WHAT ARE THE ENERGETIC DYNAMICS OF POLYAMORY?

22 Jul 2014 1 Comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Sex Tags: , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Sorry. One more question. You just responded to my question about polyamory. A lot of times, when you answer questions, you talk about the energetics of the issue but you didn’t talk about the energetics of polyamory. Can you address the energetics of polyamory beyond whether both partners in a couple wish to adopt it or not?

–Still Reluctant (United States)

DEAR STILL RELUCTANT:

Sometimes one or both of the partners want to bring other people into their relationship as a way of avoiding intimacy with their primary partner, as well as intimacy with themselves on an emotional and spiritual level. If a person has not done their own inner work within themselves or their relationship work with the partner (of course these things are lifelong lessons, but it helps to do concentrated work on oneself), trying to bring external people into their relationship can be a way of avoiding doing their own inner work or on the trust and communication and other work that needs to be done within the primary relationship with their partner.

However, if both partners are doing their inner work and their work with each other and are open and honest with each other and set boundaries about what is and is not acceptable, polyamory can benefit them and their relationship if that is truly what both of them want. If they have not and are not doing their inner work and their karmic work with each other, however, sometimes bringing others into their relationship will exponentially increase and exacerbate any dynamics that are already not working within themselves or within each other.

Hope this clarifies the energetic dynamics as requested.

If any readers who have tried polyamory wish to add any input, please feel free to comment with your own experiences and lessons and insights on the energetic dynamics of polyamorous relationships.

CAN A RELATIONSHIP BE SALVAGED AFTER MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN SEEING A DOMINATRIX, PAYING FOR IT WITH OUR CREDIT CARD?

20 May 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I recently found out my boyfriend of several years has been into S&M and has been frequenting a dominatrix. We have been living together for two years and I found out because of strange and repeated large charges of $250-$500 at a time on our credit card. I don’t know how I could have not known this was going on and feel that this is the breaking point of our relationship. Can it be salvaged or is there even any point? I feel like I don’t even know who he is. That I never ever actually knew him.

–Confused & Hurt (United States)

DEAR CONFUSED & HURT:

I completely understand how your confusion and pain. This is a case of financial betrayal as well as emotional and sexual betrayal, although S & M is a lot more about control and punishment and domination and submission than it is about intimacy and sex.

I suggest you start by both seeing a relationship counselor as well as individual counseling and that you get a little more neutral to the situation first, and then decide on what is the best course of action for you. Either way, it will help you process what happened whether you decide to stay or to go.

You might also want to talk to your individual therapist or counselor about the possibility of separating out your finances, at least for now, so you are not liable for such charges if they put your finances in a precarious position.

CAN I STAY FRIENDS WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND EX WHO ARE NOW DATING EACH OTHER?

26 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

This is kind of a stupid question. Nobody wants to sleep with me. Women find me really creepy. But I don’t see where I’m any different than my buddies who say the same kinds of things or dress the same way or drive the same kinds of cars or have the same sorts of jobs or whatever the hell else.  But women go off with them and one even told my friend that I am creepy. What do YOU think is going on?

–What the $@C!? (United States)

DEAR WHAT THE:

Congratulations on taking a look at this. Many people would not have the courage to look at this and would simply dismiss it and not deal with it.

“Creepiness” doesn’t really have anything to do with clothes or car or jobs per se although certain things can contribute to a creepy vibe.

Maybe one of the things that is going on is that women are noticing things on an energetic level, which may not even have to do with your own authentic energy.

When I have met people who had a creepy vibe, usually what was happening was one or more of the following:

1)    They were unaware of what their energy was doing and they were cording other people energetically (hooking into their energy and sometimes sucking it sort like an energy vampire) and/or their energy was invasive and not respecting of the other person’s boundaries. In this case, it’s helpful to meditate regularly and keep intending to call all your energy back to you in divine form and intend to release any cords. Also release any anger, any resistance, and any “creepy energy” and any other energy that is not yours and intend to fill in your body and aura layers with your true divine energy.

