IS THERE ANY WAY TO CONTROL WHETHER YOU HAVE A GIRL OR A BOY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is there any way to control whether you have a girl or a boy? Energetically speaking, that is.

—Wanting a Girl (Brazil)

DEAR W.A.G.:

A baby’s gender is generally determined by genetics, particularly the genes of the baby’s father, although there may be other contributing factors. Too bad this wasn’t known before various women in history were killed for not bearing their husbands a male heir!

However, even men who father five boys, for example, may father a girl on the sixth try.

Energetically, if you want to have a girl, one thing you could try is mocking up (visualizing as a way of manifesting) conceiving and giving birth to a healthy daughter. Keep in mind this may help but is by no means guaranteed. If you end up with a son, love the heck out of him, regardless of whether he fits the picture of what you wanted. Divine gifts come in all different packages. : )

You could also either keep trying for a girl or consider adopting one of the many beautiful girls in the world who need a safe and loving home.

WHAT KINDS OF THINGS IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO LET MY KIDS WATCH?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Do you think it is harmful to let my kids (5 and 8 years old) watch PG movies with slight violence but it’s more kidding-around stuff? Like Home Alone, for example. I’d rather my kids don’t watch that kind of stuff just yet but my wife thinks it’s not a big deal. I just feel like they’re going to see all kinds of things when they get older and I’d rather protect them from it a little while longer while I still can.

—Concerned Father (United States)

DEAR CONCERNED FATHER:

I’d have to re-watch the movie but I seem to recall the main character defending himself and the house with violence against the robbers. I think it depends on the kids (how sensitive they are or how easily influenced they are) and also it depends on you and your wife being able to provide a context or framework whenever they see a movie like that—saying afterwards, for example, “In real life, of course you shouldn’t do X, Y, or Z because you could hurt someone very badly.”

If it were my kids, I would probably try to expose them to movies and shows and people and situations where people interact in a much more positively and healthy fashion and where people solve things in a much more peaceful and productive manner, especially until they are older because that kind of violence (even in a comedic sense) can seep into their consciousness and affect some of their choices and can also desensitize them to others.

Thanks for being conscious of what your putting into your kids’ minds. You’re creating a better future for them and the world!

SUNDAY SHARE: “Glorious” by David Archuleta from Mormon’s Children’s Choir

HOW DO I FOSTER TEAMWORK AND LESS COMPETITIVENESS AMONGST MY KIDS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My three kids are all in sports at school and are so competitive, even at video games or board games. It’s almost scary. How do I foster more teamwork and less competitiveness among them?

—Mother of the Lords of the Flies

DEAR MOTHER:

Thank you for this question.

You might want to encourage them to play games that require teamwork instead of game that pit each other against one another. I don’t know how old your kids are so maybe you could google “noncompetitive board games” and see what comes up that is appropriate for your children’s ages and needs. There are also a couple sites, https://cooperativegames.com/ and http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/t/tools_for_building_teamwork_at_home.aspx, that you might want to check out.

You (and your spouse/partner) might also want to play with noncompetitive language and language that isn’t goal oriented. For example, instead of “You are the best goalie ever,” you could say something like, “You really paid attention to all the balls coming in.”

Warm wishes to you! Your kids are lucky.

HOW DO I HANDLE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW’S INAPPROPRIATE GIFTS TO MY CHILDREN?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

We have two kids, one in kindergarten and the other in third grade. My husband’s mother is always giving the kids inappropriate gifts—whether it’s toy guns or DVDs with bad language or tons of violence or objectification of women. I have asked her not to give my kids those kinds of gifts but she gets offended, gives me the silent treatment, and then gives the kids those kinds of presents anyway. How do I stop this?

—Fed Up (United States)

Dear FED UP:

It sounds like there is a power struggle going on between you and your mother and you might want to remove yourself from the equation to save yourself the hassle. Have your husband talk to his mother about this and have him explain why the two of you do not want your kids to play with certain kinds of things.

If you both have already asked her to stop giving the kids those kinds of gifts and have explained why and she still insists on giving the kinds of presents she wants to give and not the kind of presents you and your husband want the kids to have, you might want to try one of two options: 1) give her a wish list of toys the kids want that you approve of, or 2) start a new tradition of gifts that the kids themselves will gift to children in need. Then at least if your mother-in-law insists on giving gifts that are not age appropriate, perhaps that rated PG or R movie can instead be gifted to an older teenager, for example. Or you could all start a tradition as a family of giving gifts to those in need from the entire family (including your mother-in-law) on birthdays and holidays rather than having your two children receive gifts.

Enjoy the opportunity to start a wonderful new family tradition.

