I feel I have pretty decent social skills. I am great talking to people one-on-one or in small groups of maybe up to three or four people. But when the crowd gets any bigger than that, particularly at a party, I clam up and might as well be a big, silent clam in the room. How do I change myself so I can function in a group setting?

–Unbearably Shy (Canada)


Perhaps you can practice being your amazing self in bigger and bigger groups. If you feel comfortable with four people, get together in groups of four for a while. Then spend the next month going to at least once function a week with five people. Then the next week, have a party with six people, for example.

The good thing is that it sounds like you already have good social skills so it’s more of a matter of being who you are/staying who you are, no matter how many people are around. You don’t need to change yourself.

Notice any energies that make you withdraw into your shell, then laugh, and poke your head back out. Keep doing this and watch as it becomes easier and easier over time to shine no matter who or how many people are around.




I’m very shy and don’t know what to do. My parents tell me to get over it but I don’t know how. What do you recommend?

–B.R. (United States)


If you feel like your shyness is getting in the way of you making friends, maybe you could start out by volunteering at an animal shelter where you can get a chance to be around people and get to know them while hanging out with beautiful animals and getting to know them as well. Or do something else where you have some specific tasks to do, which makes it easier to start up or join in a conversation. Plus then you’ll be so busy doing stuff, your beautiful spirit can’t help but shine through, words or no words.

Another thing you could do is shift the energy in which you meet or talk to people. Focus more on how the other person is and ask questions to show an interest in what they’re doing. Sometimes we can feel shy because we’re worried about not having anything to say or not being able to say the right thing or worried that people make not like us. Usually, the other person is just as worried about the same thing, so your taking an interest in them will help break the ice and open up a space for communication and developing friendship.

You can also take initiative. When you see someone else that seems shy, take the opportunity to go over and say something to them. You just might make their day. You could also invite someone over (or a small group–start by either inviting one person or three so you end up with an even number of people, which is easier) and have an activity planned, maybe playing Pictionary or watching a movie or playing a Wii game, for example. That will give you something to do and create a fun environment to get to know each other.

Just let your beautiful self shine and keep opening up that space for communicating and relating with others. In the end, you must do what feels right for you and makes you happy.

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