HOW DO I LEARN TO ENJOY MY OWN GOOD ENERGY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

For most of my life I have been in an awful energetic state, bombarded with negativity. This thankfully changed recently but I’m used to looking for good energies/love/happiness to be provided for me from outside of myself. How do I help my mind catch up to the fact that I have A grade energy now and that I no longer need the outside “positive vibes.” How do I tap into this A grade energy to enjoy for myself?

—Confused (Norway)

 

DEAR C.:

Congratulations on the recent change of your energetic state. Learning to tap into your positive energy will take commitment on your part as far as strengthening the habit of enjoying this positive energy for yourself. Whenever you catch yourself looking for things outside of yourself (whether love or good energies or happiness), say hello and validate those good energies inside of yourself. Validate the love you have inside of you, validate that you are made of love, and practice loving yourself completely and unconditionally, for example.

You can change your outward behavior accordingly as well. For example, if you think you need to buy a nice outfit to look nice, take a look inside your closet and see what you already have and pull it out and experiment with a new way to enjoy it or pair it with a different pair of shoes that you already have to give it a fresh feel. Or even better, just look in the mirror and admire the beauty staring back at you!!!

Also, even as you enjoy your own positive energy, choose friends and others to be around who mirror and support that positive energy rather than people who tend to pull you down with negative habits like gossiping or putting others down. Be around people who reflect joy and light and see how much merriment and good in the world you can make together.

 

 

HOW DO I WORK THROUGH MY FEARS OF SUCCESS AND FAILURE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been paralysed by my fears from taking action in my professional life for the past few months. This lack of action has affected my mental as well as financial well being. It all comes down to a fear of success, as crazy as that might sound. And also, a little fear of failure and rejection.

Ultimately I am scared that if I take action and make things happen in my business, it will propel me towards success that I won’t be able to handle and that it will bring me added responsibilities. I’m scared that new responsibility will tie me down and make me less of a free spirit and be a noose around my neck. Also I will have to take responsibility towards others who buy my product: I am a perfectionist so it kinda scares me, the potential fault finding and finger pointing of others.

My fear of rejection by clients is the flip side of the coin. I don’t deal with rejection well or bounce back up quickly. I retreat even more.

How can I break out of this self-sabotaging behaviour? And how can I drastically change perspective and shed my fears?

—Success Hungry Yet Success Scared (S. Africa)

DEAR S.H.Y.S.S.:

Many people have fear of success as well as fear of failure but don’t understand that those fears are holding them back. Your awareness of these fears will help you work through them more quickly since you can do so consciously.

Perhaps you can take the first step of breaking down your bigger goals into small concrete tasks in order of priority and tackle them one by one. Focusing on concrete tasks will ultimately be more productive for you than focusing on abstract worst-case scenarios or fears of being successful and then tanking or fears of being rejected (or your products rejected) by clients.

As you complete each small task, ensuring that they are part of your larger goals, validate each step you took and validate yourself for taking that step. Do this consistently and build small changes and, over time, this will result in a drastically changed perspective that you will have created by practicing changing your way of thinking over time.

You might want to work with a counselor also to help you work through those fears and the root causes.

I wish you any success that you want. I have no doubt you are capable of success as you work through these energies. I applaud your efforts.

DO I HAVE TO PLAY DAUGHTER?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am 28 and I love my mother and we are more like friendly strangers than mother and daughter. I always wanted more of a warm and fuzzy mom but I know that is never going to happen. Do I have to go through the rigmarole of playing daughter with someone that probably feels obligated to play mom to me?

—Wanting Something More Than This (United States)

DEAR W.S.M.T.T.:

It could be that your mother simply feels obliged to be in a mother role to you. It also could be possible that she has love for you in her heart that she can’t express well. Oftentimes, people may be relating in a way they’ve been related to, or perhaps she has been through something that has made her disconnect from her heart.

In any case, I wonder what would happen if you simply validate what is and validate her as someone who shows up (in whatever ways she shows up for you).

