HOW DO I GET TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND PROMOTED AT WORK?

22 Nov 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized, Work Tags: , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 25-year-old woman and I am pretty smart and very ambitious but somehow at work, I feel like nobody takes me seriously even though I volunteer for extra assignments and do a great job. What can I do to be taken seriously at work and maybe get promoted eventually?

—Ambitious (United States)

DEAR AMBITIOUS:

It could be that your bosses and co-workers underestimate your abilities because of your age. It could also be that there may be ways you can portray yourself more seriously. For example, many people are humble even when self-confident and so may not quite be portraying their abilities fully—for example, volunteering for assignments that aren’t as visible or high-priority or even making statements but using intonation that makes those statements sound uncertain or like a question.

I would ask one of your successful friends who has been in the work force a while (preferably in a similar field) for their feedback on how you can be taken more seriously on work. They might give you their impression as far as the way you speak or dress or generally purport yourself. Then make those changes and notice how things shift over the next month or two.

Next, I would ask your supervisor for a meeting and let them know you are wanting to X, Y, and Z (be specific about what your hopes are for the next step in your career there) and ask them what you need to do to make that happen. Go prepared with a portfolio of specific things you’ve accomplished at the company and how you’ve contributed thus far.

Best of luck, my friend.

HOW DO I WORK THROUGH MY FEARS OF SUCCESS AND FAILURE?

15 Nov 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Money, Uncategorized, Work Tags: , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been paralysed by my fears from taking action in my professional life for the past few months. This lack of action has affected my mental as well as financial well being. It all comes down to a fear of success, as crazy as that might sound. And also, a little fear of failure and rejection.

Ultimately I am scared that if I take action and make things happen in my business, it will propel me towards success that I won’t be able to handle and that it will bring me added responsibilities. I’m scared that new responsibility will tie me down and make me less of a free spirit and be a noose around my neck. Also I will have to take responsibility towards others who buy my product: I am a perfectionist so it kinda scares me, the potential fault finding and finger pointing of others.

My fear of rejection by clients is the flip side of the coin. I don’t deal with rejection well or bounce back up quickly. I retreat even more.

How can I break out of this self-sabotaging behaviour? And how can I drastically change perspective and shed my fears?

—Success Hungry Yet Success Scared (S. Africa)

DEAR S.H.Y.S.S.:

Many people have fear of success as well as fear of failure but don’t understand that those fears are holding them back. Your awareness of these fears will help you work through them more quickly since you can do so consciously.

Perhaps you can take the first step of breaking down your bigger goals into small concrete tasks in order of priority and tackle them one by one. Focusing on concrete tasks will ultimately be more productive for you than focusing on abstract worst-case scenarios or fears of being successful and then tanking or fears of being rejected (or your products rejected) by clients.

As you complete each small task, ensuring that they are part of your larger goals, validate each step you took and validate yourself for taking that step. Do this consistently and build small changes and, over time, this will result in a drastically changed perspective that you will have created by practicing changing your way of thinking over time.

You might want to work with a counselor also to help you work through those fears and the root causes.

I wish you any success that you want. I have no doubt you are capable of success as you work through these energies. I applaud your efforts.

HOW DO I DEAL WITH NOSY CO-WORKERS?

01 Nov 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Work Tags: , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a man in his mid-30s. I work at an office with mostly women and they are always asking me questions about myself—who I am dating, what I am doing over the weekend, what I am eating. I know they’re trying to be nice but they’re basically intrusive. How do I get them to back off without offending them?

—Cornered (United States)

DEAR C.:

You might want to laugh off their questions and reply with ridiculous, obviously made-up answers. For example, the next time someone asks if you went on a date that weekend, tell them you took the entire volleyball league (and their managers) home Friday night and they didn’t leave till Monday morning, and then laugh. Hopefully, they will get the hint. Be consistent in not answering any intrusive questions so they know they won’t get any information out of you.

HOW DO I HANDLE ALWAYS WORKING WITH SOMEONE I CAN’T STAND WORKING WITH?

10 Oct 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized, Work Tags:

 

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I always get stuck with one person I can’t stand working with in my team at my warehouse job. How do I handle this?

—Stuck (Canada)

DEAR S.:

What is it about this person that makes you not want to work with him/her? Have you addressed the issue with the person in a constructive manner? If so, and there is never any change, notice what you have in common with that person. Sometimes, people drive us crazy because we have similar qualities or energies within us that drive ourselves crazy, or simply resistance to those particular habits or energies. Once you are aware of your matches with that person and become neutral to them, notice if you still can’t stand working with that person.

At that point, if you still don’t want to work with that person, take proactive measures such as requesting a team member that has a parallel title or skills with that person you don’t want to work with and request that other team member for your team.

HOW CAN I GET PROMOTED?

07 Oct 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized, Work Tags: , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do people always want me to be their assistant instead of promoting me or giving me higher-level jobs?

