Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My boyfriend is married. He says he no longer sleeps with his wife and that they have an understanding. I am really not feeling good about this, though. Is it ever okay to sleep with someone that’s married even in these circumstances?

–Doormat (United States)

DEAR DM (I so don’t want to call you “Doormat”:

I think the main issue here is that you don’t feel good about the situation and that you feel like a doormat for sleeping with someone even though he says he’s no longer sexually involved with his wife. Because of this, I would end it unless/until he is actually divorced.

Also, sometimes unfortunately some people say they have an understanding with their partner and are no longer sleeping with them but that is not always the truth. The energy is much cleaner and clearer if they’re either legally divorced or if his wife comes up to you and says, “Yeah, we’re married but no longer sleep together and you have my blessing.” Which is not terribly likely.

Even if you’re alone for a while, being alone and proud of your choices will be worth it and will create space for you to meet someone who is truly available.