Why do I love some people instantly and not love some people instantly?

—Wanting to Love Everyone (United States)


That’s a complicated question with many factors but I’ll give you a very simple answer.

Sometimes our reactions to certain people are related to past lives we’ve had—knowing them in a past life can make up sometimes instantly be drawn to someone or to instantly wince upon meeting them for the first time in this lifetime. And sometimes be instantly drawn to someone only later to deplore them—that can also be related to past lives.

Sometimes, too, we may want to avoid people because they are reflecting back to us stuff we haven’t dealt with within ourselves. For example, if someone tends to be very controlling, we may resist them if we ourselves are controlling or are not neutral to control energy.

In the end, I believe we’re all come from love and we are all made of love. Sometimes it just takes longer to remember that. : )



Why do I meet people sometimes and I either love them or hate them right away?

–Wondering (New Zealand)


You’re probably responding to a spirit recognition of someone that you’ve known from a past life. When you instantly hate someone upon meeting them, you’re probably responding to a challenging past life with them, perhaps one in which they did something awful to you.

When you instantly love them, you’re probably responding to a really pleasant past-life experience with that person. Although of course there is often a combination of delightful and challenging experiences we’ve had with people within various past lives. Keep in mind we’ve all done horrible things and wonderful things as part of our learning process.

When you respond with instant clothes-ripping lust for someone, you probably have some major lessons to learn with each other in this lifetime.

Whether you hate them or love them upon meeting them, it’s a sign you have growth you can do together. Sometimes the ones we “hate” instantly can be the ones here to teach us what we most need to learn AND that we have the most resistance to learning. But they are often the ones who can gift us the most valuable gifts of learning.




I wrote to you earlier but have one more question. What’s the main difference anyway between twin flames and soulmates? And is it such a big deal to find your twin flame–or can you have an equally mind blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate?

–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia) 


Many people do long to meet their twin flame but it isn’t terribly common to incarnate in the same lifetime with each other, nor would it always even be desirable. For example, if you came in this lifetime to develop a healthy sense of ego and individuality balanced with knowing the oneness of humanity, incarnating with your twin flame might impede that lessons you came to learn.

It is possible to create a mind-blowing and fulfilling life with a soulmate, with a twin flame, or on your own, for that matter. The more you create that for yourself, the likelier it is that you will attract someone that can share that with you and contribute equally in creating a mind-blowing and fulfilling life together.

Short answer about twin flames vs. soulmates: A twin flame is essentially considered your other half. The other half of your soul, if you will. But then again, in the bigger picture, we’re all part of the same oversoul, aren’t we? We are all one anyways.

A soulmate can be someone special (not limited to the romantic realm—a buddy, a child, a parent, etc.) with whom you have a soul agreement to help each other learn different lessons you’ve been wanting to learn. Sometimes this can feel wonderful and sometimes not. You can imagine. Who else but your soulmate would agree to help you release the worst kind of pain or grief or whatever limiting habits or energies or beliefs? Some people pray and pray to meet their soulmate and when that soulmate breaks their heart so they can release all the old grief or walls or whatever they needed to release, they forget to say thank you for having their prayers answered because they don’t know they got exactly what they asked for.

Both twin flames and soulmates come with different teachings and different gifts. For example, with a twin flame, sometimes if you date or marry a twin flame, you have to consciously feed the passion between you because you are one and the same, which doesn’t always translate to hot sex or instant passion. On the other hand, when one dates a soulmate, often there is volcanic attraction and sex between you, fueled by the fires of karma.

Any which way you choose, it’s all good in the end. Just intend to meet the person that is right for you and follow your heart and listen to your spirit.

Much love. Wishing you well on your journey.



I’ve had healings and had amazing results and so I sent my husband to get a healing with this woman that really helped me, but he didn’t notice any changes. Why do some people heal and others don’t?

–Wondering (Canada)


That’s a great question. There are a number of possible reasons. Here are just a few of the common ones:

1)    Some modalities may work better for one individual or their particular condition at that time than for others.

