I recently found out that my twin flame hasn’t incarnated with me on Earth this lifetime and initially this was a bit of a shock. So I want to know how I can find as close a fit to him as possible in the form of someone else—or is that just not a healthy thing to do…?

Also, what if you meet a soulmate that has a couple of annoying aspects in their personality? Do you just put up and shut up (hoping they’ll change and heal with time) or do you move on to someone else? What should be the deciding factor?

–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia)


I’ll try to answer your questions one by one. It’s wonderful you’re thinking about these things.

As far as looking for someone who is the closest match to your twin flame, I would suggest not doing so. Instead, you might want to think both generally and specifically about what qualities are important to you in a mate and in your ideal relationship and look for someone with those qualities whose ideal relationship matches yours as much as possible.

If you are looking for someone with the intention of him being the closet thing possible to your twin flame, it’s very invalidating for your potential suitors, and you would also be holding them to an impossible ideal to measure up to because how could he possibly measure up in any way to your twin flame who, because he isn’t incarnate at the time, doesn’t have to deal with bills or jobs or worry or stress or insecurity or the other dense energies of the planet? After all, an incarnate human, no matter how exceptional their spirit is, can never match up to some abstract ideal of a spirit who doesn’t have the challenges of being on the earthly plane.

And of course, I’m guessing likewise you wouldn’t feel very good about the situation if your partner compared you to some impossible ideal, whether it’s his twin flame who is not incarnate in this lifetime or an ex or a wife who passed away at an early age or some celebrity or to anybody else for that matter. That would do neither of you any good at all.

As far as meeting a soulmate with a couple of annoying aspects in their personality, I’d be amazed and thankful if they just had a couple. Ha ha. Every single one of us humans are replete with annoying aspects and the funny thing (even though it doesn’t always seem funny) is the most annoying aspects are those that match our own challenges in one way or another. Also, the thing about soulmates is that we have soul agreements with each other to bring to light some of the oldest and gnarliest pain or lies or whatever else has been tamped down inside of you that is not really you, and that process is not always fun. Not in the least. Of course, there’s always free will so you can run away from these lessons and always try again at a later date or lifetime, but I always like to go for the growth now.

Finally, I suggest that you never date or marry someone, soulmate or not, hoping they will change. If you can’t live with them exactly as they are, don’t marry them. Don’t even date them once you discover any dealbreakers (and each person must decide for themselves what those dealbreakers are). Hopefully your dealbreakers are misalignments to your core values, not things like that he wears socks with Birkenstocks or anything less pertinent to true compatibility.

Another even funnier thing is that you may run away from someone because of their annoying facets, but you’ll soon discover that no matter how many times you move on, you’ll move onto someone new and discover their own unique set of annoying facets. You’ll also probably find they have annoying facets that are very similar to the ones you ran away from because you left the last relationship without addressing what you needed to learn from that relationship and without releasing your own matches to those energies you found extremely annoying.

Only you can decide what is most important to you and what the deciding factors or dealbreakers are. However, keep in mind that we all are imperfectly perfect as humans and that’s part of the package for us all. Knowing this, if you want, practice validating and seeing the divine in every single person you come across and that will open up the space for love with the person who is right for you in the moment

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