Hi. I just read your post on jealousy (from July 29, 2014) and it makes for interesting reading as I’m into a guy who loves big, curvy butts on women. He keeps talking about his love affair with big J.Lo-type butts…! I have a fairly flat, non-existent butt which I have never had an issue with before but with him I now feel a little insecure—what if my butt’s not sexy enough for him to find me attractive when the clothes come off…

Don’t think it’s a past life dynamic. But it makes me feel not good enough physically. What to do?

—Buttless (Ireland)


Love your butt and, for that matter, your whole body exactly how it is. When you feel sexy, you are sexy.

Sometimes people may make comments like that to bring up insecurity in someone so they may have a better chance with him/her or to gauge if they have a chance with them if they get jealous. Sometimes people make comments like that because they’re just saying whatever pops into their head.

If he is not satisfied with you because you don’t have a bigger butt, he doesn’t deserve to be with your butt and you can make room for someone who appreciates your butt and all of you exactly how you are.




My daughter is eight years old but she already tells me she wants to go on a diet or that she’s fat but really she’s just at fifty-second percentile for her age and height.  Totally average so she really doesn’t need to worry. What should I do?

–Worried Mom (Canada)


Start by having a conversation with her about why she thinks she is fat and needs to go on a diet. Kudos for being alert to these energies to keep an eye on her before these patterns can develop even further into a more serious disease.

Although modern-day kids are deluged by unrealistic expectations and pressures to look a certain way, you can counteract unhealthy influences. To support an optimal healthy body image in your daughter, try the following:

  • Be very aware how you (and anybody else in the household) speak about or judge your own or other people’s bodies, even when you don’t think she’s listening or paying attention.
  • Use loving, positive language about your body; e.g., “I love how strong my arms are” or “I love that my legs help me run these marathons” or “I love that my legs are so strong that I can be on my feet all day at work” or “I love my beautiful curvy hips that helped me give birth to you.”
  • Pay attention to what kind of television shows, movies, or other media she is exposed to. Try to choose shows that portray healthy body expectations and values.
  • Validate her health and her body’s health and emphasize health rather than looks.
  • Consider signing her up for a sport she is interested in so she can gain confidence in what her body can do in sports and the enjoyment of activities rather than just seeing her body as something that is supposed to look a certain way.

Also, notice her behavior and words and her eating patterns. If things continue without improvement or get worse, please seek out a health-care professional in the near future for assistance so this doesn’t become a life-threatening issue. Thank you for paying attention to this important issue at an early stage.

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