2)    Sometimes different illnesses or conditions have teachings that a spirit has signed up for in this lifetime and the person may have not yet completed the lessons and is therefore not ready or willing as a spirit to finish the teaching of their condition.

3)    An individual’s beliefs may affect how much they can HAVE the healing. For example, some people can have just as powerful a remote, long-distance healing as an in-person healing, while another person may believe that a long-distance healing cannot be as effective, so they may not allow as much of the healing.

4)    Sometimes different energies, such as fear or resistance, can block an individual’s ability to heal at that time.

5)    With particular conditions, sometimes a healer has to start at a particular point that the individual may not be aware of and something has in fact changed, but the person did not notice or may not notice as the healing process can continue over as long as six months or longer. Sometimes, too, the physical body can only process a little of the healing at that time because processing all of it at once would be too much of a shock for the body.




Over the last few years, somehow I’ve lost a lot of friends I’ve had for decades. They haven’t died or anything. They’ve just disappeared from my life, even the ones that said we’d be friends forever.  Some of them have disappeared without a word or explanation. What is going on?

–Confused (Brazil)


This has been an intense time on the planet, with the vibrations of the planet and of everyone on the planet shifting immensely, causing instability in societal templates and structures such as in our economic system, government, religious institutions, and elsewhere. Accordingly, we’re feeling those shifts in our relationships as well.

If you’ve asked them if anything’s wrong and they refuse to communicate, the best thing you can do might be just to let them be wherever they’re at. Keep on your path and do what you need to do in your divine vibration.

Some people you think you have lost might catch up with you later down the road. Some people maybe just had to go their own way as you go yours in order for everyone to experience the growth and lessons they came to learn in this lifetime. Sometimes we need some space and time away from our familiar loved ones in order for us to gain a new perspective and growth in a different direction before we come back together again. Sometimes, too, maybe you have finished up your karma with someone and it’s time to move on.

In every case, just validate and appreciate the time you had together and create space for each of you to be on your true paths, wherever that might lead. Create space too for you to reconnect with the ones you’re meant to reconnect with and to let go of the ones with whom you’ve completed your time together, creating space for new people you are meant to connect with to come into your lives in divine timing.



I just came back from a bodywork session and the practitioner did something where she’d ask me questions and then feel the resistance in my outstretched left arm for her answers. She told me a bunch of stuff and there were times during the session where the energy felt right, and I trusted her, and then she told me something that just doesn’t feel right.  I’m still open to the idea, and trying it on, but something about it feels off.

She somehow came up with the age 17 and asked me who during that age in my life, a man in my life, was very punishing, and I had the hardest time coming up with someone. The only person remotely close was my childhood close friend, Garth, who called me a lot for support, help, etc., whenever he was in some crisis, which was a lot. Anyway, according to this woman, I have, all these years been carrying around his punishing energy because of my empathy and wanting to help him…. I am having a hard time believing this, and wonder what you think of this. I have never heard this from anyone else before.

–Sara (New Zealand)


Congratulations on taking a look at these energies. Ultimately, the most important thing is learning to trust your divine knowingness, which will never let you down. The only thing is that sometimes it takes a while to differentiate between divine knowingness and other energies, including that of our ego or fears or resistance or whatever other energies we’re carrying, which can sometimes feel more real than our divine knowingness when we’re not in full alignment with spirit.

As you continue to look at this, a couple things to think about:

  • No healer or psychic is ever 100% accurate. Even the most gifted may have an off day or be influenced by unclear energies.
  • Sometimes we may not recognize certain energies within ourselves, for a little while or even for a lifetime. We may recognize them after we release the karma or release the energies or maybe get some time and distance from them, at which point we can see the energy more clearly. Sometimes there may even be a lot of energetic programming or energy in the way of us seeing various energies that have been in place for some time with good intention or not-entirely-conscious motivations such as hiding the energy so we won’t notice and so we’ll keep carrying them around so the other person doesn’t have to.

