HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO LEAVE A MARRIAGE?

25 Jul 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My wife and I have been married for 27 years. She is a wonderful woman but I feel so bored with my life and with my marriage. How do I know when it is time to go?

–Trying (United States)

DEAR TRYING:

Well, first you might want to have a conversation with her and maybe try couples counseling. If you’re feeling bored with your marriage, it’s quite likely she might be feeling the same way.

Talk together and see what you can both do to cultivate passion, excitement, and a fresh perspective on your marriage and on each other. Try dating each other too. Do fun things neither of you have done before. Take a class together, visit a new place, or buy a tandem bike that you can ride together to explore new places while staying healthy. You may come to know each other in a whole new way when you give yourselves a chance by giving yourself fresh situations, new environments, and novel stuff to do and discuss together. You both have probably evolved in ways you don’t even recognize and this is a great chance to get to know your new selves with fresh eyes.

Also, keep in mind that when you were first dating, you worked to get to know each other and you made plans to do fun things together. That’s got to continue. Every relationship needs work to maintain it and to help it grow and thrive.

Finally, if you feel bored with your life, you’ve got to start by addressing that. Once you feel stimulated in your own life (your hobbies, interests, learning new things, pursuing your dreams), that stimulation and enthusiasm will likely spread into your marriage.

I wish you much enjoyment of the rediscovery of both who you are and who your wife is and who you are as a couple in the present moment.

WHAT IS THE MAIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TWIN FLAME AND A SOULMATE? ETC.

27 May 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I wrote to you earlier but have one more question. What’s the main difference anyway between twin flames and soulmates? And is it such a big deal to find your twin flame–or can you have an equally mind blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate?

–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia) 

DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING M’SOULMATE:

Many people do long to meet their twin flame but it isn’t terribly common to incarnate in the same lifetime with each other, nor would it always even be desirable. For example, if you came in this lifetime to develop a healthy sense of ego and individuality balanced with knowing the oneness of humanity, incarnating with your twin flame might impede that lessons you came to learn.

It is possible to create a mind-blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate, with a twin flame, or on your own, for that matter. The more you create that for yourself, the likelier it is that you will attract someone that can share that with you and contribute equally in creating a mind-blowing and fulfilling life together.

Short answer about twin flames vs. soulmates: A twin flame is essentially considered your other half. The other half of your soul, if you will. But then again, in the bigger picture, we’re all part of the same oversoul, aren’t we? We are all one anyways.

A soulmate can be someone special (not limited to the romantic realm—a buddy, a child, a parent, etc.) with whom you have a soul agreement to help each other learn different lessons you’ve been wanting to learn. Sometimes this can feel wonderful and sometimes not. You can imagine. Who else but your soulmate would agree to help you release the worst kind of pain or grief or whatever limiting habits or energies or beliefs? Some people pray and pray to meet their soulmate and when that soulmate breaks their heart so they can release all the old grief or walls or whatever they needed to release, they forget to say thank you for having their prayers answered because they don’t know they got exactly what they asked for.

Both twin flames and soulmates come with different teachings and different gifts. For example, with a twin flame, sometimes if you date or marry a twin flame, you have to consciously feed the passion between you because you are one and the same, which doesn’t always translate to hot sex or instant passion. On the other hand, when one dates a soulmate, often there is volcanic attraction and sex between you, fueled by the fires of karma.

Any which way you choose, it’s all good in the end. Just intend to meet the person that is right for you and follow your heart and listen to your spirit.

Much love. Wishing you well on your journey.

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO MEN?

23 May 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do you choose between two men, both good men but very different from each other? One is financially stable and responsible and kind and reliable and very intellectually stimulating. One is truly a god in between the sheets and is fun and spontaneous and adventurous. How to choose between such two very different men?

–Torn between Two Lovers (United States)

DEAR TORN:

Well, that is a good question. Can you just have both of them? Ha ha. Barring that option, there are some issues to consider.

First, know that no one human being, no matter how wonderful, can ever fulfill your every need or expectation. That being said, it is important to validate and nurture your own wholeness and to develop the kinds of qualities you are looking for in a mate and to infuse your life with those qualities you wish for.

If you want someone financially stability, have you developed your own solid financial foundation? If you want someone who is adventurous, have you fostered your own sense of adventure? If you want someone reliable, are you reliable for others and reliable for yourself?

Also keep in mind that the sex comprises a comparatively small part of each day and the passion, for many couples at least, doesn’t necessarily burn as hot after a while, along there are things couples can do to keep those fires burning.

You’ll have to decide what your priorities are as you make this choice. One thing to look at is the possibility of bringing in more passion into your relationship with the first partner if that is what you want. Or bringing in more stability (if that is what you want) into your relationship with the second man. Notice too how you feel about yourself when you are with each man. Do you feel more yourself when you are with one or the other? How do each of them push you to grow in each relationship? That being said, follow your heart, my friend.

SHOULD I CONTACT MY OLD SWEETHEART?

14 May 2014 5 Comments

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am married and have been to a wonderful man for 20 years. I can’t help thinking about my high-school sweetheart from time to time, though. Sometimes I dream about him too. Should I contact my old sweetheart? I’ve seen him on my former classmates’ Facebook pages but have not friended him nor has he friended me.

–Longing for Someone from My Past (United States)

DEAR LONGING:

First, I would think about what you’re hoping to achieve by contacting your old high-school sweetheart. Are you hoping to rekindle things with him? Are you happy in your marriage? Do you love your husband? Are you willing to give him up for someone who may or may no longer be the person you used to know? And maybe he never even really was the person you thought he was. These are just a few of the questions to start with as you make your decision whether or not to contact him.

