HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT MY SEXUALITY?

13 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Sex, Uncategorized Tags: ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am in high school and I guess I am popular but I’m a big fake. My whole life is fake. My parents are fake. My sister is fake. I’ve been into a couple of girls but mostly I’m not into girls. My parents will go ballistic if I try to tell them the truth. What can I do? I don’t want to be a big fake like my family.

—Scared Sh*tless (United States)

DEAR S.S.:

I congratulate you for your quest for living an authentic life. Many people, no matter what age, are “scared sh*tless” to be who they are in the world. Your asking this question means you have the courage and also the means to be REAL instead of fake.

No matter what your parents’ reaction is to your truth, honor yourself for being who you are and for taking steps to live your truth. This is a process and you are taking the first steps.

You might want to check out this website for some resources: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx. There are many other resources online, so check those out as well.

Above all, know that you’re not alone. Many other people of all ages are on all different ranges in the spectrum of sexuality and this is just one aspect of who you are—like your hair color, your talents, your intelligence, etc. It is part of the unique recipe of what makes you the person you are. So keep getting to know who you are and celebrate all parts of your individuality and celebrate your courage to express your unique brand of authenticity in the world.

I applaud your courage and your walk of authenticity, my friend.

SHOULD I STAY WITH MY PARTNER WHO KEEPS ME IN THE CLOSET?

22 May 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been out of the closet since I was 17 and am in a relationship with a man who is still very much in the closet even though he claims to be out. He told his parents that he is gay but refuses to tell anyone at work about me. I have been to his office after hours and there’s not even a photo of me on his desk or anywhere else in his office. I’m guessing that none of his colleagues even know I exist or know that he is with anyone. I’ve never been invited to any of his company holiday parties even though I feel his company, though conservative, is at least open-minded enough for him to bring me to social functions. I am getting tired of this as it has been four years and I feel I am being kept in the closet with my partner due to his refusal to really claim me as his partner to all of the world. What do you recommend?

–One Foot Out (United States)

DEAR ONE FOOT OUT:

Only you can decide what you need to do. The question to ask yourself is whether the joy and fulfillment you have with him outweighs the resentment and frustration of feeling invisible and hidden in your partner’s life. A relationship counselor might be able to help both of you understand each other’s perspectives in this situation as well to help you as you make your decision.

Also, no one can truly keep you in the closet if you’re out. Be proud of who you are and of your sexuality and don’t take your partner’s reluctance to be public with you personally. You were amazingly self-aware and courageous to come out as a teenager but sometimes others may need more time to have that same level of courage and freedom.

HOW TO COME OUT TO PARENTS AND WHY DO PEOPLE FREAK OUT ABOUT GAYS?

13 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do people freak out about gays and how do I come out to my parents?


–Don’t Know What to Do (Australia)

Dear Don’t Know What to Do:

Sometimes people are frightened by what they cannot easily categorize or anything that is different from what they think to be the norm. Life–and people–is complex but trying to categorize and compartmentalize make some people feel like they have more control over any situation if they can put something or someone in a box—male, female, heterosexual, homosexual, black, white, Republican, Democrat, etc. In reality, however, there is a lot of overlap and nobody fits neatly into one specific box.

As far as coming out to your parents, you might want to enlist a friend you trust to give you moral support, whom you can talk to and who can be there for you after you have the talk with your parents. Then, when you talk to your parents, give them space to have whatever reaction they might have. They might even already know that you are gay. The important thing is to remember that you are a beautiful and courageous person no matter how anyone reacts to you and no matter whom you love and this is something to celebrate. Check out http://community.pflag.org for resources.

Congratulations for being true to who you are.  Be proud!

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