WHAT DO YOU ADVISE FOR SOMEONE WAITING FOR HER BOYFRIEND TO LEAVE HIS UNHAPPY MARRIAGE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am so in love with a married man. He is unhappy in his marriage and does not sleep with her anymore but they have been married for more than 20 years and he has two children. He says he is going to leave her and marry me but it has been a long time and I spend every holiday without him and I am giving up hope that he will ever leave her. What do you advise?

–Torn (United States)

DEAR TORN:

Let me just ask you a few questions (with love) for you to think about as you make your decision about your next steps. You mention he has children but is it more accurate perhaps to say that “they” have two children? Do you notice that his words or promises don’t match his actions? And do you really want to be with someone that is sleeping with someone else (probably without his wife’s knowledge or consent) while he is married to and living with his wife and children? Even if he ever leaves his wife, would you like to be in his wife’s current role with this man and what do you imagine that might look like, based on his current and past behavior?

Maybe you could contemplate these questions and also think about what it means to respect marriage. Others’ marriages as well as perhaps your own marriage someday. Respecting others’ marriages and marriage in general can help you create a solid foundation for you to find the right person to build the kind of marriage you want for yourself.

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