My boyfriend of seven years just broke up with me. He says he loves me but not that way. Should I try to change his mind? Is it possible to and if so, how do I make him come back to me? I really thought we’d get married someday. I still love him and he is my best friend too.

—Hurting (United States)


As painful as this time must be for you, do not try to change his mind. You love him and so let him go to pursue the kind of relationship he wants. As he loves you too, perhaps walking away at this point is the kindest thing he could have possibly done for you—rather than to let things drag on knowing he does not love you in the way you deserve and that he is making space for you to meet someone who wants to marry you since that seems to be something you want. He can still be your good friend but perhaps it would be best for both of you to take time apart to establish new routines for yourselves and to make space for new relationships down the road.

Use this time to practice being your own best friends and loving yourself and rediscovering who you are now outside of the context of this relationship. You may be quite delighted at what you find and it will serve you well in building a future that fits the person that you are now.

Much love.

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