WHAT TO DO FOR SOMEONE WHO JUST FOUND OUT SHE’S SICK?

06 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My 32-year-old friend just found out she has cancer. What’s the best thing I can do for her?


–A.C. (United States)

DEAR A.C.:

Well, you might want to start by asking her what she needs from you. Probably the most helpful thing you can do as a friend, however, is just to be there for her and to listen.

Often, when someone is diagnosed with cancer or some other serious illness, the people around them are in so much fear, it’s difficult for family and friends to really be present for that person because they’re either dealing with their own emotions about the news or popping out of their bodies to avoid feeling their own feelings during this difficult time. Just create a space to be with her and to listen. Let her say whatever she feels and don’t feel like you have to keep her from saying certain things like she’s afraid or sad or that she’s going to die. Just listen and hear what she has to say and keep on loving her and showing up for her, especially when the hubbub of initial activity and responses from others starts to peter out over time.

Also, be sure to take time out to care for yourself first if you’re going to be helping her out on any kind of consistent basis.

She’s lucky to have a caring friend like you.

SHOULD I ACQUIRE A HUSBAND?

04 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have spent my life as a single female. Mostly, I have preferred solitude. Yet, I have many friends and activities. But I am in my 50s, and as I get older I wonder if it is cognitively healthy for me to spend so much time alone. Should I consider attempting to acquire a husband? I want to do everything necessary to retain my physical vitality and cerebral longevity.”

—Wondering in Quebec (Canada)

DEAR WONDERING IN QUEBEC:

Thank you, dear soul, for making me laugh. I recommend attempting to acquire a husband ONLY if you actually want one. You are obviously a lovely and witty soul and could certainly procure one if you so choose. And someone as intelligent as you can certainly find other ways to retain your physical vitality and cerebral longevity—exercise, extramarital sex, and crossword puzzles, for example. Ha ha. And if you feel like you are spending more time in solitude than you feel is optimal for you, invite friends over for dinner more or spend more time with people.

Seriously, though, although society seems to like to encourage people (especially women) to wed, marriage is not for everyone. There are many forms of love and many forms of family, including the family we create, none of which you seem to be lacking. As you’re still relatively young, a lifetime of marriage for mental stimulation and qi building can seem very long if not for the right reasons—the reasons of your heart’s truest desires.

Wishing you much continued love, energy, and mental acuity.

HOW DO I MOVE ON FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

22 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been through a break-up and thought I was over him. By doing a lot of meditation, plus taking care of myself, I thought I had already moved on, especially because I haven’t thought about him in a while. Then, today, I ran into him briefly while I was with someone else. The conversation was basically hi and goodbye but I felt something in my heart, something heavy, like a pain. I do not understand why I felt this way. Also, he even gave me a small gift later that day. Please help me to understand what is going on and how to move on completely from him.
—Regina (Brazil)

DEAR REGINA:

Love can be one of the most challenging issues, as well as the most rewarding. It’s very natural to feel pain about an old relationship, especially after running into an ex, as that can trigger more waves of old feelings and energies to release from the past. Validate that you could feel that heartache because it shows how much you are capable of feeling, and that’s a very beautiful thing. Also, the more you can feel (and thus have) that heartache, the more that you can feel (and have) joy, love, and more.

Seeing you with someone else may have triggered a little jealousy or regret in your ex, and him giving you a present was a way of trying to pull you back in. Receive the gift as a validation of what you had together, and keep on the path that is right for you, whatever that is.

Think about what makes you happy and focus first on creating a solid relationship with yourself and creating a life that you love. Have your energy for you. Don’t give any energy to your ex, whether that’s in the form of regretting the past, waxing nostalgic about what could have been, or resistance towards running into him. Just validate the past and what you and your ex learned from each other and let it all go to make space for something new and amazing.

Stay your beautiful and open-hearted self and enjoy the ride!

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