Perhaps you could also tell her you’d really like to get to know her better and see how she steps up. If she can’t step up as a more loving and maternal and nurturing presence in your life, validate her stepping up in the ways she does, and take this opportunity to learn how to be your own mother—to nurture yourself, to love yourself unconditionally, and to pay attention to what you need. That way, anything else is icing on the cake and you’ve learned a very important lesson—to be there unconditionally for yourself and to love yourself.

HOW DO I KEEP FROM SAYING MEAN THINGS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Sometimes when I’m with my boyfriend (usually with him but sometimes with my sister or once in a while with friends), I’ll hear something that makes me feel insecure and then I’ll say something really awful to make him or them feel the same way I do. What is wrong with me and why do I do this and how do I change this?

–Mean Motormouth (United States)

DEAR M.M.:

Well, you’ve already done the most important thing in changing this behavior, which is taking a look at why you engage in this pattern and being aware that you do this.

And there’s nothing wrong with you, per se. You’re just being human. Perhaps, though, you are learning in this lifetime about how to use the power of your words in a way that is both constructive and positive. When you have power using negative words, that means that you can have even more power than you harness your gift of language for good and for the light.

To start changing your old patterns, take an extra breath and pause for a moment when you feel that impulse to say something mean to make someone else feel insecure. First, reset your space so that you validate yourself. For example, if you’re insecure about your schoolwork, validate that you’re great in a particular subject. If you’re insecure about your looks, validate a part of you that is beautiful. Once you do this and get more and more in a habit of doing this, you’ll notice the urge to say something to cut someone down or make them feel insecure will start to dissipate more and more until maybe you rarely feel like you need to say those kinds of things anymore.

Congratulations on taking a look at this so you can evolve into the powerful-tongued (perhaps even a writer) self that you were born to be.

 

HOW TO QUIT SMOKING?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Do you have any suggestions on quitting smoking?

–Hacking and Harried (England)

DEAR H&H:

Congratulations on deciding to quit.

To start, notice what you notice about smoking? Do you have particular triggers that make you want to smoke? For example, do you always want to smoke after eating? Do what you can to make small switches to triggers to make it easier to quit. For example, if you always want to smoke after a meal, make a new post-meal ritual to replace the smoking, like going for a short walk instead of lighting up after each meal. Your body and your lungs will thank you.

Also notice—do you jones for a cigarette when you’re in a certain type of mood? For example, do you grab a cigarette when you feel lonely or stressed? If so, just sit with whatever emotion you’re experiencing and just have it for a while and let it be okay. Often, people smoke as a way to pop out of their body to escape from uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, however, the feelings and issues are still there (and probably have increased) by popping out and going unconscious to the feelings by smoking. So just notice what you notice and let those energies be before lighting up.

Also validate that you are senior to smoking, to cigarettes. Validate your power and your power to choose yourself, your health, and your prosperity, over giving your power (and health and money) to a corporation that wants to profit off of your dependence on their product.

HOW DO I GET EVERYTHING DONE THAT NEEDS TO GET DONE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I meditate and do my best to stay grounded everyday, but I feel like I am doggy paddling through the day. I also have been hitting waves of numbness… I wonder if this is because I am popping out of my body or if I am releasing all that needs to release with all the new energies we are encountering on the planet. The question is (or maybe this is the second question?) How do I get everything done that needs to get done and keep my sanity and health?

–Wondering (United States)

DEAR WONDERING:

Looking at the energy, I see you are both occasionally popping out as well as releasing a lot of the numbness that kept you from feeling the energies that weren’t yours that you are letting go of now so you can really feel all of your own feelings that will help you proceed forward on your spirit’s true path.

As far as getting things done, create space outside of your aura layers for the energies you are releasing while staying grounded. Just notice and say hello to the eneriges you’re releasing that aren’t yours, but don’t resist them or give any energy to the energies you’re letting go of. Just have all of your energy for yourself, your health, and your balanced self and have your energy for what you want that you are in the process of creating,

In addition, keep validating each little step that you complete towards your end goal and that will help the energies flow more smoothly to keep supporting you.

Also create extra time and space to rest and relax and spend time alone so you can benefit fully from these changes that are happening while continuing to make space for yourself to integrate all of these new energies.

