic and provides a inner vision into the beauty of plants and flowers through his x-ray photography. See http://www.xray-art.com to view his work and be sure to check out the gallery if you wish.
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24 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, conversation, dali mama, internet, meditation, quiet, radio, spiritual advice column, stillness, time for yourself, tv, walking meditation
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have just developed an interest in meditation. How should I go about pursuing that? I tried to do the exercises of grounding and running energy that you send for free but even that seems a little difficult for me. How best to start?
–Curious (United States)
DEAR CURIOUS:
Keep at the exercises I sent you, doing even 10 minutes a day or maybe 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes before you go to sleep if you can. Even if you can’t quite feel the energy yet, set your intention and just follow along with the exercise. Eventually, over time, you will develop more awareness on your meditation as your body gets accustomed to doing these meditations.
Another thing I suggest is simply to carve out time for stillness and quiet. For example, take at least 15 minutes a day of silence—no tv, no radio, no Internet, no conversation and hopefully others will leave you in peace for a little while every day. In other words, no distractions from yourself. Perhaps you can let loved ones know that every morning, you will be taking quiet time for yourself at a certain time and not to come in when you’re meditating.
You can also do your own version of walking meditation—walking in a park or a forest trail or something, but in completely silence, with no headphones or Ipod, only your thoughts. That’s a great way to start—simply taking time for just you and your thoughts. Notice what thoughts come up for you and don’t try to solve anything or fix any problems. Just notice what you notice and let the thoughts float away, just letting yourself be in the moment.
Enjoy the exploration.
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23 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, choosing between two lovers, choosing between two men, dali mama, financial stability, passion, spiritual advice column, wholeness
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do you choose between two men, both good men but very different from each other? One is financially stable and responsible and kind and reliable and very intellectually stimulating. One is truly a god in between the sheets and is fun and spontaneous and adventurous. How to choose between such two very different men?
–Torn between Two Lovers (United States)
DEAR TORN:
Well, that is a good question. Can you just have both of them? Ha ha. Barring that option, there are some issues to consider.
First, know that no one human being, no matter how wonderful, can ever fulfill your every need or expectation. That being said, it is important to validate and nurture your own wholeness and to develop the kinds of qualities you are looking for in a mate and to infuse your life with those qualities you wish for.
If you want someone financially stability, have you developed your own solid financial foundation? If you want someone who is adventurous, have you fostered your own sense of adventure? If you want someone reliable, are you reliable for others and reliable for yourself?
Also keep in mind that the sex comprises a comparatively small part of each day and the passion, for many couples at least, doesn’t necessarily burn as hot after a while, along there are things couples can do to keep those fires burning.
You’ll have to decide what your priorities are as you make this choice. One thing to look at is the possibility of bringing in more passion into your relationship with the first partner if that is what you want. Or bringing in more stability (if that is what you want) into your relationship with the second man. Notice too how you feel about yourself when you are with each man. Do you feel more yourself when you are with one or the other? How do each of them push you to grow in each relationship? That being said, follow your heart, my friend.
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22 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, coming out, courage, dali mama, freedom, homosexuality, partner is closeted, partner is in the closet, relationship counselor, sexuality, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been out of the closet since I was 17 and am in a relationship with a man who is still very much in the closet even though he claims to be out. He told his parents that he is gay but refuses to tell anyone at work about me. I have been to his office after hours and there’s not even a photo of me on his desk or anywhere else in his office. I’m guessing that none of his colleagues even know I exist or know that he is with anyone. I’ve never been invited to any of his company holiday parties even though I feel his company, though conservative, is at least open-minded enough for him to bring me to social functions. I am getting tired of this as it has been four years and I feel I am being kept in the closet with my partner due to his refusal to really claim me as his partner to all of the world. What do you recommend?
–One Foot Out (United States)
DEAR ONE FOOT OUT:
Only you can decide what you need to do. The question to ask yourself is whether the joy and fulfillment you have with him outweighs the resentment and frustration of feeling invisible and hidden in your partner’s life. A relationship counselor might be able to help both of you understand each other’s perspectives in this situation as well to help you as you make your decision.
Also, no one can truly keep you in the closet if you’re out. Be proud of who you are and of your sexuality and don’t take your partner’s reluctance to be public with you personally. You were amazingly self-aware and courageous to come out as a teenager but sometimes others may need more time to have that same level of courage and freedom.