HOW DO HANDLE A BABYSITTER WHO MOCKED MY CHILD?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I work full-time and came home early one day and overheard the babysitter mocking my son while she was on the phone to her friend. My son was watching TV in the same room and perhaps did not hear her, but I am concerned nevertheless. What do you advise?

–Working Mom (Canada)

DEAR WORKING MOM:

Find a different babysitter and screen all applicants very carefully. Whether your son heard the babysitter or not, he does not need someone taking care of him who is making fun of him for any reason. Even if he did not hear her or catch what she/he said, he is being exposed to negative and invalidating energy. Also, you might want to also have a conversation with your sitter about how much television and what kind of television your child can watch. You may want to pick a caregiver who will not park your son in front of the TV all day as a substitute for engaging dialogue or cognitive stimulation or simply a caring presence.

Once you find a babysitter, keep tabs on the sitter to ensure your son is getting the kind of care that you need. You might even want to pop in unexpectedly one day and also regularly ask your son open and neutral, non-leading questions such as “What did you do today?” or “How do you feel about your new sitter?” to get a feel for whether he is getting adequate attention and intellectual stimulation and whether he feels comfortable with the new sitter and if not, why.

Wishing you and your son the best.

HOW DO I PREPARE MY CHILD FOR A YOUNGER SIBLING?

DEAR DALI MAMA: nov 15

How do I prepare my daughter (an only child) for a younger sibling? She is four and I am expecting in 5 months, God willing.

–Worried Mom (United States)

DEAR MOM:

It’s important to set the tone. If you are worried about talking to your daughter about a new sibling or worried about her reaction to the news, she will pick up on that energy and might think the addition to the family is something to fear. Feel the joy of the new addition to the family and she will likely share in the enthusiasm.

You might also want to institute some gradual changes so she doesn’t associate any “negative” changes with the new baby. For example, if you know you’re going to have to institute some changes your child might not like (like an earlier bedtime or your child needing to take on a new task like getting dressed on her own), then make those changes gradually a month or two before the baby comes so that she doesn’t associate the baby with having to make changes she might not like.

You might also want to talk to her about some of the exciting parts about being an older sister and what that might mean for her. You might also want to start a new ritual with your older child when you bring the baby home—even a special one-on-one time 5 or 10 minutes every day where you talk together or read a book or sing a song can be one new ritual you can create with your oldest child to remind them that they are special to you.

HOW DO I BOND WITH MY BABY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a very big problem. I have a baby and I don’t even like her. I feel so strange and I can’t even talk to anyone about this. What is wrong with me?

–Not a Natural Woman (United States)

DEAR N.A.N.W.:

Please speak to your doctor immediately and your partner or family if you have one. Many women experience post-partum depression, which affects their ability to bond with their baby. Sometimes certain operations can temporarily disrupt the bonding process with your baby as well.

If you feel at all like you want to hurt your baby, please let someone you trust know right away—your parents, your partner, your doctor, your clergy, etc., and find someone who can take care of the baby until you feel like you can handle this safely.

If, however, you and your doctor and partner feel you can safely take care of this baby, there are some things you can do to develop a bond with her.

Sometimes past-life dynamics can affect a relationship between a mother and a child. Practice gently holding your baby and just being love, letting love emanate from your center through your aura layers and out your arms and hands as you hold your daughter. Let the love flow through you to everything and everyone around you, including your baby.

Also practice holding your baby, looking upon her face and her eyes with love, and giving her lots of love with the intention of also giving yourself love as you express that love to her.

Kudos on taking steps to strengthen this important relationship in your life, which is the first step to being a great parent.

 

HOW DOES A TEACHER HANDLE PARENTS WHO BLAME THE TEACHER?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a junior-high teacher. How do I handle parents that think everything their kid does wrong is my fault?

–Fed up (United States)

DEAR FED UP:

I can empathize with all of the responsibility put on teachers in this era. While you cannot force parents (or the kids, for that matter) to take responsibility for their own obligations, perhaps you can improve the situation with clear communication. Perhaps you could make a clear plan with three sections (parental responsibilities and agreements, student responsibilities and agreements, and teacher responsibilities and agreements).

Create a chart and perhaps you could meet with the parents and student together to come to an agreement about what part each of you will take in improving the situation. That way, you create buy-in from all parties as well as clear, agreed-upon delineation of each party’s responsibilities and obligations. Fill out the chart together and make copies for each party and have everyone sign their name to signify their understanding of the agreement and their promise to do their part.

Try it and see what happens. Let me know if you want how it goes.

Thanks for your hard work. Good teachers are an essential part of a good future.

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