I joined a dating site a couple weeks ago but noticed that none of the women even bother responding to my messages although my profile shows that I am an employed professional with a good salary and decent photo (I’m a decent-looking man, some say handsome even). Why haven’t I even gotten one single response?

–Frustrated (United States)


First, get some feedback from some of your friends (both male and female) to get some opinions on how you can improve your profile. Of course, you don’t have to incorporate all suggestions but just consider the feedback as research and then, if any of them resonate for you, you might want to tweak your profile slightly. Some small changes can make a big difference.

Second, keep in mind that some women are deluged with messages and people may be particularly busy or traveling right because we just got through with the holiday season.

Third, consider what kind of messages you’re sending. Are you just saying “Hi” or sending a wink? Are your messages thoughtful, demonstrating that you’ve actually read their profile or are they messages like “You’re pretty,” where it’s ambiguous whether you’ve actually read about their interests or hobbies or anything about them beyond seeing their photo? Tailor your messages to demonstrate you’ve read what they wrote about themselves and perhaps ask a question or two to engage them on a little deeper level than just hello, for example.

Finally, create an energetic space for them to respond to you if they want. Sometimes both men and women, in their enthusiasm to connect with someone, don’t realize they’re not creating an open and inviting space to hear back from someone or respond. Experiment with being both neutral and enthusiastic about getting to know someone while letting go off all expectations or demands or notions about how and when they respond to you. Play with this and have fun, no matter whether you hear from anyone or not. If you set the energy of your correspondence and of your dating to fun, it’s much more likely some woman will match that energy of fun and want to get to know you more.



I was saddened by the recent death of the great actor Seymour Philip Hoffman. Is it possible that a long list of drug-related celebrity deaths, which spans the decades—Billie Holiday, Dorothy Dandridge, Marilyn Monroe, Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Cory Monteith, and on and on—is partly the result of our unconsciousness as a species? As sensitive and talented people, those artists perhaps were less able to withstand the ordinary and extraordinary cruelties that accompany childhood. And fame, too, brings inhumanity from a public that assumes the famous, due to their privileged status, can well absorb any insult or privacy invasion. Aren’t the mental-health fatalities among celebrities ultimately a reflection of the misery being played out in private by the rest of us? Would such deaths—be they of the tremendously gifted or the quietly unknown—decrease if we, as human beings, were not as inhumane?

–Frustrated and Appalled (Canada)


This is an excellent question, dear reader. Yes, the same sensitivity that makes these people wonderful artists can also make these talented individuals more vulnerable to outside stresses and insensitivity.

And yes, troubled celebrities are a reflection of us as a society as well as individuals. They are just the same as the everyman/everywoman except they have to live their lives under the microscope, with the same pain anyone else would experience during life’s challenges. And surely it is even more painful when one’s divorce or public betrayal by a spouse or death in the family or other heartbreak is broadcast for entertainment consumption.

One way sensitive souls—celebrity or otherwise—can survive the public eye would be to learn energy tools on how to protect their energy so they can better cope with the energy of both the media and the masses. When you see someone who is pretty healthy and successful start to get erratic or self-destructive, it is often because they have so many of other people’s energy in their space, they begin to not be able to function until they tank out.  (I know we can all think of some examples of this happening.) When I have done sessions for famous people, the thing they usually need help with is reclaiming their own energy and space and cleaning out everyone else’s.

Also, it is important for each celebrity (and all of us, really) to be really grounded and clear about their own identity and to do their own inner work so they can handle being bombarded by other’s opinions of their work, their lives, and of their worth. Only when they are grounded in their truth will they be able to survive and thrive, continuing their work no matter what anybody thinks or doesn’t think of them.

As for the public, most people are very well-meaning but don’t realize what they’re doing with their energy (i.e., getting into other people’s energetic space) or how it affects others. Perhaps a good first step for people is to read and subscribe to media that cover celebrity talent in an ethical and respectful way. As long as readers want to read garbage that tears down and nitpicks celebrities and support media that don’t respect healthy boundaries, the bottom line—the almighty dollar—will continue to grow large off the suffering and private details of the lives of the famous, be they creative types, politicians, or anything else.

Here are a few examples of ways to keep up on pop culture and artists that are classy and non-obstrusive:

And here’s an example of a short piece on Dustin Hoffman from Lainey Gossip (http://www.laineygossip.com/Intro-for-July-9–2013/27405) that is a beautiful and edifying example of celebrity reporting. Doesn’t hurt that it features Dustin Hoffman, whom I now think is an even more beautiful person than I did before watching the interview clip.

Thanks for bringing up this important topic!

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