WHAT CAUSES LOW LIBIDO IN WOMEN AND HOW DO I BOOST MY LIBIDO?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a woman in her mid-40s and I feel my libido is low. It’s been that way for some time. What can cause this and how do I boost my libido?

–Low Libido (Canada)

DEAR LOW LIBIDO:

First, check with your doctor. He or she might want to do some tests, including a hormone test, which can affect your libido. If your low libido has medical causes, there are always allopathic or naturopathic treatments you can try.

Also, I recommend you do more activities to foster passion in your life. If time flies when you’re painting, take a painting class. If you get an adrenal rush performing, try doing music or comedy at open-mic night at your local café. Do something that feels a little scary but fun.

If you are single, go meet new people. You can meet nice folks in groups through places like Meetup.com. Meeting new and interesting people can reawaken your spark, even if it is simply making new platonic friends. It’s also important to rev up your sexual energy to get it flowing more. Perhaps you could find some tasteful erotic literature or movies to get the energy moving. You might want to also invest in a vibrator and use it every day, even if you’re not that into it at first. It’ll at least start to get the energy moving gradually in your sexual space. The more you feed your sexual energy and space, the stronger it’ll get.

If you are in a relationship, try spicing things up together. Go out like you’re on a first date and flirt madly with each other and make each other laugh, forbidding each other to talk about the groceries or the laundry or the kids or the car needing a tune-up. Tell each other what you find sexy about each other. Maybe even go on a double-date with some new friends and see things about your partner from fresh eyes and remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place.

 

USE OF THE TERM “PARTNER”

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have come across a few couples that have been together for years that I thought were husband and wife, but when I asked, “Oh, are you so-and-so’s husband?,” they reply, “Well, I’m her partner.” What does that mean? Why do you think some people do not refer to themselves as husband and wife?

–Curious Girl (United States)

DEAR CURIOUS GIRL:

In hetero couples, some common reasons include:

1)    Some people don’t like the roles or stereotypes or energy associated with the term “husband” or “wife,” so they choose to use more neutral terms such as partner, which connotes total equality and also may imply that a relationship is a true partnership on all levels rather than anybody’s version of what that means.

2)    Sometimes people avoid using the terms “husband” and “wife” for legal reasons. If it is important for them to remain separate entities legally, those terms may imply a common-law marriage, which they may not want even if they’re been together a long time.

3)    It beats calling your person  “Sugar Daddy” and “Snooky Babe.” Ha ha.

Thank you for your question, Curious Girl.

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