How do I get financially stable?

—Wanting the Good Life (United States)


There are some great resources out there. Google “Oprah’s debt diet” and “Suze Orman.” Your local library will probably have Orman’s books as well as other good financial resources. Sometimes different cities and organization will offer low-cost or free financial counseling as well, so check into what’s available in your particular area.

In addition to that, start eliminating any unnecessary expenses. You might want to write down every penny you spend for a month so you can see where your money is leaking.

Also, spend time recognizing the value of all the things in your life that are free or that you already have and thank those items you own and the friends and loved ones in your life. Once you become more conscious of what you already have, you may find you have less desire for new things. You might also discover that in many ways, you’re already living the good life!!!



Is it better to buy a house or to rent? I think we should rent until we’re more financially stable but my wife would really like to a buy a place and this is causing some friction in our marriage.

–Reluctant (United States)


Whether to buy or rent depends a lot on your particular situation and your long-term goals.

Some things to think about: Buying a place can tie you to a particular area and make it difficult to easily relocate if you have a job opportunity come up in a different state or country.

Waiting till you’re financially stable before buying a home makes good sense in any case. Perhaps you and your wife can sit down and make a budget and a plan if you decide to buy a home. If you both agree on what feels financially secure and comfortable, including price ranges of a place to purchase, monthly mortgage payments, savings needed before purchasing a place, that will help you both be invested in the process of purchasing a place and feel comfortable in the plan you have created together to make that happen.




How do you choose between two men, both good men but very different from each other? One is financially stable and responsible and kind and reliable and very intellectually stimulating. One is truly a god in between the sheets and is fun and spontaneous and adventurous. How to choose between such two very different men?

–Torn between Two Lovers (United States)


Well, that is a good question. Can you just have both of them? Ha ha. Barring that option, there are some issues to consider.

First, know that no one human being, no matter how wonderful, can ever fulfill your every need or expectation. That being said, it is important to validate and nurture your own wholeness and to develop the kinds of qualities you are looking for in a mate and to infuse your life with those qualities you wish for.

If you want someone financially stability, have you developed your own solid financial foundation? If you want someone who is adventurous, have you fostered your own sense of adventure? If you want someone reliable, are you reliable for others and reliable for yourself?

Also keep in mind that the sex comprises a comparatively small part of each day and the passion, for many couples at least, doesn’t necessarily burn as hot after a while, along there are things couples can do to keep those fires burning.

You’ll have to decide what your priorities are as you make this choice. One thing to look at is the possibility of bringing in more passion into your relationship with the first partner if that is what you want. Or bringing in more stability (if that is what you want) into your relationship with the second man. Notice too how you feel about yourself when you are with each man. Do you feel more yourself when you are with one or the other? How do each of them push you to grow in each relationship? That being said, follow your heart, my friend.

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