I sometimes fantasize about other men. I have been married to my husband for more than twenty years and he is a good man but I just feel so bored that I am almost depressed. I have been faithful but I don’t know if I want to or am capable of continuing to be faithful. I am longing for something more than this. Is this all life is? Is this all love is? Even with a good man?

—Wifey (Canada)


I applaud the fact that you have been able to stay faithful to your husband for decades. The most important thing to remember is the importance of creating passion for ourselves. That means for your individual life, not just for the marriage, although of course marriages need passion as well. What do you love to do? Do you like to paint, do crafts, write, or travel? Start getting excited about your life in ways that don’t involve some other man. Once your reignite the passion in your own life, it is much easier to build and maintain the passion for your husband.

For the two of you, try switching things up—travel, take a class together on something you’ve always wanted to learn about, eat a new kind of food at a local restaurant, try some new sex positions or tantra, or go camping or take a little trip to somewhere the two of you have never been before. Yeah, it can get old when you’re with the same person for decades but it certainly doesn’t have to and it doesn’t have to stay old. Validate the beauty and the magic and miracle of creating a love and a life with the same person and experiment and see just how deeply in love the two of you can go. No matter how familiar he is to you, or how old hat he may seem, I guarantee there are things about him you will be delighted to discover and explore because no, this is not all that life and love have to offer you.

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