I have been on so many dates—women I’ve met online, through friends, at the grocery store, whatever. It always goes only so far—maybe a few dates, maybe two months at the most, but they all disappear suddenly, often without any explanation. How do I figure out what went wrong? I pay for the coffee, the lunch, the dinner, whatever. I act like a gentleman. Is it something wrong with me? How do I find out why nothing ever lasts?

–Throwing in the Towel (United States)


Please don’t throw in the towel just yet, my friend. It sounds like you’re a good guy and, believe me, I’m sure there are many women out there looking for a guy like you.

Sometimes people (especially women, because sometimes they’re trained culturally to avoid confrontation or anything that could be unpleasant) may just get a sense it’s not a good match for them and would rather disappear or fade quietly into the background rather than speak up, which makes it hard for the other person who might be left wondering what went wrong.

Don’t take it personally. Meeting the “right” person takes time and experimentation. Sometimes I think it even just boils down to pheromones. Pheromones and karmic agreements. Because your pheromones don’t match someone’s else’s biological coding, that doesn’t mean there’s necessarily anything wrong with you. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. Likewise, maybe a person mocked up having a relationship where they could learn certain types of lessons and you’re not the best match for each other that way, although of course that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with either of you.

By all means, ask for some feedback from your female friends and see if they have any pointers for you but ultimately do whatever feels right to you. And maybe experiment against type. If you’ve always gone for a certain type of women, try hanging out and going out on a date with another type of women and see if anything clicks.

Keep heart, my friend. Someone’s looking for you.




I wrote to you earlier but have one more question. What’s the main difference anyway between twin flames and soulmates? And is it such a big deal to find your twin flame–or can you have an equally mind blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate?

–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia) 


Many people do long to meet their twin flame but it isn’t terribly common to incarnate in the same lifetime with each other, nor would it always even be desirable. For example, if you came in this lifetime to develop a healthy sense of ego and individuality balanced with knowing the oneness of humanity, incarnating with your twin flame might impede that lessons you came to learn.

It is possible to create a mind-blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate, with a twin flame, or on your own, for that matter. The more you create that for yourself, the likelier it is that you will attract someone that can share that with you and contribute equally in creating a mind-blowing and fulfilling life together.

Short answer about twin flames vs. soulmates: A twin flame is essentially considered your other half. The other half of your soul, if you will. But then again, in the bigger picture, we’re all part of the same oversoul, aren’t we? We are all one anyways.

A soulmate can be someone special (not limited to the romantic realm—a buddy, a child, a parent, etc.) with whom you have a soul agreement to help each other learn different lessons you’ve been wanting to learn. Sometimes this can feel wonderful and sometimes not. You can imagine. Who else but your soulmate would agree to help you release the worst kind of pain or grief or whatever limiting habits or energies or beliefs? Some people pray and pray to meet their soulmate and when that soulmate breaks their heart so they can release all the old grief or walls or whatever they needed to release, they forget to say thank you for having their prayers answered because they don’t know they got exactly what they asked for.

Both twin flames and soulmates come with different teachings and different gifts. For example, with a twin flame, sometimes if you date or marry a twin flame, you have to consciously feed the passion between you because you are one and the same, which doesn’t always translate to hot sex or instant passion. On the other hand, when one dates a soulmate, often there is volcanic attraction and sex between you, fueled by the fires of karma.

Any which way you choose, it’s all good in the end. Just intend to meet the person that is right for you and follow your heart and listen to your spirit.

Much love. Wishing you well on your journey.

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