How do I rid the pain in my chest over a lost love?

—Melie (United States)


Thank you for asking this question. We all experience heartache at one time or another, so your question will help many.

One thing that is happening when we feel that heartache is we’re actually experiencing a heart opening. Often, when we feel that ache in our chest, we fight it and we want that pain to go away, sometimes burying it deeper inside of ourselves where it becomes even more stuck instead of simply releasing.

Sometimes, too, we can distract ourselves from the pain, fooling ourselves into thinking we’re making the pain go away,  instead putting a temporary Band-Aid® on it. We can distract ourselves from heartache by busying ourselves with meaningless tasks, watching TV, or even directing our romantic feelings towards someone else. Although those things may make us feel better for a little while, it doesn’t help us in the long run because it’s just burying the pain deeper even if it numbs the pain for a little while.

I encourage you to really let your heart fully feel that pain for a while. If it’s hard to let yourself go there, maybe you can start by watching some sad movies and letting it all come out. Sometimes it’s easier for us to let ourselves be moved by someone else’s pain than our own. In the end, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you allow yourself to open up the floodgates and to release whatever needs to go.

When you’re strong, sometimes it’s hard to let yourself feel sad or to cry because we’ve been trained to associate crying with weakness. In reality, though, only the truly strong and courageous can let themselves be soft and vulnerable, allowing us truly access the depths of our power as a whole individual.

One more thing you can do as you’re opening up your heart space is to create even more space for your beautiful heart that feels things so intensely. Keep opening up your heart space and filling it with love for yourself, joy, peace, connection to the Divine, and whatever else you’d like.

Enjoy this process, braveheart. The extent to which you feel that pain is the extent to which you can feel joy and love, and to receive love as well. Cherish that brave and beautiful heart of yours, Melie, and let it release the old grief to make room for joy.

(Note: Readers, I’m talking about emotional pain here. If you ever experience chest pain that you even suspect is medically related, call 911 immediately!

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