AM I OBLIGATED TO MARRY SOMEONE IF I’VE BEEN WITH THEM A LONG TIME?

06 Aug 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 53-year-old man and have never been married. I have been with my girlfriend for 9 years. She is pushing to get married, but I just don’t want to. I feel like I owe her because we’ve been together so long. Any advice?

–Feeling obligated (Canada)

DEAR FEELING OBLIGATED:

Be clear with her you don’t want to get married if you don’t want to get married. Obligation and guilt are not good reasons to make a lifelong commitment with someone.

Also, a marriage built on obligation is unlikely to succeed, much less last.

If you are very clear with her that you do not want to get married and never want to get married, it is her choice to stay or to go under those circumstances.

Also, if the two of you end up breaking up, if you want, be clear right from the get-go that you never wish to get married when you start dating someone (preferably before you sleep with them).

I wish you both whatever is for your individual and mutual highest good.

 

AT WHAT POINT DOES HANGING OUT WITH AN OLD GIRLFRIEND CROSS THE LINE?

24 Jul 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships Tags: , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been seeing someone seriously for a while now in a committed relationship. Recently, an old girlfriend has surfaced and we’ve been hanging out together. At what point does this cross a line that should not be crossed?

–Just wondering (Canada)

DEAR JUST WONDERING:

I commend you for thinking about this before it comes to a point where it does cross the line. I encourage you to speak to your girlfriend and discuss what she is comfortable with. You might also want to invite her to hang out with you and your friend/ex-girlfriend. If you do not want to invite her to hang out with the two of you, that’s probably a sign it’s time to pull back from hanging out with your ex, at least when it’s just the two of you.

Also, if you’re feeling sexually attracted to your old girlfriend or your friendship with her is taking away from your time with your girlfriend or the quality of your relationship with your current girlfriend, it’s definitely time to consider your priorities and make a fresh commitment within yourself to your current relationship with your girlfriend if it’s truly important to you. If you don’t, you might end up crossing the line and not only losing your girlfriend but ending up in the same place you were before with your old girlfriend and remembering why the two of you broke up in the first place.

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