Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a man in my fifties. I was married for 10 years and then divorced and since then, have dated many women. Things go well for a while and inevitably, even though they are each and all great, things go south and not in a good way! Why does this happen? I am beginning to think a happy long-term monogamous relationship (much less a good marriage) is a myth like a unicorn or a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

—Baching It for Too Long (United States)

DEAR B.I.F.T.L.:

There are many reasons relationships go south (and not in a good way haha). Is there a theme in what you hear from the women you have been with? If they have all (or mostly) mentioned certain things (for example, feeling like you’re not present or whatever else they mention if they mention anything), pay attention to that and look within to see what you can do to change these patterns if you would like to address issues that seem to consistently get in the way of you having a good relationship.

It’s also very difficult (but certainly not impossible) for relationships to succeed in general because different issues and energies come up in relationships. If you can imagine, each of us have our own issues that we are working through, whether it’s self-worth or addiction or whatever else. When you put two people together, no matter how great each person is, these issues are compounded and will come up more and more, particularly as you get to know each other beyond the fantasies and projections of what you each believe each other to be initially. However, it is worth doing the inner work and also working with each other to see just how deep your love can grow when you grow to know each other as divine spirits living within perfectly flawed human personalities if it is important to you to have a loving relationship.