CLARITY AROUND A FRIENDSHIP ENDING

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Today I just broke up a friendship. I moved to a small town in the Midwest and have been very careful when it came to friendships (as small towns always involve gossip) and I became close friends with someone that I knew did not have many friends in town, which I never understood because she is a nice person. After a while, it became hard for me to be friends with her, especially after I became close friends with other people who were not huge fans of her. It was hard for me to be neutral and in the middle of this “war” and I just wanted to avoid these things.

Tonight I mentioned to her how I felt pressure being friends with her as it was hard to stay in the middle of what was going on and being friends with both sides. The friendship ended and it was sad to have to “choose” a side. In one way, that was a relief, but what was hard was what she said about me as we were breaking up the friendship. I got upset about the comments she made about me, what she thought about me.

I would like to ask if that decision was right and also some comments about why I felt this way. Was it because of her judgment? Of her projecting things on me?

–A.T. (United States)

DEAR A.T.:

Perhaps this is an opportunity to practice feeling and knowing what is best for you and holding your space in complicated social groups. Human relationships are very complex when there are just two people, and even more so when you factor in a group of people.

If you were still enjoying hanging out with this former friend (other than feeling conflicted about other people not liking her), you might want to look at the peer pressure (energetic or otherwise, or even the pressure you put on yourself) to disengage from this person.

If you still enjoyed hanging out with her other than because of the outside energies, it could have been a good opportunity to practice holding your space and still loving her and hanging out with her and allowing others to have their own opinions while not having to take responsibility or to choose a side or heal this situation but, rather, simply enjoying being her friend and continuing to do so.

You might want to meditate on why what she said to you stings and lingers. Is there some truth to her comment? Or are you simply resisting her judgments of you? Or a little of both? Look at it and release what needs to go and this will help you have beautiful solid relationships with yourself and with others that are true soul friends.

Also, you might want to check out http://www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale and do the Hawaiian healing technique of ho’oponopono (see also  http://www.hooponopono.org for information on Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona’s technique. Perhaps she is reflecting to you where you have abandoned parts of yourself to make others more comfortable with you. Doing this exercise will heal where you have rejected parts of yourself and abandoned parts of yourself and bring them into wholeness and love.

Thanks for having the courage to really look at this to discover your spirit’s truth about the situation. Wishing you much love and the joy of discovering more of yourself.

Note: Readers, I invite you to send in your own questions. You may email them to askdalimama@gmail.com or write them in the comments section.

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