—Stunted in My Career (United States)

DEAR S.I.M.C.:

Haha. Well, there are a number of possible reasons for this. One possibility might be that you are too phenomenal at your job and your bosses have the smarts to recognize this and are unwilling to let you move into another position. Put together a list of your qualifications and a list of what you’ve done for the company as well as reasons you’d be ideal for other positions, then have a talk with your supervisor. Let him/her know that you are excited about using your skills in an expanded arena, and ask about what you need to do to secure a position you’d like (and have some specific open positions in mind).

If your supervisor is not open to the idea of you being promoted to another position, ask what their reservations are as far as you moving into another position. If they really need you to keep doing one particular aspect of your current job, perhaps you could negotiate to keep doing that specific part of your job for them while undertaking a new position. There are many ways to make it a win-win situation for everyone. Have fun exploring!

CAN GIFTS OR OBJECTS HOLD ENERGY?

29 Dec 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Energy Techniques, Work Tags: , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My office manager who hates me gave each of us a holiday gift, including me. The gifts are all the same except for the color. I feel very yucky energy on the leather portfolio she gave me. Is this possible? And what do I do about it?

–Sensitive Office Drone (United States)

DEAR SENSITIVE:

Yes, it is possible for objects to carry negative energies, including resentment, especially when they are gifts given out of obligation and not love.

Sometimes even a recipient who wants to give you something out of love can inadvertently give you something with challenging energies. For example, someone who loves you may search far and wide for that “perfect” gift, and may give you a gift full of love, perfectionism (worry that is it not the perfect gift), insecurity, fear (fear that you won’t like the gift), and other energies.

You can neutralize the energies you don’t want to keep by simply receiving the gift in love despite any difficult energies that came with the gift.

You might also want to imagine putting a grounding cord on the leather portfolio, releasing any resentment and ill will (on either side of the relationship) and any other energies that no longer serve you or the relationship. Then, intend to set the energy of the portfolio to support and delight you and to help you in your career. At this point, you can meditate and see how you feel and decide whether you want to keep the portfolio or get rid of it.

If you do get rid of it, just donate it to your favorite nonprofit with love and good wishes for the perfect person who can enjoy a wonderful new leather portfolio.

SHOULD I MOVE FOR A JOB?

17 Sep 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Work Tags: , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am an engineer but have been unemployed. I got offered a great job but it is in a different state where I know no one. It is difficult for me to make friends but I finally know a lot of nice folks in my current city. What do you recommend?

–Looking to Get Back on the Gravy Train (United States)

DEAR LOOKING:

If the job you have been offered is good and you’ve been looking for a long time and the town you’d move to seems livable, don’t let the fear of not being able to meet people stop you from taking the job.

You managed to get to know lots of nice folks where you live now so you can do it again in your new home. Plus you’ll still be able to keep in touch easily with your current friends, thanks to the Internet and reasonably priced airfare.

If you do take the job, start looking into clubs or organizations in the new location. Check into places such as metup.com, where you can hook up with people with similar interests and have the opportunity to meet new friends.

Congratulations on this new opportunity.

 

HOW DOES A TEACHER HANDLE PARENTS WHO BLAME THE TEACHER?

07 Aug 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Children, Work Tags: , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a junior-high teacher. How do I handle parents that think everything their kid does wrong is my fault?

–Fed up (United States)

DEAR FED UP:

I can empathize with all of the responsibility put on teachers in this era. While you cannot force parents (or the kids, for that matter) to take responsibility for their own obligations, perhaps you can improve the situation with clear communication. Perhaps you could make a clear plan with three sections (parental responsibilities and agreements, student responsibilities and agreements, and teacher responsibilities and agreements).

Create a chart and perhaps you could meet with the parents and student together to come to an agreement about what part each of you will take in improving the situation. That way, you create buy-in from all parties as well as clear, agreed-upon delineation of each party’s responsibilities and obligations. Fill out the chart together and make copies for each party and have everyone sign their name to signify their understanding of the agreement and their promise to do their part.

Try it and see what happens. Let me know if you want how it goes.

Thanks for your hard work. Good teachers are an essential part of a good future.

HOW DO I DEAL WITH AN OLDER WOMAN THAT’S ALWAYS TRYING TO GIVE ME ADVICE?

26 Jul 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Work Tags: , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do I deal with this older woman that’s always trying to give me advice? She tries to give me advice on fashion, makeup, dating, buying a house, and everything and anything else. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a 32-year-old woman, but I think 32 is old enough that she wouldn’t feel she has to tell me how to do everything. She’s not even my boss. She’s a co-worker in my department. How do I handle this?

–Annoyed (Corporate America)

DEAR ANNOYED:

Perhaps next time she offers advice, you can smile and tell her you thank you but you’ve got everything covered.

You might also want to notice if you’re not owning your knowledge and information and authority in some way. Sometimes, especially if you’re generally a mellow or low-key person, you might not convey how much you know or how much you’ve got it together because you already know you do. When you’re really embodying your power and your authority, it’s much more difficult for people, however well-meaning, to presume to tell you how to do anything you already know.

Own it!

 

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