I have been on so many dates—women I’ve met online, through friends, at the grocery store, whatever. It always goes only so far—maybe a few dates, maybe two months at the most, but they all disappear suddenly, often without any explanation. How do I figure out what went wrong? I pay for the coffee, the lunch, the dinner, whatever. I act like a gentleman. Is it something wrong with me? How do I find out why nothing ever lasts?

–Throwing in the Towel (United States)


Please don’t throw in the towel just yet, my friend. It sounds like you’re a good guy and, believe me, I’m sure there are many women out there looking for a guy like you.

Sometimes people (especially women, because sometimes they’re trained culturally to avoid confrontation or anything that could be unpleasant) may just get a sense it’s not a good match for them and would rather disappear or fade quietly into the background rather than speak up, which makes it hard for the other person who might be left wondering what went wrong.

Don’t take it personally. Meeting the “right” person takes time and experimentation. Sometimes I think it even just boils down to pheromones. Pheromones and karmic agreements. Because your pheromones don’t match someone’s else’s biological coding, that doesn’t mean there’s necessarily anything wrong with you. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. Likewise, maybe a person mocked up having a relationship where they could learn certain types of lessons and you’re not the best match for each other that way, although of course that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with either of you.

By all means, ask for some feedback from your female friends and see if they have any pointers for you but ultimately do whatever feels right to you. And maybe experiment against type. If you’ve always gone for a certain type of women, try hanging out and going out on a date with another type of women and see if anything clicks.

Keep heart, my friend. Someone’s looking for you.


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