Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is a bad temper inherited?

—Hair Triggered and Don’t Like It (United States)

DEAR H.T.A.D.L.I.:

While someone aspects of one’s temperament may be inherited, other factors may play a much bigger factor in the expression of one’s anger. For example, if you grew up seeing one or both parents losing it on a regular basis, you may have some learned behavior about how to cope with and release strong emotions. An added factor may be that you never learned healthy mechanisms for dealing with your own anger in general situations if you were afraid to express certain feelings around your parents as it would have triggered more negative attention from them. In such cases, you may tend to bottle up your feelings and have them explode on you and the people are you at the slightest provocation.

In any case, I urge you to see a counselor regularly or a while to learn anger-management techniques and to learn how to process your emotions. It’s hard work but will be well worth in the end for both you and the people around you.

Congratulations on your courage to look at this.