WAS I MOLESTED?

02 Apr 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 45-year-old man and recently I’ve been thinking that maybe my father molested me when I was little. I’m not really sure, though, but sometimes I see pieces of what are maybe memories or maybe they’re dreams. My father is still alive. Should I talk to him about this?

–Am I Crazy? (Canada)

DEAR AM I CRAZY:

This is a difficult situation but you will be able to handle it. Sometimes we may have dreams or even strange astral experiences where someone may be disguised as your father. Or even flashes of past-life recall about someone, which makes “reality” a little murky. On the other hand, it could certainly be something you experienced in this lifetime that you have repressed that is now emerging into your consciousness.

You may want to consider seeing a reputable therapist, possibly a hypnotherapist that can regress you through your childhood. Be sure you choose someone excellent as some therapists who are not qualified may unintentionally lead their patient or plant memories of what they think happened versus what actually happened.

Depending on what you learn during your explorations, you may also want to speak to your father about this, perhaps in the presence of your therapist who can help you navigate the dynamics with your father and who can also provide a neutral opinion of his response when you discuss this with him.

In any case, to be on the safe side, if you have children, don’t leave them unsupervised with your father, just as a precaution. You can do this subtly and without accusing him if you are not sure. And if you have children and have left them with your father, you might ask them general questions (being careful not to lead them in any way) about what they do when they’re hanging out with your father. You may also wish to carefully broach the subject with your siblings if you have any. This might give you some answers as well.

In either case, I applaud your courage to discover the truth and work through these energies.

WHAT TO DO WITH AN ACCUSING GIRLFRIEND?

17 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her. I am a faithful woman who has been in this relationship for several years and used to be very committed but now every time she does this, it just makes me want to actually go out and cheat on her although this is not my style at all. Should I break it off? Or is there a way to fix this?

–Had It up to Here (Portugal)

DEAR HAD IT:

You might want to try relationship counseling if you have not already and she should also go to counseling on her own to address the root of her self-sabotaging behavior and fears. With the guidance of your relationship counselor or therapist, perhaps you could both set a timeframe for this behavior to change and agree on the consequences of this behavior continuing past this time.

Communicate clearly to your girlfriend how this behavior is damaging the relationship and what the consequences of this behavior entail; e.g., your leaving the relationship since it seems you’re near a breaking point.

Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for you or not. Do the positive aspects of this relationship outweigh the frustrations of this ongoing issue? If not, perhaps it is time to go once you’ve given it your best.

Your girlfriend’s behavior is a good example of how people can create the situations they dread the most through their own resistance and fear.

Either way, let go of any resistance to her false accusations. It is natural to want to do something you’re accused falsely of but it will only hurt both of you. 

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