HOW DO I SHARE THE NEWS OF MY PREGNANCY WITH MY FRIEND WHO IS TRYING TO CONCEIVE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My husband and I recently found out I’m pregnant. I am ecstatic but I am dreading sharing the news with my best friend, who has been trying for several years to get pregnant and even underwent in vitro recently. How do I handle this without hurting her?

–Happy but feeling cautious (United States)

DEAR HAPPY BUT CAUTIOUS:

I would just be straightforward. Perhaps you could say something like, “I just wanted to let you know I’m expecting. I hope you’ll be able to celebrate with me just as I will celebrate with you when you are expecting.” Or maybe something like, “I’m pregnant and I hope you’ll be like an auntie to the baby.”

Don’t let your worry about this news hurting your friend tamp down your own joy. That will do neither of you any good. Just feel your joy and hold space for your friend’s joy as well. Your news might indeed bring up some pain for your friend, but I suspect it will also bring up some joy for you as well, even if it takes a little while to surface.

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