I recommend you ground out any punishment energy (and any other energies that no longer serve your highest good) and notice what comes out. Keep doing this over time and also keep filling yourself in with wholeness and validation and notice what you notice.

Enjoy the journey of exploration.



Why do I always choose the wrong sort of women to date? I look back on my life and notice I always walked right past really nice and beautiful women but beelined towards the ones who would wreak havoc on my life. I am a decent looking guy with a good job and pretty smart except for when it comes to picking women. When I look back, I see that all the signs were there from the beginning but I was blind to them or something. What is wrong with me?

–Disgusted (Mexico)


There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s called being human. Ha ha. The good thing, though, is, even as a human, you don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns of the past.

We’re often drawn to those with have karma with—perhaps one of the lessons you’re learning as a spirit is learning how to make choices in relationships that are healthier for you and to learn more deeply about what love is.

The key thing is to develop awareness, which you’re already doing a good job of since you’re asking this question instead of choosing to blindly keep following the same patterns.

The next step is sitting down and meditating on why you are drawn to women who have a chaotic effect on your life. Do you feel you’re not worthy of being with someone who is nice to you (and pretty too since you mention that) and is a positive influence on your life? If so, validate your worth and your right to be with someone who is a positive influence in your life. Do you feel like being with someone who is a disruptive influence is more exciting than being with someone you can count on? If so, maybe you need to find another source of excitement in your life. Like bungee jumping or crocodile wrestling. Ha ha.  Do you choose people that are similar to a parent (or choose the opposite of a parent out of resistance to being with someone like one of your parents)? That’s fine if you want to do that but you can choose consciously. Or do you choose these women because you think you can help them or heal them in some way because you do not feel that just being and not working for love is enough in a relationship? If so, notice that instinct when you are getting to know someone and decide if that’s really what you want in a relationship.

Congratulations on opening up your awareness so you can make choices that support and honor you.

Wishing you much love.




What do you think about love spells and do they work?

–Wanting Love (Brazil)


Although love spells do work sometimes, I do not recommend them nor do I perform them for clients that come for energy work. Doing love spells can interfere with a person’s free will, pulling a person’s energy or influencing it in a way that I don’t believe is ethical. Also, doing a love spell on someone is, I believe, creating unwanted karma for yourself.

Instead of doing a love spell, perhaps you might want to ask the Universe to bring into your life the person who is of your divine right. Also, create the energy first for yourself of love and a loving relationship with yourself in order to create the optimal energy for a relationship that matches this love vibration to come into your life. And, of course, do the practical basics such as getting out into the world (even through the Internet on an online dating site if that feels right to you) where people can meet you and have the opportunity to fall in love with you.

Validate the love you have, including for yourself, and even more love will find you in divine time.



How come I’m attracted to some people and not others?

—C.H. (Canada)

Dear C.H.:

Attraction between people can be complex.

Sometimes we’re attracted to people because we think they have qualities we wish we had. For example, if you’re in a career you feel isn’t that creative and  don’t consider yourself creative, maybe you’re drawn to creative types. Interestingly, you probably do already have the qualities you’re attracted to inherent within you even though you may not yet recognize them in yourself or have not yet developed them in yourself.

Sometimes, too, we can be attracted to someone because we recognize them as a spirit or we just feel some kind of vibrational affinity with that person.

If you’re referring to what feels like almost uncontrollable sexual attraction, usually,  it’s almost always inevitably because there’s a lot of karma (life lessons) to work through with that person. Sometimes we’re attracted to someone because we’ve left our energy with them, perhaps from another lifetime, and you as spirit are needing to retrieve your own energy.

Get to know different people on different levels in different situations to get a feel for what kind of attraction you have. Sometimes, you may not feel any attraction to someone, but the more you get to know them as a person, the more attraction you develop for them. Sometimes those are the relationships that can be long-lasting.

Play with the attraction and notice what kind of people you’re attracted to and what kind of people are attracted to you. Have fun exploring the complex chemistry between people!

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