I am a guy who is maybe 20 pounds overweight. My wife is always on me about losing weight although technically she’s maybe 20 pounds overweight as well. What’s the deal? I think she’s hot at any weight but I feel like she’s always picking on me, especially as she’s not a stick either. And I wonder if she thinks I don’t look hot like this and if that’s why she keeps nagging me about my weight.

–Feeling Picked on (United States)


A couple things could be happening. She could be concerned about your health and, in an effort to push you towards your optimal health, is pursuing this goal in a way that feels very invalidating to you.

Another possibility is that maybe she wishes she was closer to her own healthy weight and is in resistance to her own extra weight that she carries. Instead of dealing with her own desire to be thinner or healthier, maybe she is directing her resistance to extra weight in your direction, which is no doubt not terribly fun.

Why don’t you reset the tone of this conversation? Like suggesting to her instead of her pointing out your extra weight, it would behoove you both to focus more on the positive and create a plan for the end goal. For example, maybe you could enjoy more fun social activities together like hiking, camping, dancing, bicycling, or joining a community softball group or something. Also you could check out some cooking classes or recipes that focus on healthy eating and make delicious concoctions together that will offer you healthy fats while helping you drop unhealthy fats and cholesterol, etc. Then you can both have fun living a healthy lifestyle together while simply enjoying yourselves.

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