WHY DO I ALWAYS WANT THE GIRL WHO IS OUT OF REACH?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Since I was 6 years old I seem to get fixated on the girl that’s “always out of reach.” I seem to be invisible to them and they always choose the other guy over me. I see a pattern since then and now throughout my adult life.

Do you think there’s a lesson to learn from this?

And how do you deal with obsession? How do you get past it? And should I try to get some counselling for it or can I resolve this one myself?

—Obsessed (Paraguay)

 

DEAR O.:

Perhaps you could start by looking at why you choose the girl that’s “out of reach” rather than a girl that’s within reach. Do you believe you’re unlovable and don’t deserve love? Does it feel safer to pine after someone out of reach than to open yourself up to the love that’s waiting for you? Does choosing someone out of reach keep a relationship safely in the realm of fantasy versus a human, real relationship with all the potential mess and delight that entails, with both of you showing up in your divine imperfection? Or do you love the “chase” more than the reality of a relationship?

Looking at these questions and developing your awareness of these matters will help you work through obsession in conjunction with counseling. Perhaps one of the lessons you’re working through is how to put your energy towards what you’re building versus what you’d like to build that is not based in reality. Perhaps you’re also learning to focus within on you versus on someone else and learning that true happiness and love comes from within.

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