Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do you choose between two men, both good men but very different from each other? One is financially stable and responsible and kind and reliable and very intellectually stimulating. One is truly a god in between the sheets and is fun and spontaneous and adventurous. How to choose between such two very different men?

–Torn between Two Lovers (United States)

DEAR TORN:

Well, that is a good question. Can you just have both of them? Ha ha. Barring that option, there are some issues to consider.

First, know that no one human being, no matter how wonderful, can ever fulfill your every need or expectation. That being said, it is important to validate and nurture your own wholeness and to develop the kinds of qualities you are looking for in a mate and to infuse your life with those qualities you wish for.

If you want someone financially stability, have you developed your own solid financial foundation? If you want someone who is adventurous, have you fostered your own sense of adventure? If you want someone reliable, are you reliable for others and reliable for yourself?

Also keep in mind that the sex comprises a comparatively small part of each day and the passion, for many couples at least, doesn’t necessarily burn as hot after a while, along there are things couples can do to keep those fires burning.

You’ll have to decide what your priorities are as you make this choice. One thing to look at is the possibility of bringing in more passion into your relationship with the first partner if that is what you want. Or bringing in more stability (if that is what you want) into your relationship with the second man. Notice too how you feel about yourself when you are with each man. Do you feel more yourself when you are with one or the other? How do each of them push you to grow in each relationship? That being said, follow your heart, my friend.