 

HOW TO DEAL WITH A NEIGHBOR WHO DOESN’T CARE FOR THE PROPERTY

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I live in a building that has six condominiums and have been here for twelve years. I am fortunate to have a good relationship with our neighbors in each unit.

Here is the situation: The condo directly above my home is a rental unit. The landlord (who has owned this unit for about 35 years) refuses to invest any money into the upkeep of this unit. The windows are broken and held together with tape. All of the appliances are very old models while the dishwasher and the clothes washer are not usable. The furnace, hot-water heater, and the bathroom plumbing are all in very bad shape. The tenant has lived without hot water or a properly functioning toilet for extended periods of time. The wall-to-wall carpeting is smelly, greasy, and stained. In short, the whole apartment is a total eyesore.

The tenant of this unit is indifferent to the condo’s condition. He is content with his living situation because the monthly rent is cheap–a bargain in this high-rent town.

I have two questions: 1) Will this condo ever be sold to a new owner who will care for the property? If so, how soon? 2) Will the current tenant (a chain smoker who has lived there for about 11 years) ever move out? If so, how soon?

Living here has been a practice of tolerance and patience, and for that I am grateful. It would be wonderful to have a neighbor who cherished living in a beautiful home. Thank you for your insight!

–Leena in Paradise, USA

DEAR LEENA:

First of all, congratulations for recognizing the teachings of your situation.

As an intuitive who believes in the power of every individual to shift the energy of a situation, I never “predict” a particular outcome or timeline because every choice we make changes the future. Likewise, every time we shift the energy in ourselves and in each situation, we are shaping the future as well.

With this in mind, there are a few practical and energetic things you can do. You might want to start by contacting the Homeowners Association or Condo Association if there is one for your condominium. If they cannot assist you, you might want to contact the city and see what they can do. Some of the conditions of the unit above that you describe may not adhere to minimum-standard health codes.

As far as what you can do to energetically shift the situation, start by releasing any resistance to the current state of the unit above and to the tenant in it, and shift the energy to neutrality and, if you can, amusement.

Next, release any energetic matches you have to the property and to the current tenant and the tenant’s landlord. For example, one energetic match could be any resistance you have towards spending money on creating a living environment that is beautiful and supportive of you. Another energetic match could be resistance to the necessity of spending money to maintain anything on the physical plane (perhaps your own resistance to beautifying your place or spending money on making repairs to your place or even resistance to the landlord’s resistance to spending money on the adjoining unit, or also things like resistance to spending money on maintaining your body’s physical health such as not wanting to pay to see a dentist or to get your hair cut or to get new glasses). Just intend to release any matches and notice what energies come up for you.

Once you’ve released your energetic matches to the property upstairs and to its tenant and landlord, fill yourself up with havingness of beauty and a physical support system for your body, your home, and for your life. Validate the beauty of your own living space and start delighting and rejoicing in your living environment and even, as you pay bills to live in and maintain or improve your living space, pay them with joy and appreciation, validating the worth of the space you live in and validating your ability to pay for a beautiful space with a heart full of joy.

Finally, keep raising the vibration of your home and the space above it by validating your home and the unit above you. Shifting the vibration of your space and the space above you will shift the energy so that both the landlord and the tenant may either match that raised vibration or may want to make them leave that vibration, making space for a new landlord and tenant that can match that high vibration. A simple example of this is when one person paints their house or plants a nice flower garden, it inspires the other neighbors to do the same thing because it looks so beautiful.

Enjoy the journey and living in paradise!

WHAT IS THE SPIRITUAL MEANING OF MISCARRIAGES?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I’ve had two miscarriages and am heartbroken. What is happening spiritually?

–Wanting so Badly to Be a Mother (New Zealand)

DEAR WANTING:

I feel for you, love. Sometimes a baby’s spirit has to come into the physical once or more for a pregnancy or two before being able to make it through the whole birth process. Sometimes this is to help the mother release any grief or other energies she needs to let go of so she can carry the baby in a higher vibration during the pregnancy. So be heartbroken for as long as you want and just keep releasing any grief and other old energies that need to go to make room for a new vibration.

