WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY WHEN LOOKING FOR A MATE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What do you think is the most important quality to look for when you’re looking for a special someone?

–Wondering (United States)

DEAR WONDERING:

I have a brilliant friend named Devin. I once asked him what kind of person he was looking for, in case I knew anyone who might be a good match for him. He told me something that stuck with me a decade and a half later. He said he was looking for someone with a core level of happiness. That didn’t mean that they never get sad or overwhelmed but that they are generally a happy person.

It makes sense to me because if you choose someone with a core level of happiness, they will not have unrealistic expectations of you making them happy or the relationship making them happy or that you will somehow complete them. If you pick someone with a core level of happiness, they can be happy, you can be happy, and you can maybe be even more happy together.

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