Also, I recommend your talking to your husband about this before contacting this man from your past. I’m a bit old-fashioned this way—trust in a marriage is sacred and is very difficult to rebuild once it is broken. Marriages may look completely different for each couple but trust and respect are keys foundations for every successful marriage no matter what type of marriage it is. If you don’t want to tell your husband you are contacting this man, is it because you have something to hide?

Just think about these different factors and notice what you notice. Sometimes we long for someone but what we’re really longing for is what that person symbolizes—the person you were when you knew him, the innocence or passion of your life at the time, or something else entirely.

You might want to start by examining this. If you’re longing for the passion or excitement of that time, how can you create it in your current life? Perhaps a romantic weekend with your husband playing with new positions or energies in a fresh environment. Or maybe a weekend oil-painting workshop if you’ve always loved art and longed to paint. Start by giving yourself whatever it is you feel you are missing in your life before trying to create it from anything external and just notice what happens.

If you feel something is missing in your relationship with your husband, give yourself that energy (for example, through classes, fun adventures, simple breaks in your routines, or a weekend on your own) and let it spread through all aspects of your life, including your marriage.

NOTE TO READERS: TODAY I DISCOVERED AWONDERFUL FEATURE ON WORDPRESS WHERE YOU CAN SCHEDULE YOUR PRE-WRITTEN BLOGS. SO NOW I CAN JUST DO THAT IN ADVANCE WHEN I’M GOING TO BE ON THE ROAD. I HAD WISHED SUCH A FEATURE EXISTED, AND VOILA! ISN’T THAT OFTEN THE CASE THAT WHAT WE SEEK IS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES? HA HA.

HOW DO I GET A JOB I’M MOTIVATED TO DO?

06 May 2014 Leave a comment

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I’ve had this same job for 18 years but now I feel so unmotivated. They pay is good and the people are nice but sometimes I just want to scream. I don’t know what else I’d do if I left though, or how I would pay the bills. Do you have any suggestions?

–Am I Lazy or What? (United States)

DEAR AM I:

A very wise man and teacher, Michael Tamura, once told me that motivation doesn’t disappear. It just goes somewhere else.

Follow your motivation to wherever it has gone. What excites you? What would you love to do? Then start doing it, even as a hobby and see where it leads. You don’t have to quit your job for now. Just start exploring and follow your heart. It may lead you to some miracles.

Have fun cultivating your passion.

Note to readers: I apologize for my absence over the last few days. I thought I would have Internet access where I was but did not. I did, however, while I was “out,” get to experience a wonderful sweat lodge led by a beautiful healer and also meet a wonderful photographer, who I will be featuring in a future Sunday Share. Anyway, thanks for your patience and thanks for joining me. And as always, feel free to email a question of your own if you’d like to askdalimama@gmail.com.

Aside by askdalimama

ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR SOMEONE TIRED OF LOOKING FOR A JOB?

12 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

At this point in life I have a weak resume, no real connections and all I’ve done for the past eight years is send out resumes to nonprofits, which I’d eventually like to work in, to no avail. My plan B has always been to just work for a college but it ALL seems so ho-hum. Do you have any suggestions as far as bringing something about easily–I’m pretty tired of trying to figure it out and going that route just makes everything seem hard and a little pointless. Am I apathetic or what?

–Ann (United States)

DEAR ANN:

I understand the challenges of seeking work during this time in the United States. Don’t just send out resumes as many jobs are not actually filled solely through the standard resume route. Only target places you really want to work for. Find a place that does work you’re passionate about and, if you can, volunteer a couple hours a week so they can get to know you.

Another target maybe five top places with causes that you want to champion and call the person who is in charge of the area you are most interested in and talk to them. Tell them your skills, your experience, ask how you can help, and ask if they can meet with you or at least have a chat about how you can get in at their organization. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

Once they know you and what you’re capable of, they’d be smart to hire you. Even if nothing is available at the time, leave your contact info and keep in touch periodically (maybe a postcard every month or something) and keep yourself in the forefront of their minds so hopefully they’ll contact you when an opening does come up.

Finally, reset the energy of your job search. Go in and HAVE the job you want in the powerful energy that is divinely yours. Don’t go in with the energy of needing a job, like they’d be doing you a favor to hire you, or like a beggar asking for a handout. HAVE the energy of your dream job first, then go in, offering and allowing them the honor and gift of you working for their organization. Once you do this, the energy will start to build.

As far as apathy, apathy is a form of resistance, and resistance can create walls between you and what you’re trying to create. So have enthusiasm and fun in your job search. The human resource people will sense that, even when they’re just looking at your resume.

FED UP WITH FRAUD. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

06 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

We canceled and got three new credit cards over the last couple months, due to security breaches.  Since then, and particularly over the last week, two of our newly issued cards were compromised.  I can’t help but wonder if there is something funky going on energetically to make this happen, and so many times.  It seems like too much too often to be simply coincidental.  Is there anything we could do/not do to protect ourselves from financial and identity fraud? Thank you.

–Enough of This (United States)

DEAR ENOUGH:

Start by contacting your banks and your credit-card companies requesting more secure credit-card technology. Other countries already have more secure credit-card systems using chips, for example, so the technology does exist already–it just needs to be adopted in the States. The more consumers demand this technology, the quicker it’ll be adopted.

On an energetic level, two things are probably going on:

1)    You might be getting a warning from the universe now to pay more attention to your money and security-related issues, and also to get a chance to look at what are really the most important things in your life so you don’t have to undergo anything more extreme.

2)    Pay attention too to where you are losing your own identity—forgetting what is most important to you as an individual, not spending time on your own true passions, constantly sacrificing yourself and your own needs for family or friends or work. Own and reclaim your true identity for yourself so no one else can take it. And as you’re owning and rediscovering yourself, also validate and have your worth just for you!

Enjoy the process!

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