Often, but not always, it is the same baby spirit coming in that was miscarried that comes back again and goes through the full-term pregnancy and birth with you later on.

Sometimes, too, a baby’s spirit just wants to be with you in the physical even for that short blessed time together.

In either case, validate that time you had together even if it wasn’t for as long as you had hoped.

Praying for love and peace and for whatever your spirit wishes.

HELP! MY SON IS GETTING BULLIED

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My son gets bullied a lot at school. He’s short for his age. Maybe that’s why he gets picked on. How can I help him?

–Concerned father (United States)

DEAR FATHER:

Start by talking to him and making a plan with him and any other family members, taking into account of your son’s input and feelings. Ultimately, you will have to do what you think best as as parent and adult, but do listen to him and make sure he feels heard and incorporate any of his ideas and suggestions that are feasible. Then talk to his teacher and possibly the principal to make sure they know what is going on and agree on a plan to resolve and monitor this situation.

Another thing you might want to do is find something that helps him develop confidence as well as social skills in group settings.

You might want to consider something like either a children’s tai chi or qi gong class (or even some places offer father-son or family classes). This is something that will help him develop confidence and will help him practice allowing his body to let the energy flow and also help him learn neutrality and ease in a peaceful energy. When he is confident and not resisting the energy of bullying, the other kids will start to leave him alone more.

Also, keep the lines of communication open with him and his teachers and principal to monitor the situation while giving him space to learn how to handle himself (keeping a watchful eye from afar) and validating his inner strength and power. Don’t treat him like he is helpless or weak or a victim, as that gives more energy to those pictures. Do what you need to to ensure his safety and well-being while validating his spirit, which is strong and whole.

FED UP WITH FRAUD. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

We canceled and got three new credit cards over the last couple months, due to security breaches.  Since then, and particularly over the last week, two of our newly issued cards were compromised.  I can’t help but wonder if there is something funky going on energetically to make this happen, and so many times.  It seems like too much too often to be simply coincidental.  Is there anything we could do/not do to protect ourselves from financial and identity fraud? Thank you.

–Enough of This (United States)

DEAR ENOUGH:

Start by contacting your banks and your credit-card companies requesting more secure credit-card technology. Other countries already have more secure credit-card systems using chips, for example, so the technology does exist already–it just needs to be adopted in the States. The more consumers demand this technology, the quicker it’ll be adopted.

On an energetic level, two things are probably going on:

1)    You might be getting a warning from the universe now to pay more attention to your money and security-related issues, and also to get a chance to look at what are really the most important things in your life so you don’t have to undergo anything more extreme.

2)    Pay attention too to where you are losing your own identity—forgetting what is most important to you as an individual, not spending time on your own true passions, constantly sacrificing yourself and your own needs for family or friends or work. Own and reclaim your true identity for yourself so no one else can take it. And as you’re owning and rediscovering yourself, also validate and have your worth just for you!

Enjoy the process!

CHANGING DYNAMICS IN FRIENDSHIPS

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a friend who till relatively recently meant the world to me but I have hugely grown and grown up as a person and I see her more for who she really is now.

I know now that I am easily her equal and no longer need a teacher/counselor (though she’d like to keep me in this position). Then when I look at her side of the friendship it’s based on her trying constantly to get me to use my spiritual gifts for her gratification (though she disguises it as a big need); or dumping her emotional stuff on me and generally trying to get me to her level of being–sad, frustrated, angry, lonely, etc.

On my side of the friendship, I used to get in touch with her when I felt I couldn’t cope with life as my mother never listened so I’ve always turned to other strong women. I need also to change this. How do I feel like I’m enough for myself to be able to cope with the emotional reactions I have without reaching out to others?

I fear her reaction as my mother shows rage and subsequent withholding of love I have been petrified of when I stand up to her. So my friend is a mirror. I want to find the courage not only to speak my truth but to also stand my ground and not shake inside or feel bad. I want to break this lifelong behavior pattern.

Also how do I discover what remains of our friendship when I make changes based on the above?

