Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 53-year-old man and have never been married. I have been with my girlfriend for 9 years. She is pushing to get married, but I just don’t want to. I feel like I owe her because we’ve been together so long. Any advice?

–Feeling obligated (Canada)

DEAR FEELING OBLIGATED:

Be clear with her you don’t want to get married if you don’t want to get married. Obligation and guilt are not good reasons to make a lifelong commitment with someone.

Also, a marriage built on obligation is unlikely to succeed, much less last.

If you are very clear with her that you do not want to get married and never want to get married, it is her choice to stay or to go under those circumstances.

Also, if the two of you end up breaking up, if you want, be clear right from the get-go that you never wish to get married when you start dating someone (preferably before you sleep with them).

I wish you both whatever is for your individual and mutual highest good.