Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am married to this chick that I feel misrepresented herself when we were dating. She said she liked football and we had lots of action too in the bedroom. As soon as the wedding was over, all of that stopped. She complains about me watching football and doesn’t want to watch it with me or my buddies. I won’t even get into the lack of action around here. I feel like I got married under false pretenses and now I’m either in hell or have to get a divorce and end up shelling out for alimony or whatever for years.

–Stuck (United States)

DEAR STUCK:

I can imagine the frustration you’re feeling. I think the first step would be to talk with her and find out what is going on. Did she ever really like football (or sex, for that matter), or was she behaving a certain way in order to try to get you to commit to her? I suggest you both go to couples counseling as well.

Sometimes people’s behaviors change once they get married because they fall into a trap of living out their parents’ dynamics or patterns without even being aware that this is what they’re doing.

It’ll be up to you both to get to the root of what is really going on here.

If she was pretending about those things the whole time you were dating, then you’ll have to see if there’s enough there in common between you two to continue down this path. You might be able to find new ways you can bond and connect, including improving the amount of “action,” or maybe, if the whole marriage was based on lies, cut your losses and make space for a relationship that suits you better.

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