HOW DO I FOSTER TEAMWORK AND LESS COMPETITIVENESS AMONGST MY KIDS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My three kids are all in sports at school and are so competitive, even at video games or board games. It’s almost scary. How do I foster more teamwork and less competitiveness among them?

—Mother of the Lords of the Flies

DEAR MOTHER:

Thank you for this question.

You might want to encourage them to play games that require teamwork instead of game that pit each other against one another. I don’t know how old your kids are so maybe you could google “noncompetitive board games” and see what comes up that is appropriate for your children’s ages and needs. There are also a couple sites, https://cooperativegames.com/ and http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/t/tools_for_building_teamwork_at_home.aspx, that you might want to check out.

You (and your spouse/partner) might also want to play with noncompetitive language and language that isn’t goal oriented. For example, instead of “You are the best goalie ever,” you could say something like, “You really paid attention to all the balls coming in.”

Warm wishes to you! Your kids are lucky.

HOW DO I HANDLE THE ONE-UPSMANSHIP GAME?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have this family friend I work with that is driving me nuts. Anytime I mention anything, she has to one-up me. If I say I went to the mountains over the weekend, she says her husband is taking her on a one-week cruise to Hawaii. If I say my daughter is excited about going to college, she says her daughter won some big scholarship to a great school. If I mention my husband at all, she brings up how these head hunters are trying to recruit her husband for some huge-paying job. (My husband was laid off and is between jobs at the moment, so this one smarts a little.)

I don’t really buy into the status game or materialism thing or anything, but I find myself getting so irritated nevertheless. Please advise.

–Baffled (United States)

DEAR BAFFLED:

First of all, know that this woman must be very insecure and unhappy with her life if she constantly needs to one-up you on everything. This is probably exacerbated by the fact that you are family friends. I don’t know how long you have known each other, but sometimes family friends can light up a person’s insecurity and competition even more than general acquaintances or friends.

Second, know that resistance to competition (even when you’re not necessarily a competitive person) can sometimes make you stuck in the competition energy, AKA the good ole rat race. So whenever your friend tries to drag you into the one-upmanship game, just validate you and your life for exactly what it is and be grateful to all that is. If you want, you can also keep the details of your life to yourself so as not to give her any ammunition to use to try to pull you into that game. And give her space to be exactly where she is at, knowing she’s doing her best as she knows it to be.

CHANGING DYNAMICS IN FRIENDSHIPS

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a friend who till relatively recently meant the world to me but I have hugely grown and grown up as a person and I see her more for who she really is now.

I know now that I am easily her equal and no longer need a teacher/counselor (though she’d like to keep me in this position). Then when I look at her side of the friendship it’s based on her trying constantly to get me to use my spiritual gifts for her gratification (though she disguises it as a big need); or dumping her emotional stuff on me and generally trying to get me to her level of being–sad, frustrated, angry, lonely, etc.

On my side of the friendship, I used to get in touch with her when I felt I couldn’t cope with life as my mother never listened so I’ve always turned to other strong women. I need also to change this. How do I feel like I’m enough for myself to be able to cope with the emotional reactions I have without reaching out to others?

I fear her reaction as my mother shows rage and subsequent withholding of love I have been petrified of when I stand up to her. So my friend is a mirror. I want to find the courage not only to speak my truth but to also stand my ground and not shake inside or feel bad. I want to break this lifelong behavior pattern.

Also how do I discover what remains of our friendship when I make changes based on the above?

–M.L. (Switzerland)

DEAR M.L.:

It’s great you’re looking at both sides of the relationship as well as what you have to learn from this relationship. That’s an essential skill for any solid relationship.

The most important thing is for you to hold your space and be who you are—a strong woman in your power. Do this and your friend will either rise up to meet you at this new vibration or fall away. Sometimes, too, people have to withdraw for a little while first before they can meet up with you later at your true vibration.

Also, don’t resist any energies as far as her dumping energies on you. She can do that all she wants but it will only stick if you allow it to or if you resist those energies. Just validate your wholeness and love and power and see her as a whole and divine being as well and you can best enjoy her company (or not) while understanding both of you are divine beings in bodies and that you both are teachers in some areas and students in some, as we all are. In spirit there is no competition—no better than or less than, only wholeness and divinity. Keep validating that wholeness in yourself and in her and she can choose to match that more easily in her expression of her spririt in the physical plane.

Note: Readers, I invite you to send in your own questions. You may email them to askdalimama@gmail.com or write them in the comments section.

 

 

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