HOW DO I MAKE FRIENDS IN A NEW PLACE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I moved with my husband to a different country three years ago but I still don’t really have any friends here. I am shy and it is hard for me to meet people. Sometimes people have parties but they don’t invite me. How do I make friends?

—Lonely in a New Country (Hong Kong)

DEAR L.I.A.N.C.:

You may be lonely right now but I guarantee that you are not alone in feeling lonely and feeling like it is hard to meet people.

Perhaps you could look on Meetup.com to see if there are any local groups you’re interested in. They have all different topics—film, hiking, dancing, writing, international societies, and much more. Many cities also have local clubs that are listed in the paper. You could also perhaps reach out to the wives of your husband’s friends and extend a friendly hand.

If people have parties but don’t invite you, how about hosting a party yourself? It’s a great way to show your interest in developing friendships with people and you’d probably make someone’s day who is also feeling a little lonely and isolated.

HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS SPIRIT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a medium and having worked on myself for forever, you would think I would be free of negative attachments (spirits). However, there is one spirit in particular that tries to upset me and it manages to do just that.

It feeds off my need for “external romantic love” and company and comes in and imitates loving energies very similar to those of my partner. It is very conniving and good at getting me off track.  It also knows I get angry at its presence and plays on that. I’m losing the will to live here! I have tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it.

Being an amazing medium, can you see anything I can’t see regarding why it’s here? Maybe I’m doing something wrong as surely there’s a reason it’s still hanging around? Please help.

—On My Last Nerve (Bolivia)

 

DEAR O.M.L.N.:

We are all in process, no matter how long we’ve worked on ourselves (and that includes past lives).

Spirits are just like people, who are of course spirits in human bodies. There’s a saying, “What we resist, persists.” Anything we resist energetically keeps sticking around or we’ll manage to get rid of something and something of a similar vibration comes along. For example, if a student is being bullied at school, the more he resists, the more the bully may bother him and may even escalate. However, once the student learns to get neutral to the bully and starts to have more of his true power, the bully will generally find someone else to go persecute. This is of course easier said than done but it is possible with practice and retraining of your attitudes to learn to get neutral to what you are resisting.

Another example is when dealing with energy vampires, people who suck and suck and suck our energy, whether they are narcissists or people who try to ingratiate themselves, then pester to get some kind of reaction and to pull energy from you, even if it negative attention. Once you stop resisting them and give them space to be without giving them any attention, they generally tire and go suckle the energy from someone else, whether that is by charming them or creating drama or pretending to be helpless, or whatever techniques they use to suck energy.

Keep your focus on what’s important to you. Since you want love and good company, use your energy to take practical steps like joining a meetup group for a topic that interests you (hiking or art or movies or whatever) or just get a group of friends together and encourage them to bring their nice friends as well. You’ll meet people, have fun, and who knows what else? And your focus will be on creating positive things you want rather than giving your energy to this spirit or your worries or any negative people or anything else you don’t really want in your life.

Good on you for your awareness and making these changes!

WHAT KIND OF EXERCISE DO YOU LOVE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What kind of exercise do you love for yourself?

—Just Curious

DEAR JUST CURIOUS:

Oh, thank you for this very easy-to-answer question. I love zumba and Pure Barre (especially at the studio in Broomfield, Colorado, http://purebarre.com/co-broomfield) and yoga and I also love to go hiking with my friends. I also love snorkeling although I have not gotten to do it all that often. Oh, and of course sex, which is great cardio, great glute and other exercise, and just plain fun. Haha.

WHY IS MY WIFE ALWAYS ON ME ABOUT A LITTLE EXTRA WEIGHT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a guy who is maybe 20 pounds overweight. My wife is always on me about losing weight although technically she’s maybe 20 pounds overweight as well. What’s the deal? I think she’s hot at any weight but I feel like she’s always picking on me, especially as she’s not a stick either. And I wonder if she thinks I don’t look hot like this and if that’s why she keeps nagging me about my weight.

–Feeling Picked on (United States)

DEAR PICKED:

A couple things could be happening. She could be concerned about your health and, in an effort to push you towards your optimal health, is pursuing this goal in a way that feels very invalidating to you.

Another possibility is that maybe she wishes she was closer to her own healthy weight and is in resistance to her own extra weight that she carries. Instead of dealing with her own desire to be thinner or healthier, maybe she is directing her resistance to extra weight in your direction, which is no doubt not terribly fun.

Why don’t you reset the tone of this conversation? Like suggesting to her instead of her pointing out your extra weight, it would behoove you both to focus more on the positive and create a plan for the end goal. For example, maybe you could enjoy more fun social activities together like hiking, camping, dancing, bicycling, or joining a community softball group or something. Also you could check out some cooking classes or recipes that focus on healthy eating and make delicious concoctions together that will offer you healthy fats while helping you drop unhealthy fats and cholesterol, etc. Then you can both have fun living a healthy lifestyle together while simply enjoying yourselves.

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