Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

It seems that all my friendships are fading away or already have. It seems that they all move on to other things, or to other friends.

I am a very loyal friend, and even when I am trying to reach out, they are all too busy! I am busy also with work and kids but I always have time for friends, and I feel very lonely and empty if I don’t have a people connection. Please advise.

–Lonely

DEAR L.:

You’re not alone in this feeling. As one moves through life, sometimes waves of friendships or relationships pass through due to life changes (friends may move away or get busy with their kids or work or other things or may simply drift away). Sometimes, too, friends may be feeling depressed and unable to deal with anything other than the bare necessities and can’t cope with anything else.

Friendships require maintenance and fortunately it sounds like you’re a loyal friend who knows what it takes to maintain and build friendships.

Sometimes, too, as you shift and grow, friends may fall away for a while or longer. Keep doing what you need to do for yourself to feel good. Exercise, eat right, and maybe join some classes or some clubs around your interests (painting or hiking or whatever makes you happy). Some of your old friends may catch up with you eventually and some may not. In any case, validate the fun you had together and create energetic space for wonderful friendships (new as well as old) that align with your true self.

See yourself as “the party” and do things for yourself and have a great time on your own. Go to your favorite café and have a cup of your favorite coffee while reading a great book or journaling and validate what a great time you’re having all on your own. Doing so will attract others into your life who want to join the party.

This can be a process and may take time, but use this as an opportunity to really learn to enjoy and love yourself and your own company! Have fun, my friend.