WHY AM I UNEASY BECAUSE I MAKE MORE THAN MY BOYFRIEND?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 42-year-old and I have been dating a 36-year-old man for some time. The only problem is that I make a lot more than he does. I do great financially and I could even support us both, but I feel a little uneasy about this. Your thoughts?

–Wary (United States)

DEAR WARY:

If you could support both of you, are you wary because you’re worried about being taken advantage of? Or are you worried because the two of you don’t fit the typical American cookie-cutter template of the man making more than the woman and supporting the woman? Or are you wary because you feel like your guy is using you for your money? Or that maybe you’re not enough as you are and that you’re worried he’s with you for financial security? Or is your intuition, your higher self, pointing to something you need to pay attention to?

Notice what it is exactly that is bothering you about the situation. Let go of any fears that are not reality-based nor actually pertinent to your true happiness. Then let go of other people’s ideas of how you should live your life and notice what is left after you’ve moved out these fears and other energies. If you’re still wary, enjoy yourself and also laugh as you take a closer look at the dynamics of what is actually causing you to worry.

 

TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE: ARTIST KIARRA

Today I am featuring artist Kiarra of Hollywood, California. Her work melds the ubiquitous with the unexpected, pushing the viewer into a fresh perspective and understanding of the real versus the imagined.

Check out her work at: http://www.rawartists.org/afrocentrickeyyart.

HOW DO I HANDLE BEING ALL PHONED OUT WHEN I’M A TELEMARKETER?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a telemarketer and I have gotten so I just can’t stand to be on the phone, even with my family and friends. What should I do?

–All talked out (United States)

DEAR ALL TALKED OUT:

I think it’s time to look for another job, my friend. Perhaps you would be happier even doing a job more suited to an introvert, at least for a while. Or a job where you’re not constantly on the phone or trying to sell things. Maybe you could ask your friends to humor you for a while and text you instead or calling for now as well, just to give you a vacation from being on the phone much.

Also release any resistance to talking on the phone and also anybody’s resistance to talking to you on the phone that you’re still carrying energetically.

Good luck, my friend.

 

CAN I ASK MY BUDDY NOT TO BRING HIS GIRLFRIEND WHEN HE COMES TO HANG OUT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

One of my buddies has a girlfriend who is a total witch. All of us guys used to hang out all the time and sometimes all our girls would come but we don’t really do that much anymore before of this one awful hag. Nobody can stand to be around her and so we just don’t get together as much. Can I ask him not to bring her anymore?

–Fed up (United States)

DEAR FED UP:

You can ask him but you will risk alienating him as a friend. Is there something in particular his girlfriend is doing that you find so objectionable? Is there a way you can bring it up with her directly in a gentle, nonconfrontational, respectful  way? Or could you speak to your friend about this issue in a gentle, nonconfrontational, respectful way (to him and to her) and see if he can mention it to her? This could bring up some tension between you and your buddy but if you guys are truly friends, being honest yet compassionate and respectful (to him as well as to her) is always the best, I believe. In other words, “Your girlfriend is a witch and we all hate her” will probably not go over well at all.

You might also want to notice what it is exactly about his girlfriend that rubs you the wrong way and give her a spirit thank you for bringing up whatever energy this is for you to look at and learn from.

DO YOU THINK IT’S NECESSARY TO GET RID OF STUFF FROM MY EXES WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND MOVES IN?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My girlfriend is moving in with me and she wants me to get rid of anything that any of my exes have ever given me, including my ex-wife. I don’t want to do this, nor do I think it’s necessary. I also think doing so would be a big waste of money. What do you think?

–Spendthrift and Proud of It (United States)

DEAR SPENDTHRIFT:

Well, it’s up to you to decide which is worth more—saving some money on not replacing things or setting up your new life with your girlfriend on a positive note. There should probably be some compromise on both your parts.

Maybe there are a few momentos from previous relationships that you treasure, in which case you should not have to give them all up. But you also don’t want to leave a huge portrait of you and your ex hanging above the dining-room table. I’m kidding but you get my drift. Perhaps you could tuck some sentimental things away in a place where only you can access them like in your man cave if you have one if they’re really important to you. Even better, perhaps you could store a small box at a friend’s or in storage so the house is energetically just for you and your girlfriend.

One thing you might want to consider as you decide what to keep and what to donate/sell/give away, though, is how satisfying it can be to get rid of the old to make space for the new. It really helps to clear the space energetically when you get rid of unnecessary memorabilia of the past.

Since it sounds like you’re combining households, your girlfriend likely has things to replace some of what you’d be getting rid of, so think of yourself as gaining a bunch of stuff for free to make up for or even surpass the value of the things you’d be getting rid of.

Some things I’d consider getting rid of for sure. For example, if your girlfriend wants you to get rid of your bed because she doesn’t want to start your new life together sleeping on a bed you’ve slept with other women on, get rid of the bed. It’s worth the money you’d spend on a new mattress and bed.

 

IS MY WIFE ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR AFFECTING MY DAUGHTER?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My wife and I have a young daughter. My wife is kind of anti-social and always has a reason for not liking or hanging out with everyone: She’s too talkative or he chews too loud or she’s too slutty or whatever other bogus excuse to exclude people. Now that my daughter’s getting ready to go to school, I worry about this affecting her. Will she not be able to play with people because something’s not good enough about the other kids or the other kids’ moms? How should I handle this?