2)    They had other people’s creepy energy absorbed into and running through their bodies, making them seem creepy. For example, if you’ve been on a fishing boat, cleaning fish or just riding on the boat, you’d probably come home with your body and your hair and your clothes smelling like fish even if you aren’t a fish. Which would require you to take a shower and wash your clothes before you no longer smelled fishy. Fortunately, you can do the same thing with your energy, cleaning off energy that’s not yours, by meditating or getting a healing.

3)    Sometimes people carry around pictures that get stuck on them that they resist and they attract even more pictures in a similar vibration. For example, maybe one day, someone a long time ago told you that you were creepy or you heard them say their were creepy and you resisted that because of course who wants to be thought of as creepy? But when you resist the picture that gets in your space that you unconsciously wear around on your auras, it attracts even more creepy pictures or maybe people just notice the big old creepy picture on you and mistakenly think that you are creepy. Try not to resist being thought of as creepy and just keep validating the beautiful clean, respectful, light spirit you are inside and it’ll act like Teflon for any creepy pictures that happen to be stuck to you.

Have fun developing and seeing and showing the real you.

MY HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORN

31 Mar 2014 1 Comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My husband of twenty-three years is addicted to porn. He watches it on the Internet, staying up late at night in his office, and hides magazines in the garage and other places. His porn life has largely replaced our actual sex life and on the rare occasion we do have sex, I feel like a live blow-up doll and it makes me sick and I’m pretty much at the point I don’t even want him to touch me anymore. We’ve had many conversations and now fights about this but nothing ever changes. What do you recommend?

–Fed up (United States)

DEAR FED UP:

Porn addiction is an extremely common problem these days in “developed” countries. Whether porn itself is a problem depends on the couple and their agreement with each other, but when it’s affecting your satisfaction with the relationship, particularly in regards to your sex life, it is definitely a problem. And your comment that you feel like a live blow-up doll suggests that he isn’t emotionally or energetically present even when you two are actually having sex.

When someone’s addicted to anything—whether it’s porn, drugs, alcohol, or work, they’re usually running away from something in themselves, so it’s important that your husband get counseling or therapy to get to the root of this issue. Once he’s been in therapy for a little while, I would recommend couples’ counseling as well. Eventually, you might even want to look into taking a tantric class together so you can rebuild your relationship and sex lives on true intimacy, helping both of you be fully present in the new vibration of your relationship.

Great job at looking at this issue in your marriage.

LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS

15 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a hard time staying in relationships long. When I’m with someone, I get bored and I am often tempted to cheat although I haven’t ever done that. But I end up breaking things off quickly, maybe because of this. Part of me really wants to find my fairytale princess and part of me I think gave up a really long time ago.

–Prince Looking for His Princess (United States)

DEAR PRINCE:

Part of being in relationship means loving the person as they are, not just a fairytale idea of who they should be. Even princesses get skinny and shrivelly or gain weight, fart or burp, or get weary doing the laundry, kissing frogs, waving with little white gloves on, or the multitude of invisible thankless tasks expected of princesses.

True love (and intimacy) means holding space for someone with their own unique set of needs and desires in their divine perfection while loving them in their divine imperfection as they figure out the whole being a spirit in a human body thing—no easy task for any of us here on earth.

As far as getting bored and being tempted to cheat, meditate on the energy underneath these impulses. Is it because you have to start facing parts of yourself or parts of the relationship you don’t want to look at and you want to be with someone else as a way to escape looking at these issues? The issues you most want to run from in yourself or in your relationships are likely what will reward you most profoundly in the future if you really stop to delve into these energies and shift them. Do this and you might find you’ve suddenly become a king, not just a prince, and you may just find a queen to co-create a true and profound love and life together if that is what you want.

READERS: THANKS FOR JOINING ME HERE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN, FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OR EMAIL ME AT ASKDALIMAMA@GMAIL.COM.

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