HOW DO I LEARN TO ENJOY MY OWN GOOD ENERGY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

For most of my life I have been in an awful energetic state, bombarded with negativity. This thankfully changed recently but I’m used to looking for good energies/love/happiness to be provided for me from outside of myself. How do I help my mind catch up to the fact that I have A grade energy now and that I no longer need the outside “positive vibes.” How do I tap into this A grade energy to enjoy for myself?

—Confused (Norway)

 

DEAR C.:

Congratulations on the recent change of your energetic state. Learning to tap into your positive energy will take commitment on your part as far as strengthening the habit of enjoying this positive energy for yourself. Whenever you catch yourself looking for things outside of yourself (whether love or good energies or happiness), say hello and validate those good energies inside of yourself. Validate the love you have inside of you, validate that you are made of love, and practice loving yourself completely and unconditionally, for example.

You can change your outward behavior accordingly as well. For example, if you think you need to buy a nice outfit to look nice, take a look inside your closet and see what you already have and pull it out and experiment with a new way to enjoy it or pair it with a different pair of shoes that you already have to give it a fresh feel. Or even better, just look in the mirror and admire the beauty staring back at you!!!

Also, even as you enjoy your own positive energy, choose friends and others to be around who mirror and support that positive energy rather than people who tend to pull you down with negative habits like gossiping or putting others down. Be around people who reflect joy and light and see how much merriment and good in the world you can make together.

 

 

DO I HAVE TO PLAY DAUGHTER?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am 28 and I love my mother and we are more like friendly strangers than mother and daughter. I always wanted more of a warm and fuzzy mom but I know that is never going to happen. Do I have to go through the rigmarole of playing daughter with someone that probably feels obligated to play mom to me?

—Wanting Something More Than This (United States)

DEAR W.S.M.T.T.:

It could be that your mother simply feels obliged to be in a mother role to you. It also could be possible that she has love for you in her heart that she can’t express well. Oftentimes, people may be relating in a way they’ve been related to, or perhaps she has been through something that has made her disconnect from her heart.

In any case, I wonder what would happen if you simply validate what is and validate her as someone who shows up (in whatever ways she shows up for you).

Perhaps you could also tell her you’d really like to get to know her better and see how she steps up. If she can’t step up as a more loving and maternal and nurturing presence in your life, validate her stepping up in the ways she does, and take this opportunity to learn how to be your own mother—to nurture yourself, to love yourself unconditionally, and to pay attention to what you need. That way, anything else is icing on the cake and you’ve learned a very important lesson—to be there unconditionally for yourself and to love yourself.

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