–M.L. (Switzerland)

DEAR M.L.:

It’s great you’re looking at both sides of the relationship as well as what you have to learn from this relationship. That’s an essential skill for any solid relationship.

The most important thing is for you to hold your space and be who you are—a strong woman in your power. Do this and your friend will either rise up to meet you at this new vibration or fall away. Sometimes, too, people have to withdraw for a little while first before they can meet up with you later at your true vibration.

Also, don’t resist any energies as far as her dumping energies on you. She can do that all she wants but it will only stick if you allow it to or if you resist those energies. Just validate your wholeness and love and power and see her as a whole and divine being as well and you can best enjoy her company (or not) while understanding both of you are divine beings in bodies and that you both are teachers in some areas and students in some, as we all are. In spirit there is no competition—no better than or less than, only wholeness and divinity. Keep validating that wholeness in yourself and in her and she can choose to match that more easily in her expression of her spririt in the physical plane.

Note: Readers, I invite you to send in your own questions. You may email them to askdalimama@gmail.com or write them in the comments section.

 

 

LOVE YOUR BUTT! LOVE IT, I SAY!

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do you make friends with a generous boot-ay?

—A.M. (United States)

DEAR A.M.:

Fortunately, I am well qualified to answer your question. Ha ha.

Start out by really validating your body, every single part of it, including your booty! Thank your booty for taking the weight off your feet while sitting, and for everything else it does for you. Harvard Med research even points to generous cabooses being linked to helping fight diabetes, so thank your curvy derriere for that as well!

When we get resistant to certain things (whether it’s our weight or someone we’re trying to get away from), they tend to stick. Hence the saying: “What we resist, persists.” Also when we focus on something we’re not crazy about, our energy tends to strengthen whatever you’re resisting. So the more you focus on you’re the size of booty, the more sizable it may become. When you start to validate it, it’ll shift to match whatever it’s meant to be in your divine perfection much more easily.

Finally, own that booty and delight in your curves. Wear clothes that show off your booty, whether it’s with nicely fitted jeans (maybe with a bootleg cut to balance out your beautiful womanly proportions) or maybe a tulip pencil skirt.  Many people try to hide what they consider “flaws,” but end up with a not-so-flattering potato-sack look that makes them look a lot bigger (and shapeless) than they actually are.

When you view yourself and carry yourself with pride, others will be able to appreciate you even more. I love my bodacious butt and have gotten nothing but appreciation from those lucky enough to keep company with it! And women like Jennifer Lopez or Beyonce probably haven’t gotten any complaints either—at least not from anybody that can appreciate beauty in its divine form.

So shake your booty with pride, sister! And you brothers too! Everybody, shake your booty!

HOW DO I MOVE ON FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been through a break-up and thought I was over him. By doing a lot of meditation, plus taking care of myself, I thought I had already moved on, especially because I haven’t thought about him in a while. Then, today, I ran into him briefly while I was with someone else. The conversation was basically hi and goodbye but I felt something in my heart, something heavy, like a pain. I do not understand why I felt this way. Also, he even gave me a small gift later that day. Please help me to understand what is going on and how to move on completely from him.
Regina (Brazil)

DEAR REGINA:

Love can be one of the most challenging issues, as well as the most rewarding. It’s very natural to feel pain about an old relationship, especially after running into an ex, as that can trigger more waves of old feelings and energies to release from the past. Validate that you could feel that heartache because it shows how much you are capable of feeling, and that’s a very beautiful thing. Also, the more you can feel (and thus have) that heartache, the more that you can feel (and have) joy, love, and more.

Seeing you with someone else may have triggered a little jealousy or regret in your ex, and him giving you a present was a way of trying to pull you back in. Receive the gift as a validation of what you had together, and keep on the path that is right for you, whatever that is.

Think about what makes you happy and focus first on creating a solid relationship with yourself and creating a life that you love. Have your energy for you. Don’t give any energy to your ex, whether that’s in the form of regretting the past, waxing nostalgic about what could have been, or resistance towards running into him. Just validate the past and what you and your ex learned from each other and let it all go to make space for something new and amazing.

Stay your beautiful and open-hearted self and enjoy the ride!

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