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21 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, relationship counselor, sex drive, spiritual advice column, wife doesn’t want to have sex often
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My wife almost never wants to have sex anymore and I am feeling very frustrated. We’ve only been married three years. What happens if it goes downhill from now? I don’t know if I can live like this the rest of my life.
–Worried (Taiwan)
DEAR WORRIED:
Start by having a conversation with your wife. Is she under stress lately? Is she on certain medications that might be affecting her libido? Sometimes hormone imbalances can affect sex drive as well.
Is there something that would put her more in the mood? Maybe having more help around the house, spending more quality alone time together outside of the bedroom, more foreplay (which begins truly way before either of you get in the bedroom), spicing things up by playing with new positions or toys, or something else?
Start by talking to each other about what’s going on and also having her talk to her doctor to see if there might be a medical reason for her decreased sex drive. Depending on what her doctor says, you both might want to see a relationship therapist as well.
If your marriage is otherwise solid, I hope you will both do what it takes to get this aspect of your marriage back on a happy track. Most of all, remind her that you love her.
READERS: Thank you for joining us. Please feel free to write in your own questions, either in this comment section or by emailing askdalimama@gmail.com.
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20 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, betrayal, dali mama, domination, emotional betrayal, financial betrayal, intimacy, punishment, relationship counseling, s & m, sex, sexual betrayal, spiritual advice column, submission
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I recently found out my boyfriend of several years has been into S&M and has been frequenting a dominatrix. We have been living together for two years and I found out because of strange and repeated large charges of $250-$500 at a time on our credit card. I don’t know how I could have not known this was going on and feel that this is the breaking point of our relationship. Can it be salvaged or is there even any point? I feel like I don’t even know who he is. That I never ever actually knew him.
–Confused & Hurt (United States)
DEAR CONFUSED & HURT:
I completely understand how your confusion and pain. This is a case of financial betrayal as well as emotional and sexual betrayal, although S & M is a lot more about control and punishment and domination and submission than it is about intimacy and sex.
I suggest you start by both seeing a relationship counselor as well as individual counseling and that you get a little more neutral to the situation first, and then decide on what is the best course of action for you. Either way, it will help you process what happened whether you decide to stay or to go.
You might also want to talk to your individual therapist or counselor about the possibility of separating out your finances, at least for now, so you are not liable for such charges if they put your finances in a precarious position.
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19 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, discipline, punishment, sciatica, spanking, spiritual advice column, violence
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What do you think of spanking? Is it bad to spank a child, even lightly? That was how I was brought up and I am doing fine but I have heard that spanking children, even lightly, is not good for them. What do you think?
–Mom (United States)
DEAR MOM:
Although many of us were brought up being spanked as discipline (myself included), I prefer to teach children through positive reinforcement. Spanking, even light spanking, is still violence and is humiliating and disempowering to boot. Is that really what we want to teach our young people? To NOT do things because of fear of punishment rather than to strive for excellence for other self-motivated reasons? Some studies suggest that spanking might even be related to physical issues such as sciatica.
Here’s an interesting site by Jordan Riak I came across from Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE) that addresses spanking: http://nospank.net/pt2011.htm. Read it if you want and take what resonates for you.
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17 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, creating new rituals, dali mama, escaping feelings, escapism, lonely, lungs, popping out of your body, quitting smoking, replacing rituals, smoking, smoking addiction, smoking triggers, spiritual advice column, stress, unconscious, validate, validation, walk
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Do you have any suggestions on quitting smoking?
–Hacking and Harried (England)
DEAR H&H:
Congratulations on deciding to quit.
To start, notice what you notice about smoking? Do you have particular triggers that make you want to smoke? For example, do you always want to smoke after eating? Do what you can to make small switches to triggers to make it easier to quit. For example, if you always want to smoke after a meal, make a new post-meal ritual to replace the smoking, like going for a short walk instead of lighting up after each meal. Your body and your lungs will thank you.
Also notice—do you jones for a cigarette when you’re in a certain type of mood? For example, do you grab a cigarette when you feel lonely or stressed? If so, just sit with whatever emotion you’re experiencing and just have it for a while and let it be okay. Often, people smoke as a way to pop out of their body to escape from uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, however, the feelings and issues are still there (and probably have increased) by popping out and going unconscious to the feelings by smoking. So just notice what you notice and let those energies be before lighting up.
Also validate that you are senior to smoking, to cigarettes. Validate your power and your power to choose yourself, your health, and your prosperity, over giving your power (and health and money) to a corporation that wants to profit off of your dependence on their product.
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