Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My ex-boyfriend has been stalking me for years. I tried to be nice and I have been very clear. Now I am dating someone new. How do I handle all of this? I am afraid my stalker will scare my new boyfriend away. My ex isn’t dangerous but I feel I should warn my boyfriend all the same.

–Stalked (United States)

DEAR STALKED:

Keep logs of all contact and stalking attempts and emails and texts–all of it, complete with dates and documentation. Also make sure (if you haven’t already) to unfriend him on Facebook or block his number and emails. Also file a police report immediately and get a restraining order. Don’t assume your ex isn’t dangerous. If he has been stalking you for years, he obviously does not have healthy/sane boundaries and you never know how the new boyfriend factor might inflame him. It is important to let your current boyfriend know about the situation and give him a photo of your ex so he knows what he looks like and whom to watch out for. If he gets scared off, he’s not the one anyway. If he’s the right person for you, he’ll stick around.

Don’t worry about being nice. The time for niceness is over. You may have compassion for him, but don’t worry about hurting his feelings or being hated by him. You need to make your safety (and your boyfriend’s) a priority.