Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do you know when it’s really over? I was married to my husband for 37 years and he has asked for a divorce. I don’t feel like it’s really over but how can I know for sure? Maybe I am in denial.

—In Disbelief (Canada)

DEAR I.D.:

Congratulations for looking at this matter to get to the truth of the situation. Did you and your husband go to couples’ counseling at all? If not, is he open to trying to work on the marriage before going through with a divorce? If he wants the marriage to work and is willing to try, there may still be hope. If he is not willing to try or to go to counseling, he has likely already checked out of the marriage and perhaps it is best to take the lessons of your history together, learn from them to create a better life for yourself, and assume it is over. If he doesn’t really care about the marriage anymore, it is time to move on.

If it is over, take time to think about how you want your life to be moving forward. Your future is full of possibilities. Practice loving yourself and discovering who you are outside of the context of the old relationship.

I wish you much love on your journey, my friend. No matter what, you have the gift of a fresh start. Make the most of it.