–Worried Dad (Australia)

DEAR WORRIED DAD:

Good awareness of noticing these dynamics. Your wife is modeling behavior to your daughter of judging people and pushing them away. Perhaps you can model a different kind of behavior: a more social, positive kind of behavior of both appreciation the qualities of different people and also giving each person space to be exactly who they are. Perhaps you could also organize some small play dates with other parents and maybe even have a party at some point (maybe for your daughter’s birthday), inviting all of the kids from her class along with their parents for a potluck.

 

TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE: DAVIDE LUCIANO, PHOTOGRAPHER

I came across Davide Luciano’s thought-provoking photo series. I particularly love both “Sheep Nation” sets and the pothole series. “Meals Interrupted” will really make you think as well. Check it out if you want: https://www.flickr.com/photos/davideluciano/sets/.

 

HOW DO I DEAL WITH A FRIEND OF DIFFERENT SPIRITUAL BELIEFS THAT GETS PREACHY WITH ME?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a good friend who has been friends with me since kindergarten. She’s a hard-core Christian-right person and sometimes she gets really preachy with me AND my family, including my kids. I am fine with whatever she believes but she is definitely not fine with me, as I am a looser spiritual person with no particular institutional or religious affiliations. How do I handle this behavior? When I try to address it, it’s gotten really tense and I feel like it makes things even worse.

–Spiritual but anxious (United States)

DEAR SPIRITUAL BUT ANXIOUS:

Give her space to have her beliefs and remain neutral when she begins to proselytize. If you don’t resist her or her preaching at you energetically, there is no energy to push back against, and she will back off or lose interest in trying to convert you. You might also want to have a conversation with your kids about people having different beliefs and that it’s okay for them and everyone else to have whatever beliefs are appropriate for them.

Enjoy the process.

HOW DO I LEARN TO BE A HEALER?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I want to learn how to heal and have even read lots of books on the subject. How do I do this?

–Eager (United States)

DEAR EAGER:

Well, first know that you already can heal. It’s important, however, when you’re starting out to learn how to do it safely. I teach healing workshops and also there are many people around the world that teach energy healing. I would suggest starting out your journey in consciously developing your healing abilities in a way where someone who understands and is aware of energy can watch you to make sure you’re doing it safely in a way that is both safe for you as well as the person you’re healing.

One thing that is important to be aware of at first is to do your healing work without absorbing the pain and other energies you’re cleansing for the person you’re working on. That is why it’s always beneficial to start out with someone who can hold space for you and teach you how to keep your space clean and who can see the energies to ensure you’re doing it in a matter that benefits all.

Enjoy the journey, healer.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO BREAK UP WITH A GIRLFRIEND

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What is the best way to break up with a girlfriend? I love her still but know I’m just not the right guy for her.

–Wondering (Canada)

DEAR WONDERING:

Well, it kind of depends on factors like how long you’ve been dating and your girlfriend’s personality, but I would suggest a basic conversation in person in a neutral environment telling her you love her but you feel you two are just not compatible. I would keep it really basic unless she asks for specifics. You don’t mention a specific reason you feel you’re not the right guy for her, but maybe you could say, if she asks, “I just feel I’m not the right guy for you” or maybe “I just feel we’re not the right combination for each other even though I love you.”

Kudos for putting thought into how to do this in a compassionate and loving way.

 

HELP. MY HUSBAND WATCHES TV CONSTANTLY

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My husband watches TV constantly. He watches sports, reality TV, garbage TV, whatever. It doesn’t even seem to matter. It’s on from the second he gets back from work to the moment he goes to sleep. It drives me crazy. He says it’s his way of relaxing and there’s nothing wrong with it and that I should chill out. What do you think?

–Frustrated wife (United States)

DEAR FRUSTRATED:

Well, there is one thing wrong with it and that his constant TV-watching is upsetting you. Another question is whether his constant TV viewing is interfering with other things—getting chores done, quality time with you (and with kids if you have them), with work, and with your sex life.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with watching TV, if television becomes a crutch or a way of avoiding life and other people, or a way of being basically unconscious to his life, that is indeed an issue and perhaps even an addiction.

I suggest having a neutral conversation and ask him what he is getting out of watching tv constantly and what he is missing by watching TV constantly. Depending on what he says, maybe you both can create a more positive plan of action from there. Perhaps you could suggest some fun things to do together on an outing if you haven’t already. Perhaps he might want to look into counseling as well to help him go deeper into the causes of this behavior.

 

IS THERE ANY ENERGETIC CAUSE RELATED TO CONSTIPATION?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is there any energetic cause related to constipation?

–Backed up (Toiletland)

DEAR BACKED UP:

Sometimes constipation can be related to difficulty in releasing emotions, including anger. Also it can be related to difficulty in letting go of control.

Hoping everything comes out okay. Ha ha.

 

AM I ACCRUING BAD KARMA AT MY JOB?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I work a corporate job in New York as an executive assistant. My boss lies all the time and also asks me to lie to people as well—to her husband, her kids, and the clients. Little lies and big lies. Where she is, and more. The pay is really good but I feel like maybe I am accruing bad karma by being here and I am not comfortable. What should I do?

–Paying the bills but at what cost? (United States)

DEAR PAYING:

I suspect you already know the answer to this question. If you are not comfortable working for this woman and having to lie as part of your job, it is time to look for another job.

More than the issue of “bad karma,” this situation is probably showing you where your life is not resonating with your spirit or your values, so this is perhaps a karmic gift or teaching to help you learn to craft a life that does resonate with your values and your spirit.

Validate your ability to make a living through your skills and integrity and you can give notice once you find your new position. I applaud your courage and that you listen to your heart and your conscience.

TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE: POOR MOON

I love this band my friend introduced me to. They’re called Poor Moon. I especially love their album Illusion. Check it out if you want: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTaYdTkT1OI.

Previous Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: