CHANGING DYNAMICS IN FRIENDSHIPS

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a friend who till relatively recently meant the world to me but I have hugely grown and grown up as a person and I see her more for who she really is now.

I know now that I am easily her equal and no longer need a teacher/counselor (though she’d like to keep me in this position). Then when I look at her side of the friendship it’s based on her trying constantly to get me to use my spiritual gifts for her gratification (though she disguises it as a big need); or dumping her emotional stuff on me and generally trying to get me to her level of being–sad, frustrated, angry, lonely, etc.

On my side of the friendship, I used to get in touch with her when I felt I couldn’t cope with life as my mother never listened so I’ve always turned to other strong women. I need also to change this. How do I feel like I’m enough for myself to be able to cope with the emotional reactions I have without reaching out to others?

I fear her reaction as my mother shows rage and subsequent withholding of love I have been petrified of when I stand up to her. So my friend is a mirror. I want to find the courage not only to speak my truth but to also stand my ground and not shake inside or feel bad. I want to break this lifelong behavior pattern.

Also how do I discover what remains of our friendship when I make changes based on the above?

–M.L. (Switzerland)

DEAR M.L.:

It’s great you’re looking at both sides of the relationship as well as what you have to learn from this relationship. That’s an essential skill for any solid relationship.

The most important thing is for you to hold your space and be who you are—a strong woman in your power. Do this and your friend will either rise up to meet you at this new vibration or fall away. Sometimes, too, people have to withdraw for a little while first before they can meet up with you later at your true vibration.

Also, don’t resist any energies as far as her dumping energies on you. She can do that all she wants but it will only stick if you allow it to or if you resist those energies. Just validate your wholeness and love and power and see her as a whole and divine being as well and you can best enjoy her company (or not) while understanding both of you are divine beings in bodies and that you both are teachers in some areas and students in some, as we all are. In spirit there is no competition—no better than or less than, only wholeness and divinity. Keep validating that wholeness in yourself and in her and she can choose to match that more easily in her expression of her spririt in the physical plane.

Note: Readers, I invite you to send in your own questions. You may email them to askdalimama@gmail.com or write them in the comments section.

 

 

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