HOW DO I COMPETE WITH MY BOYFRIEND’S DEAD WIFE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been dating a widower for three months. His wife died of cancer and he took care of her for years when she was very sick and dying. How do I compete with her memory?

—COMPETING WITH A GHOST (U.K.)

 

DEAR COMPETING:

It sounds like your boyfriend has a big heart because he lovingly cared for his wife when he was sick. Don’t you think a man like that has love enough for both of you? I don’t think it’s necessary for you to compete at all. Of course he will always love his wife but does that mean he can’t love you or that you are less than someone else?

It’s important, though, for you to recognize that you are worthy of his love and for you to use your energy loving him and allowing yourself to be loved rather than competing with the memory of someone who probably would be happy her husband found someone kind after her passing.

Enjoy this time with this man and have fun.

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