How do I build trust in a relationship again after it’s been broken?

—Samba (Mali)


Whether you have lost someone’s trust or whether someone has lost yours, it will take time and consistency to rebuild the trust.

If you are the one who broke someone’s trust, it is important for you to look at your part in breaking the trust and the reasons behind it. If you do not do this, you are likely to repeat similar mistakes. Next, apologize to the person and explain that you realized why you did that (and share the reason if it feels appropriate) and tell them you are working to regain their trust. Finally—and this will be a process—you will have to work consistently to prove to them you are trustworthy—you are going to have to show up and be impeccable in doing what you say you’re going to do. And then you’re going to have to do it again and again and again.

This is a wonderful journey, however, not just for them but also for you because, in regaining their trust, you are practicing becoming a more trustworthy individual, not just for them, but for yourself, and this will only make your life better in the long run.

If someone broke your trust, look at your energetic matches with them in yourself. Are there ways that you break promises to yourself? Or let yourself down in your goals towards your betterment as an individual? Are there similar ways you let others down? Next, sit down with that person and talk about how you felt and what needs to happen for you to regain trust in that person. Their reaction to this conversation will be a good clue as to whether they will work to regain your trust or not. If you feel that they are sorry and are truly going to try to make amends and gain your trust back, you can think about moving forward with them.

Keep in mind, however, that some people may give lip service but not follow through on their actions in becoming more trustworthy. Over time, you will have to decide whether you truly want this person in your life. If someone is not loyal to themselves or strong in themselves, they can not truly be loyal or trustworthy to you, much less anyone else, and this is no reflection on your worth as a person.

Thank you for bringing up this important topic, Samba.

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